cantwin

I'm a toxic person. I cause everyone added and unnecessary stress!Im always causing agreements (I don't mean to it just happens) . My friends admit I'm scary and and my mum is scared of me. Apparently today I looked at her like I wanted to kill her... I don't remember looking like at or meaning to. If I did then it just happened. I'm the reason everyone in my life agrues and then they all leave.

I'm so alone but it's because I am a horrible person, I'm a control freak, I'm toxic, I am undeserving.
I cant take responsibility . I act like a child, I cant deal with adulting, I cant even manage to pay my phone bill. 3 years I've been trying to take control of my phone bill but no I'm useless.

All my demons have unlocked there cages in my head I can not cope with this anymore.

#Toxic #Imtoxic #depressed #suicidal #Demons #Constantbattle #cantwin #sad #lonely

I don’t know what to do or how to explain my illnesses anymore. My grandmother is having surgery and before I would have been the first to volunteer to go down to her and help her out but now I just don’t know how to anymore. My sister sent me a text yesterday and basically told me I was going down to help? They have no idea how badly I want to but no idea how badly I’m sick either. They are very much of the mindset that “if it’s not happening to them then it’s not a big deal”, at least when it comes to me. I have never been a lazy person, I’ve always been a fighter and I’ve always been a kind person and always been there for my family and yet they treat me like I’m being lazy and have never been there because I had to put up boundaries. She thinks because I had to quit working that I have nothing to do, no idea how much energy it takes from me to just do the simplicities like caring for my three kids and a household, hell just getting out of bed is half the battle. And the drive, I can’t drive far anymore, I can barely go 10 minutes up the road but no one understands that driving 2 hours in heavy traffic is not possible. My partner can’t just miss work to drive me down there, he’s the only one working and supporting us but that would just be turned around on me too, that I made that “choice”. Like I chose this life, I chose to give up my dreams and aspirations, I chose to not be able to accomplish simple tasks a lot of days, I chose constant pain and torment. There’s no explaining it to some, they just don’t get it or don’t want to, I just hate those conversations, my anxiety is through the roof over it. Not to mention the guilt, I feel such guilt not being able to help, I just don’t know what to say anymore. #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #Anxiety #Colitis #KidneyDisease #OCD #IBS #sotired #cantwin

As the holidays creep up, I cannot stop thinking about my emotionally abusive and narcissistic mother. She’s no longer mean and overtly hurtful, but she is very self-centered to point of making you bend around her to see her b/c her anxiety kicks up if she’s not in full control at all times. I can’t do it this year. I’m not going to see her over the holidays if I can help it. Yet I still feel so guilty about it - like I’m being a bad daughter. #cantwin

I am new to The Mighty but I am having some issues that I don't really have anyone to talk to about. I just told my husband that I think I need to see a counselor and he asked why. I explained that there are things that I deal with that I know I need to talk to someone about, but that I don't want to talk to him about. He asked why and I said because it would just make him feel bad. He then got quiet, distant, and isn't really talking to me. I feel bad because I was trying to not make him feel bad. I feel like I can't win for losing.

I love when the weathers bad..gives the greatest reason to stay at home. But then again bad weather is more depressing ...😢 #cantwin #itsjusttoomuch #depressionoverload #Depression#thestruggleisreal