DJD

I have been unemployed since January and sometimes I feel like adding my diagnosis as qualifications because Is nothing like driving in a freeway during a flare up or talking to a complaining customer giving a presentation or being called to your boss office and keep it together till you make it to a safe place and give yourself a shot or take the medicine in the bathroom at work hoping that it works fast so no one noticed
Also maybe adding the listing of medications we have to take daily at different times of the day
My qualifications are fibromyalgia, migraine,DJD, endometriosis, spinal fusion 3 levels front and back, my legs R numb buy I still wear heels 👠
I take
Savella
Cymbalta
Tramadol
Tizinadine
Gralize
Propanolol
Seroquel
Xanax
Imitrex
Etc

I’m the best for this position 👩🏻‍💻

PAIN NAUSEA INSOMNIA BRAINFOG PAIN PAIN ANXIETY NERVOUSNESS PAIN FEELING HELPLESS

Being quarantined is my normal with the exception that I don’t feel anxious going outside since no one is in the streets for once I was happy walking my dog and grocery shopping , everywhere is empty normally I get nervous just to leave my home 🏡
# my dogs my moral support
3 days with flare up but my babies always giving me love 🐶❤️🙏🏻

I'm there more than I care to admit. I have labeled myself as "Chronically Suicidal ". And it's not so much that I want to end my life as I just want it all to end...the pain, the limits that all of my physical issues have placed on me, the Mental issues and the crying that goes with it, along with all of the other up and down emotions I carry in my baggage. I just want to be released from everything being broken and not being able to fix even one thing of this degenerating body and the toxic mind. I want release from the hopelessness, helplessness, emptiness and loneliness that is merely existence. But...I stay. I stay because of my pets. They are my reason to breathe. I have nothing else to keep me here except my love and obligations to them. I am the only surviving member of my family. My parents and siblings have all left this Earth. One by one I've watched them die and I keep asking my Creator "WHY am I still here?" I could never have kids, and I've been divorced from the 18 year toxic, abusive marriage I was chained to for 17 years now. I'm in my late 60's and too afraid and untrusting to give my love to anyone else ever again. No-one would even notice if I left...except my dogs.
I hope that everyone who is thinking about Suicide finds their reason to breathe. 💜
#AnxietyDisorder #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #DJD #DCD # #IamFallingApart