desperateforhelp

I live in Mexico. Last year I was in rehab due to BPD and binge eating disorder. It’s been 5 months now that I’ve been in recovery and today I feel like I relapsed into depression. I’m eating way too much out of anxiety and I don’t find the motivation to live anymore. I’m so scared of this disease taking over me, I skipped my therapists appointment tonight and lied about it, I used my therapy money on food binges and I haven’t been eating healthy for the past 2 weeks. I’m going into previous bad habits that could slowly kill me. I should be thankful to be alive but somehow I’m just numb. I’m surviving, not living, and I feel like I’ll never be happy again. I’m scared to socialize, that I’ll be boring to my friends, I don’t even know how to talk to them anymore, I feel like I’m faking it, just being someone they want me to be. Even though I go to a 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous, I’m so in denial that I feel it isn’t working because I’m too fucking stubborn to change.

Can anyone give me some motivation to change my mindset, please 🖤 #desperateforhelp #cryforhelp #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Overeating #bed #Loneliness #EmptinessIsHeavy

In a bit of a quandary here & genuinely don't know what to do. Ok, so my dad is emotionally abusive. But what I haven't mentioned is how on very rare occasions he's physically abusive, too. 3 separate times in maybe the last 10 years, he's dived at me, a crazy look in his eyes.

My mam always holds him off, while almost simultaneously trying to defend him. Today I told her that the way he behaves is in fact domestic abuse. She begged me not to tell anyone. " *I* couldn't stand the effect it would have on *me* " she said. But what about me? What the hell am I supposed to do? #MentalHealth #EmotionalAbuse #Fibromyalgia #desperateforhelp

10
....
You can’t do this!! You are weak.
My grip loosens

9
....

Freak show here. Come get your tickets.
Tears start rolling down

8

No one cares about you. You are worthless, a failure, a fraud, a loner, a mess.

7

Darkness
I am getting tired, can’t keep holding on,
all i see is the black hole below me
All i hear are voices of those above me - laughing, all happy and energised.

6, 5, 4

Always fine, always okay, always on show, I can feel the fight in me giving up. Holding out for that helping hand, finding no one, continue falling, failing

Helpless

3

I shout, i scream, hold on to the last part of me
I watch the parts of me that make me me

2

1

can’t let them win
But I’m just so tired
So tired of this life
So tired to fight
I just want to let go
Close my eyes
Take a deep breath #hopeless #desperateforhelp #exhausted #functionalyetnotfunctional

#Toxicpositivity #desperateforhelp

I have had panic disorder for more of my life then not. My panic disorder started when I was 16 and I am now 43. At one point and time I was agoraphobic and it took a lot of hard work to over come that. There have been many other things that I have fought against and overcome with a lot of therapy and support. But I have one issue that I just can't get over. I can't drive by myself without having a major panic attack. We all know the difference between having anxiety and having a panic attack and driving alone is the one thing I have tried and tried to overcome but I just can't seem to do it. I am really struggling with this now as I have a daughter now, she is only a year and a half but the time will come where I'm going to have to drive her places (school, activities, etc). Has anyone else had this battle and if so how did you overcome your driving anxiety as they call it? I would appreciate any and all suggestions. Thank you in advance!
#DrivingAnxiety #PanicAttack #desperateforhelp