Persistent Depressive Disorder

I have not posted in awhile. I first started posting approx 7 years ago. I have been currently awake since 4 am’ish. I am back on another fundamental learning curve. I only found out in June 2024 that I have ADHD. Only finally secured a decent therapist a month ago. I can finally because I have benefits for the 1st time in 20 years. She supports my suspicion I am AuADHD. Only about up to 15 years ago the theory was no one could have both. On top of that one can be also born with a heightened sensitive nervous system. Elaine Aron’s research on the highly sensitive person survivor trait (HSP) has merit as well. A person can have a combination of all 3 of these processing styles. Again not disorders. There are way too many extremely ignorant mental health professionals who have no training or understanding of anything outside of the DSM.

I am so angry and resentful. I have had to learn in my 50’s things that the innate processing styles I was born with are not disorders. I also suffer from being raised by 2 emotionally immature parents. I am not supposed to say narcissists. Only others who were raised by narcissists gets that. Your whole perspective and lived experiences are gaslit and your consistently get scapegoated from birth. That screws up a person right from the start and it get miss and/or dismissed as no big deal. It’s the opposite. Just because I was not hit or experienced other hurricane physical abuses my trauma was missed and ignored until I was 52. I learned more in the last 5 years than the previous 52 years.

Things came to another crisis in Feb that caused me to go on medical leave (STD) and I am currently applying for long term disability. I have full validation I am experiencing another processing burnout. All these years I was made to feel I was so fundamentally flawed and that was why I keep having what I thought were breakdowns. In truth I now know I was experiencing AuADHD burnouts. My mind is running 24\7. So of course I would get overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily.

So now I see myself born with a heightened and sensitive nervous system. My brain processes things in neurodivergent ways. I was raised by emotional immature parents and that caused me to have a an ambivalent, disorganized insecure attachment style. I have been suffering from CPTSD from birth. So the idiot and I will stand by calling the psychiatrist who in 2013 diagnosed me with bipolar in one 45 minute session. He was an idiot who had no trauma training. Or any other understanding of anything outside the DSM. Had me on the wrong medications and would not listen to me when I knew I was not reacting well to the meds. My systems is sensitive to many meds and I do not have the “typical” responses that are expected. Plus when on social assistance they automatically give you the generic version of a med. I do not trust generics. They are cheaper for a reason you will never convince me they are the same as brand. Pharmaceutical companies are lying.

It as taken me over 10 years to start the healing on all the wrong professional supports I have had to experience. At 57 I feel I finally understand what I am dealing with. It still comes with a long list of its own challenges. Hence the latest learn curve includes a full physical and mental burnout. #c -PTSD #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Dysthymia #Anxiety

This article also validates the added difficulties of late neurodivergent diagnosis. Nicola Knobel is a very helpful with many practical resources.

Forgot can't upload YouTube links.

Google Nicola Knoble: burnout in late diagnosed women, clinical insight, lived experience and what actually helps.

AuDHD Burnout in Late Diagnosed Women: Clinical Insights, Li...

I have not posted in awhile. I first started posting approx 7 years ago. I have been currently awake since 4 am’ish. I am back on another fundamental learning curve. I only found out in June 2024 that I have ADHD. Only finally secured a decent therapist a month ago. I can finally because I have benefits for the 1st time in 20 years. She supports my suspicion I am AuADHD. Only about up to 15 years ago the theory was no one could have both. On top of that one can be also born with a heightened sensitive nervous system. Elaine Aron’s research on the highly sensitive person survivor trait (HSP) has merit as well. A person can have a combination of all 3 of these processing styles. Again not disorders. There are way too many extremely ignorant mental health professionals who have no training or understanding of anything outside of the DSM.

I am so angry and resentful. I have had to learn in my 50’s things that the innate processing styles I was born with are not disorders. I also suffer from being raised by 2 emotionally immature parents. I am not supposed to say narcissists. Only others who were raised by narcissists gets that. Your whole perspective and lived experiences are gaslit and your consistently get scapegoated from birth. That screws up a person right from the start and it get miss and/or dismissed as no big deal. It’s the opposite. Just because I was not hit or experienced other hurricane physical abuses my trauma was missed and ignored until I was 52. I learned more in the last 5 years than the previous 52 years.

Things came to another crisis in Feb that caused me to go on medical leave (STD) and I am currently applying for long term disability. I have full validation I am experiencing another processing burnout. All these years I was made to feel I was so fundamentally flawed and that was why I keep having what I thought were breakdowns. In truth I now know I was experiencing AuADHD burnouts. My mind is running 24\7. So of course I would get overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily.

So now I see myself born with a heightened and sensitive nervous system. My brain processes things in neurodivergent ways. I was raised by emotional immature parents and that caused me to have a an ambivalent, disorganized insecure attachment style. I have been suffering from CPTSD from birth. So the idiot and I will stand by calling the psychiatrist who in 2013 diagnosed me with bipolar in one 45 minute session. He was an idiot who had no trauma training. Or any other understanding of anything outside the DSM. Had me on the wrong medications and would not listen to me when I knew I was not reacting well to the meds. My systems is sensitive to many meds and I do not have the “typical” responses that are expected. Plus when on social assistance they automatically give you the generic version of a med. I do not trust generics. They are cheaper for a reason you will never convince me they are the same as brand. Pharmaceutical companies are lying.

It as taken me over 10 years to start the healing on all the wrong professional supports I have had to experience. At 57 I feel I finally understand what I am dealing with. It still comes with a long list of its own challenges. Hence the latest learn curve includes a full physical and mental burnout. #c -PTSD #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Dysthymia #Anxiety

This article also validates the added difficulties of late neurodivergent diagnosis. Nicola Knobel is a very helpful with many practical resources.

Forgot can't upload YouTube links.

Google Nicola Knoble: burnout in late diagnosed women, clinical insight, lived experience and what actually helps.

AuDHD Burnout in Late Diagnosed Women: Clinical Insights, Li...

Family & Friends of People with Mood Disorders virtual support group is for family members and friends of someone with a mood disorder.

This group provides opportunities to share valuable coping strategies and practical information that helps you support your loved ones experiencing mental health challenges.

Mood disorders include: major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder (mania – euphoric, hyperactive, over inflated ego, unrealistic optimism), persistent depressive disorder (long lasting low grade depression), cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar disorder), and SAD (seasonal affective disorder). (From www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/mood-disorders)

💻 If you'd like more information or would like to join, you can find the link here. Virtual groups are every 3rd Monday of the month, 6:30-8 PM Eastern Standard Time. Closed captioning is available: naminycmetro.org/programs/family-friends-of-people-with-mood-disorders

If you have any questions, feel free to comment below!

#BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Mania #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #Cyclothymia #Parenting #ChronicIllness #Depression #MentalHealth #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe