Today my mother brought me my toothbrush into my room because I, a 16 year-old, couldn't get to the bathroom (on my own). The pain from my JIA was so severe, that my legs felt like they burned and every step was one too much. I felt helpless. I cried while I looked to the bathroom, 3 metres away from me, but still unreachable.
My illness and disability always felt like a burden, like something to overcome, but today-... today felt like another level. I never felt THAT helpless, THAT dependent on others, and frankly, it was quite terrifying.
So I brushed my teeth over a bowl, my mother held for me and I felt ashamed. I felt so much shame, from being seen like that by my mother. Shame from needing her help with something as simple as brushing my teeth. I don't want her or anyone to think that I can't live my life on my own. I can and I will. Or at least that's what I thought, but today made me wonder if that's realistic. Today made me fall apart and left me with the question of what my future will look like.
#disabledteenager #helpless #future #ChronicPain #Pain #Shame #struggle #JuvenileIdiopathicArthritis #Arthritis #Family