Probably, I am dealing with the most terrifying part of my prolonged journey with depression... Yeah, it started back in 2023 when I was in college. From then to now, it’s still going strong. It’s like a Pandora’s box... With each day coming with its own hazards... And, the struggle beyond that is just overwhelming. Though I have always felt that maybe I am just not that good at tolerance. But with every new twist, it’s going strong and I have got nothing to tolerate all this... And, I am suffering. You know what I feel right now... It's like I am in my detachment era. Like I am running away from the comforts I developed just to protect myself. And it’s not something temporary. These are the things that kept me safe and sane..
The irony is, I am running away from the very zone... I know how much I cherish all these. But I am avoiding. Don’t know why. I have been completely absent from here. I wasn’t even watching my favourite shows. I am running away because I have so many complexities going on. I just can't fixate my focus. Though I terribly struggle to keep my focus on one thing at a time. My mind just keeps wandering. What am I looking for? Well, I don’t know. Everything feels so messy...
But, I know that it’s just my trauma acting up, making me run away from the very things that keep me safe... It’s just making everything so complicated... And, that’s not how it’s supposed to be...
Even when I tried to reach out here, I failed... I completely zoned out and had to put a stop to what I was even doing... And, the reason...
Well, I am just clueless.... It’s just that I am horrifyingly dealing with PTSD. And what I am saying is, it’s my trauma that's controlling me. It’s all linked to those traumatic memories. Now, as I have made up my mind to navigate these and work on my traumas, my mind is trying every possible way to run away from something which is constantly chasing me.... And, I know it has to be stopped because it’s holding me back so badly that I end up being completely clueless. It’s so scary....
And I am scared. But I am trying. And I will actually keep this post just to remind myself that though I thought a thousand times just to delete it or not continue, I still did it. Yeah, I did it. And that's the victory for which I would like to appreciate myself... It’s a small initiative but believe me, it means so much to me... It wasn’t easy to pour my heart out sharing how it’s going...
It’s taking such a toll on me... For someone new to this like me, I am horrifyingly struggling. And the physical symptoms. These are so haunting. Extreme dehydration. Something so extreme that I probably never dealt with before. Dehydration has always been a constant part of my life. But this extreme? Never. And hair fall. Extreme hair fall. It’s just so bad.
But I am very much optimistic ✨... And honestly, it would mean the absolute world to me if you felt comfortable enough to share your own experiences too... I can’t even put into words how much that would mean to me and how incredibly grateful I would be for it ❤️... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #Trauma #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether
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