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I am TRYING. I am trying SO freakin hard it’s gross. I do not know how we do it. Like, literally, how are we all still here. Uhg.

*Pictured is the wedding cake I did this weekend for my boyfriends mother. *

#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #NonSuicidalSelfHarm #Anxiety #Strugglebus

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We aren’t alone

While we think we are sitting alone in our mind struggling, we need to remember 2 things: there are more of us dealing with similar issues and while we feel we don’t want to burden our friends and family, the ones we hold closest to our heart will always always want to know when you’re in pain to help you. To help you laugh, keep your energy up, run an errand, take a spontaneous drive for an adventure, to get your mind off the struggle, etc. what ever you want. We are not alone friends- remember this! Have a good week!
#mighty #Strugglebus #BodyPositive #Helpfulthought #monday


#Strugglebus has three of the four tires flat

Where to start... I am new to the BPD diagnosis extremely frustrating that it took 20 years to get to this point trying to make sense of it all and honestly feel like since the diagnosis every aspect of my life has gone downhill.

I thought things were going really well and I’ve been honestly consciously trying to pay attention to the cognitive distortions I don’t know what happened tonight but my husband completely flipped and behaved in a manner that was so different from anything he’s ever exhibited in the last 11 years I’m trying not to allow the distortions to take over but it’s so hard I’m trying so hard not to spiral and end up in a manic depressive state. He’s frustrated I’m out on a medical leave and I’m swinging from super focused and energized towards getting our home put back together to scatter brained, easily confused with no will power towards my impulses.

Honestly, this diagnosis is hard enough to handle/manage internally let alone cater to someone else’s moods.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #MajorDepressionDisorder #Cognitivedistortions #Anxiety #Depression



So this past year has been extremely difficult. I’ve lost my home, crashed my car, my health/memory is on a steady decline. I’m struggling at work and my boss is starting to notice. I dont know what to do. Doctors say I’m over stressed. #Yathink

This pain is seriously too much. I don’t sleep. Barely eat. (Not losing weight either 🙄) My mind stays clouded I’m over it. I’m just out of optimism. #ChronicIllness #Chronicpainstruggle #Strugglebus


Suicidal thoughts

Constantly having suicidal thoughts, on not wanting to be here anymore. Just living day in and day out wishing I wouldn’t be here in this situation any more. I feel like I’m a burden on family and friends because I keep having to ask them for rides places. Yet they keep asking me if I’m driving yet and the answer is still no. I have a car just haven’t gotten the insurance yet. I’m constantly thinking of what could happen to me if I drive again. On one hand I could gain my independence back/freedom and on the other hand I could get into another car accident. I know I can’t do anything to stop the second scenario, so people say; what’s the problem, why aren’t you driving yet? My anxiety is at an all time high, I’m shaky all the time and I cannot do anything to stop it. So I journal my thoughts down to get them out of my head. I keep thinking what’s the point of me living anymore, I am slowly loosing hope and my faith because I can’t understand how a God can love me when I’m a Trans Man. My body’s going through some of the changes, yet my family can’t take a second out of there day to dig deeper in questions. Do they really love me? I don’t feel the love right now. This pain in my brain just won’t go away, people don’t get me I’m a rollercoaster of emotions and I can’t even understand them myself. Does it really get better? Who knows. #SuicidalIdeation #Pain #mentalhealthcheck #gettingbetter #confused #MajorDepressionDisorder #generalizedanxiety #Hypervigilance #Hyperattentive #Insomnia #Cantfeelthelove #Feelingemotionssober #SOBERLIFE #Masking #Shareemotions #Nocommunity #Transman #lost #Hardtoaskforhelp #Strugglelife #Strugglebus #Life

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