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    Things could have turned out completely differently and this makes me so dizzy.

    So many stuff my mind's showing me at the moment.

    I am here by chance.

    I did nothing to come here; just went with the flow; I built nothing to come where I am now.

    If it wasn't for all the people I would have been still eleven.

    I feel like my youth years just went without me really living them. Now I should be an adult, but I haven't lived what was supposed to come before (or - I lived it while being tossed around).

    There's so many stuff I can't do now.

    I just wish I had more friends and more stability.

    I really wish I had the time between one people and the other to take a break and find my balance and myself within all the confusion.

    I am consistenceless; I'm based on void.

    [makes me a bit scared]

    Wondering what I'm doing next. Let's see.


    #Photography #landscape #Autumn #Memories #past #Present #future #Life


    Free to be 2023

    We are free just to be. Here comes 20233 #future #2023 #free #Justwait #NC


    University, the future, hopelessness

    I have 12 days before my first exam and I am not prepared at all. The unpreparedness has been hanging over me for the entire semester, I hate studying and I do not know what I will do in the future. My boyfriend said "Last year I told you it'd get better, you would be more focused, etc. But I am actually quite surprised that it didn't". All while he is trying to help me, I think he has no clue about how mental health works, and I did not choose to be bad at my studies or feel so sad all the time. He analyses stuff that do not require analysis. I think being sad in front of him is a big mistake. It is just frustrating despite the fact that I did not expect him to understand me. I think everything just got worse when I started sharing my problems with him. He doesn't understand me at all. #Boyfriend #Relationships #relationship #School #studentlife #study #studies #Education #Anxiety #future #Career #MentalHealth #despair #Sadness

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    Accept and Appreciate Yourself, Today

    I saw this tonight and it speaks volumes to me. It’s motivational and positive in its message. It’s for those of us who have held onto the past,and the person we use to be. Sometimes memories hold us too much to the past, or we’ve been rooted in the past, and feel stagnant. We’re always growing and changing though, and hopefully becoming the better, the best versions, of ourselves. The #future is at hand my friends #TheMighty #change happens, #Motivation #Positivity #movingon #letgo of the past, #learn what we need to from whatever we’ve been through, and level up for the future..

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    Every Day is a New Day!

    If you can never truly let go of what’s already done, then you aren’t allowing yourself to have a better present or a better future. What we deserve and truly desire in this life is true happiness. To truly be happy is to accept where you are at the time being, and believing that the choices or mistakes you made were made for a reason. For the years that I allowed myself to live in misery because I was stuck in the past, I truly look back on now and wonder why I wasted all that time. When I finally let go of the past, was the exact moment I felt life gave me another chance. One of the easiest yet hardest concepts to grasp I finally learned. For all the years I kept walking through the same cycle, the same old doors stayed open. When I finally learned to let go and accept my circumstances and situations for what it was, the new doors were finally opened to things and people I never imagined possible.
    #Goodmorning #future #Present #Inspiration #Selfcare #ChasingLife #Happiness


    Every day is a rollercoaster

    #sad #happy #Therapy #Trauma #alone #scared #future #Grief #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #CPTSD #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse

    Why is it so hard to function one day and then the next day I (meaning today) I took care of several calls to make appointments had therapy... But therapy (Virtual) brought me down again. I cried like a baby, I Imagine it was not pleasant for my therapist to see.lol I want to go back to bed now but I will try to fight the urge.


    Stress from pursuing my #passion

    The stress I experience already for years, mainly comes (regardless of the internal factors) from dealing with school and ballet. I'm now in 10th grade. I love dancing and it always will be a part of me, but I don't think,  that doing it professionally in a company would be the best for my body, mental health and general well beeing.  It never was my number one dream and just loving dance and having talent isn't enough. #Ballet #future #School


    Expectations #Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #future #Fear

    Through the ages the evolution of expectation has led to fewer and fewer of us being able to recognise the present moment. In expectation we set a bar often so high that our plans will fail, hope will dwindle and instead of embracing the now we are torn between an anxiety of what could happen next and a depression of what could have been. Before we were born there were expectations on our weight, hearing, how much hair we would have. When we first saw the light of day expectation fell on when we could crawl, could eat solid food, could smile and walk, go to the toilet and talk. We see what others deem to be the normal and align our expectation to meet it but we are all on our own journey. Our lives are almost mapped out for us by the world around us, by the generations before us and how they lived life, when to have kids, what car to drive, what is a ‘good’ job and what subjects you should study in school. Far deeper than that we also carry the expectation we can’t die, we won’t get cancer, we will be around for ages so no rush, we can do everything another day. Without knowing we expect the sun to shine, the wind to blow. Check your expectations aren’t too high, we walk before we run, things take time and work so ensure even if you are setting goals, planning ahead you can separate the clock time from the psychological and don’t fall into the trap of setting yourself up for the fall. Be present in this moment it’s the greatest place to be and through expectations we can easily forget simply being instead of always seeking the future. Expectation can blind us from all we are blessed with, all the small things that get taken for granted as we expect them to be there.

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    The future

    What happens next?? .. its a question I find has been on my mind for quite a while. My options are limited as is funding. It makes my stomach cringe to think about big things like whats ahead. And too many questions are still left unanswered.
    Personally I don't see much ahead for me aside from more stress and life long pain and somehow I am supposed to over come that and live when I really don't have the will too.. I'd say it sucks I'm too chicken**** to end things, but I know my mother appreciates that and also knows I could never do that to her.
    It's a weird time to be figuring life out. In one sense there is so much out there, but I have more than just my mental health to take into consideration now. Learning what my limits are physically as I understand my recent MS diagnoses has been more difficult than I like to admit. It's frustrations are mostly around symptoms I never thought I would have to deal with or ones I didn't expect I would deal with so early in life. Not that I was an especially active person, but I enjoyed getting out when I went out. And not being able to voice myself or speak even adequately when i have always been such an articulate person... is it wrong that the most frustrating part is how understanding people have been??
    I have a long road ahead. And there is never an end to the lessons and learning. #future #Anxiety #MentalHealth #lifechanges #Depression #MultipleSclerosis #Recovery #learning #Lessons


    Helpless #ChronicIllness #Disability #teenager

    Today my mother brought me my toothbrush into my room because I, a 16 year-old, couldn't get to the bathroom (on my own). The pain from my JIA was so severe, that my legs felt like they burned and every step was one too much. I felt helpless. I cried while I looked to the bathroom, 3 metres away from me, but still unreachable.
    My illness and disability always felt like a burden, like something to overcome, but today-... today felt like another level. I never felt THAT helpless, THAT dependent on others, and frankly, it was quite terrifying.
    So I brushed my teeth over a bowl, my mother held for me and I felt ashamed. I felt so much shame, from being seen like that by my mother. Shame from needing her help with something as simple as brushing my teeth. I don't want her or anyone to think that I can't live my life on my own. I can and I will. Or at least that's what I thought, but today made me wonder if that's realistic. Today made me fall apart and left me with the question of what my future will look like.
    #disabledteenager #helpless #future #ChronicPain #Pain #Shame #struggle #JuvenileIdiopathicArthritis #Arthritis #Family