collegestudent

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College Project

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is having an amazing day! I am in college, and I am doing an Anthropology project. I have been writing notes about The Mighty because I love the online community. I love that there is a community where everyone can talk about their issues at home or what we go through every day mentally. If possible, I would like to interview some people through inbox about The Mighty and how it has impacted your life. What does The Mighty mean to you? #collegestudent #anthropologyproject

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Struggling With My Anxiety In A Post-Covid World

I live in the state of Michigan, where covid regulations have basically been lifted. I'm fully vaccinated, and I'm excited to see things coming back to normal in a sense. Amid all of this excitement and ability to safely go out and see friends and family, I didn't expect something else to creep up on me; my anxiety.

I have a history with my personal anxiety, specifically displaying itself before and during performances (I'm a music major), or times of stress. Before covid, I thrived and loved to be around people, in busy places, and surrounded by excitement. I didn't expect a quality I love so much about myself to change.

Today, I traveled to see my mother, who was visiting the state after moving to Pennsylvania. We went to a lovely restaurant, and I was so excited to see my mother, step-father, and two brothers. Everything was great, until I could start to feel that little bit of anxiety in my stomach start to kick in. I've never felt anxiety in such a public space before. Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom for over 30 minutes having a panic attack.

I found myself to be so incredibly frustrated. Why should a nice time with my family, doing something fun and something we're allowed to do cause me to panic? As I was driving home (after taking ample time to calm down before driving) I came to realize that what I feared was true. Being in open spaces, seeing people start to do more normal activities was subconsciously bugging me. Interacting with strangers and servers who I can't guarantee are vaccinated gets to me. In a nutshell, it all feels wrong.

I felt sad that I felt like one of my joys in life has become anxiety inducing. But, as I've been writing this, I've realized I have to be patient with myself. Yes, things are starting to come back to normal. But I'm not, and that's okay. It might take me some time to find my joy of interacting and being around other people in busy spaces, or it might not come back at all.

I want to figure out ways to help myself feel I can return to my 'normal' in some kinda way. I wanna figure out ways to go easy on myself if that doesn't come quickly or easily. I'm ready to start some discovery, all to better myself. #Anxiety #collegestudent #postcovid #changes

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Losing it slowly

I don't think i can be homebound much longer without losing my mind. I actually miss work and early mornings, late nights leaving campus after class. I'm here basically talking to myself and silently rebelling against my dysfunctional body.
#CheckInWithMe #Fibromyalgia #HashimotosThyroiditis #Depression #collegestudent #fulltimepreschoolteacher

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If you're in college how are you managing assignments so far? #College #CollegeMentalHealth #collegestudent

Do you have any tips that other college students may benefit from for completing assignments when it may seem pointless? (I get the feeling doing them is pointless and I'm trying to motivate myself to complete them so I guess I'm asking if anyone has a way they motivate themselves to do school work?)

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????

I have no clue what I’m even doing here. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve almost been a while yet without a psychiatric hospital admission and I feel that coming to a quick halt. It’s been exactly 322 days since I was last in a psychiatric hospital. I keep holding on and pushing myself further and further. I just don’t want to do anything drastic. I’d admit myself the only thing is that this requires me to ask someone to take me and I don’t want to burden my family with that. If I get sent through the cops (Baker Acted) it’ll be worse off. I won’t be able to chose the hospital I go to, I’ll miss school, and still burden everyone. I don’t want it to get to this point. I also don’t want to attempt anything and fail. Also, if I attempt anything and end up in the hospital I’ll lose my therapist. I really don’t think I want to die though. I just want the pain to end and for this crappy situation to come to an end. My baseline is generally suicidal anyways and it just comes in waves of intensity. I’m able to tell when things are getting out of hand and right now I feel as though I’m getting to that place. This stuff always has the worse timing too...to escalate I mean. It’s my mom’s birthday on the 27th and I don’t want to ruin it by being in the hospital although I ruin everything already. The plan is to go out for a meal that Saturday. I hate eating in public anyways so it could be a good thing for me not to be there. Everyone would have a better time too. I’m supposed to see my school counselor for the last time before she goes on maternity leave next week too. I don’t know what to do or how to deal. I’m not asking for advice just wanted a space to share. #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PsychiatricHospitals #collegestudent #Anxiety

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Trauma, Suicide, and Everything in Between

My trauma has been kicking my butt lately. All the emotions that come with it too. For me it’s shame, guilt, regret, and disgust. It makes me feel absolutely terrible and eventually it leads to suicidal ideation. My baseline always consists of some ideation, but when trauma factors are heightened it makes my ideation a lot worse. I’m a college student and it’s really hard. School has always been a trigger for me in a way. I find it hard to focus and concentrate due my thoughts and the clutter in my head. Even if I write it all out it’s still cluttered. Although school is a trigger I have two designated safe people and when I get really suicidal I isolate. I’ve not shown up for appointments with one of these safe people due to this. I isolate for many reason, but my main one is fear. I fear being sent back to the psych hospital especially while at school. I hate lying to them and recently I’ve lied a lot to them about suicidal ideations. I know they are just doing their jobs, but psych hospitals don’t serve any purpose for me anymore. After being in and out of them for so long and seeing so many things they lost effectiveness. I started lying my way out of them and went home feeling worse off. I put on a facade in front of everyone I’m not close too. Even then the facade shows at times with people I am close to. I just can’t take the torture anymore. The flashbacks, the pain, shame, guilt, and disgust. It’s all too much. I’m tired of being “the strong friend”. I’m tired of having to hold it all together. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being tired. #Trauma #SexualTrauma #PTSD #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #collegestudent

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Can't Sleep

it's currently 10:36pm and i can't sleep. i know for some, this may be early, but i'm secretly an old lady and enjoy going to bed at 8:30 at night (ha ha). anyways, i have a math final tomorrow and i am beyond stressed. between working full time (mon-fri) and trying to find time to study, my anxiety has been total sh**. you see, this class is literally keeping me from getting my associates degree, and if my grade drops from my current 75% just to 73%, i won't pass the class. there is so much riding on this and i can't even handle it. i've always been horrible at math and i just want to be done with it, but if i fail i have to take it all over again and i (literally) cannot afford to. my brain is going crazy with stress and anxiety and it won't shut off so i can sleep. it's kind of annoying and i'm sure a lot of people can relate to that, but i'm hoping ranting about this right now will ease my mind enough to let me sleep.

#Cantsleep #Stress #collegestudent #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

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