conquerthemind

I shared this with another group. Sorry if you receive this two times.

I have faced an internal fear that stemmed from a childhood abuse incident that occurred over fifty years ago. Yesterday, I recorded my fears, cried a lot, and realized I can face this new season as a new experience that has not been birthed in that old memory. New memories are being created in my life. And I do not have to reflect on that old abusive incident whenever I face this topic.

You folks are those teaching me such new skills! You share your experience and your knowledge even when writing from a state of pain. And you cannot believe how you have impacted my life. You folks are exactly what this app is called, #themighty!!! Thank you!

#selfcare #selfcompassion

I recently asked a former co-worker, and an experienced professional, to proof my resume. I am illiterate when using a professional vocabulary outlining my skills and abilities.

When I opened the attached file and read the edited document, I literally shed tears. This person knew me. They saw me at work and witnessed my work ethic during good days and bad days. Therefore, when I read their word description of the talents I will bring to a company, their words literally made me rethink who I am…according to me.🫣

Self talk can be rewarding or it can be absolutely debilitating! CPTSD self talk can be deadly, and in more ways than a physical death.

My self-talk mimics words of destruction. This is because, during my formative years, my destruction was desired by an outside authority source. Thus, even now as an adult, love interpreted by my fractured mind is as valuable as seeking to purchase a home with the ten rolls of (fifty) pennies you have saved in your savings account. 😞! Meaning, it just does not add up to much. Basically, you may have money, but it is not a valuable sum, sadly.

So, this entry serves as a reminder to myself, when healthy people know you and they define you as they see you, especially through a positive healthy lens, as the credit card ad says, the experience is, “PRICELESS”!!!❤️

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Fear #insecurity

#Healthy #Friends #Community #Connectivity #security

Hello Mighties! I’m just passing through to share the fantastic news. Of course I asked Thomas if it was okay with him because he is group leader and does a fine job at supporting us. 😁Anyhoot, the Mighty Events has approved Self Esteem Workshops for us and your girl is facilitating. How cool is this, right? Share this with a friend too or post on your page. We’re Mighty together! Sending love and peace to you. Here’s the link to RSVP, we’re kicking off on Friday! events.themighty.com/e/mve2jw
#conquerthemind #CheckInWithMe #Selfesteem #Confidence #MightyTogether

youtu.be/WL8zLV6vHO0 - defines gaslighting

It has taken me a longtime to understand how I was conditioned to continually doubt myself. To continually second guess my own reality. My thoughts and feelings were continually being ignored, minimized and dismissed.

I became aware of Elaine Aron’s HSP survival trait when I did a google search years ago for “what do you do when you are always being told “...you are too sensitive””

I was completely frustrated that every time I attempted to be vulnerable to try and share my inner most thoughts and feelings to my family of origin. This included every member, my mother, father older sister and 2 older brothers. The pattern was set from day one. If I cried I was annoying them with the noise I was making. As I got older and tried to communicate with words, I was consistently being told I’m not making sense. I began to internalize and believe whole heartedly that I did not know how to communicate.

What I learned and really resonate with being an HSP were the 4 key characteristics.
1. To be a deep processor of wanting to understand everything around me.
2. Being a deep empath, to be in tune to everyone’s emotions around me 24/7.
3. Being very alert to sensations of all 5 senses 24/7.
4. Getting completely overstimulated and overwhelmed because of the first 3.

So to be continually gaslighted throughout my childhood none of these traits were being nurtured. I was driven “crazy”. To cope I learned to fragment myself into many different parts. The main rule I learned was to never show my vulnerability to anyone. To do so was dangerous. This is where I started to even get gaslighted by the mental health system. Got the labels of #Depression #Anxiety #Dysthymia #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder . It has taken me over 15 years to understand I’m dealing with #CPTSD not #BipolarDisorder . My #CPTSD is from my early developmental emotional trauma of the years of being gaslighted. I’m still being gaslighted, this is my family of origins main toxic, dysfunctional emotional abuse. It’s chronic and even as I fully aware of when it happens each current interaction with my family and any friends or co-worker who exhibit any minimal to maximum forms of gaslighting leaves me emotionally drained. Like I just did several rounds in a boxing ring.

The gaslighting phrase that “ Stick and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a huge lie. Words and the creative was narcissist use them hurt a lot. They use their twisting of words and reality to beat me up time and time again. After some interactions I do not walk away as my current 52 year old self, but varied versions of me as a child.

The small wounded versions that got fragmented and disconnected from my innate HSP version of my true self. I’m trying to reconnect these fragmented parts into a more seamless and whole true self, but it is a very overwhelming challenge. Some days I can’t function.

Can others relate?