diabetestyp2

after my hubby is tested positiv of Corona and I am not. Also my belly is still not very good after my hysterectomy. I lost some pounds the last couple days and now I am so afraid of food that I don't wanna have any. But having #diabetestyp2 it is necessary to have 3 meals a day. At least that is what my nutritionist tells me. And I need to get active and out again but #quarantine makes it impossible. I feel like I am slowly going crazy and back into very bad old habits. I need some distraction and ideas for some workout I can do without stretching my belly too much and taking care of the scar, which doesn't look too good I think. My doctor already told me to be careful with it and if it's still bad next Monday I have to get stitches again😫. I hate the thought but I'll do what it takes.

I had. After a doctor's appointment I had to wait 3 days for blood results that might show cancer. But it was not cancer. But the scare was real and I have to undergo surgery end of March anyway. Hope there won't come any complications up during the procedure. But I try my best to stay positive and #strong. I have to admit that I have an amazing husband and a few great friends I can count on in such times. I am also working on losing more weight. It goes slowly but steady. #WeightLoss is my 1st priority right now, manage my #diabetestyp2 my 2nd and no3 to keep my #Depression away. Working pretty good so far, hope it will last when the surgery is getting closer.

and I felt so overwhelmed but relieved and the same time when we started going over my biography. I was so nervous at first but she has such a great way of listening and support that it was quickly like we've known each other for a long time.
First step: ✔
second step: taking better care of my health and body by using lent season to give a #Vegan diet a try. I read so much about the benefits of this diet, especially if you suffer from #diabetestyp2 that I will try it out til Easter. It should not be a big problem to cut out dairy, because I am #lactoseintolerant and use substitutes already. But not having a bacon n egg bagel for Sunday breakfast will be a bit of a challenge. In order to avoid any temptation I will stop in selected stores only and stop buying treats as well, vegan or not. I know this is the really hard part, because there is still my appointment with the gynaecologist ahead, to find out about #PCOS and possible surgery. And as if this is not enough, we now have coronavirus in my county. It still is miles away in a different city but it is a scary thought.
If you guys have an tips for me for my diet I'd be so happy to read it. Thanks and good night from Germany.
#diabetestyp2 #PCOS #Healthy #body #Selflove

for my #Therapist and I feel worse the longer I wait to start. My #Depression is coming in waves and so are the things I wanna write down. I don't know how to put it all in order but I cannot ask for help. And as if this is all not enough I now got a appointment with the gynaecologist for another examination and discussing possible surgery. This year really sucks on so many levels so far. And I feel left alone with it all. I never had much friends but the few I have don't understand that this all worries me. They keep telling me to wait for the appointment and not think about it all. Which is easier said than done. And to make it all more complicated I keep falling into old structures where I am so angry and hard on myself. I even started to call myself names again and hurt myself. I wanna punish myself every time I have some food esp. if it is not healthy. My hubbie's trying to be by my side and keeps telling me how good I am but in my head the mean little voice keeps telling what a failure and how fat, ugly and disgusting I am. I hate myself most of the time and think how disgusting I look.

#Anxiety #Fear #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Depression #diabetestyp2

Yesterday was my birthday and before having lunch with my hubby and my family I had a doctor's appointment. My Gyne told me that it looks like I've got #PolycysticOvarySyndrome and have to undergo #Surgery soon. So as you can imagine my party mood was blown away. I am still processing but it feels nearly impossible because tomorrow is my hubby' s back surgery. I feel torn and twisted and completely out of place. When I told my family they did not seem to really care. And I don't have the time to really think about it. I just need to make the appointments and go through with it, don't I?! #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Pain #Depression #diabetestyp2

tomorry I have an appointment with my psychiatrist and we have to decide if I go back to work Monday. The upcoming week will be hard for me either way because it is my mother's birthday and I have a first appointment with a therapist. I feel like I am not ready to go back to work before my hubbie's back surgery which is in two weeks. But everybody thinks I was on sick leave for the flu and that I am good again. I didn't tell my parents and my in laws because they worry about my hubby and my sister already and I thought I could deal with my #Depression #diabetestyp2 and possible kidney failure all by myself . But now I am not so sure it was all such a good idea. I still cannot manage to get some sleep without chemical help and think about overdosing at least once a day. At the same time I try to tell myself that it is not so bad. This whole thing is exhausting and confusing me so much. I am scared as hell of the therapist appointment but I know I need to go. I cannot deal with everything by myself, right?

I am going back to work after the Christmas/New Years break and I am far from happy. Christmas Eve I had a nervous breakdown #Depression and #PanicAttack kicked me right in my stomach. I picked up a fight with my hubby over nothing and I even started to hurt myself with a knife. No one recognized it and didn't tell anybody. I felt like I couldn't breath until I cut myself and got back to reality that way. Do you know this deep, dark, horrible pain that makes you so numb, you think you're dead? Every time I thought about work the last couple days, I started to feel this pain again and the numbness. I don't wanna go back but I cannot give the job up, for obvious reason. I feel trapped and in a circle of destruction. But there's nobody who seems to see it. I tried to tell by writing a message on fb and what's app yesterday but I got no response from my parents or my sister. Only my husband assured me that he is standing by my side and will help me fight the #diabetestyp2 and my other demons. I am scared about tomorrow and how I will deal with all the changes that are necessary in order to be more healthy. I fear to become a failure. Like I was my whole life.