driving

Just like the title. I am very curious to see if anyone experiences the same full blown panic attacks that I have! Mine are horrible! They are the all the same! They are all like a deja' vu to me! Like I have been there before in the exact same scenario, but I haven't. They are so real! Again, they are full blown where it takes me awhile to get out of then I sweat and have a warming go over my body! Heavy breathing/panting til I finally realize I am where I am and come down off of the attack. These have happened while driving before and could be quite dangerous since they are so debilitating! Anyone else? Thanks for reading and sharing if you don't mind. Kim #Anxiety #panic #Depression #Fear #Driving #deja

I so badly want to pass this time. I've been practicing for nearly two years now...I can't stop thinking about it :/

Driving thoughts: You know who I'm talking to. Also, for anyone else that needs to hear this.

I need you to listen. My heart is telling me that you're feeling down and that you feel your not enough. Well that's insane because you are more then enough. You're so damn amazing that I felt it in my heart when your light started to dim.

Not only that but my heart started to break because I could feel the sadness consuming you making tears fall from those gorgeous eyes.

So you see you matter so much that when your sad the world and my heart need your light to break through the darkness. So get up darlin cuz I need you.

#lorazepam does not seem to work on its own but yet putting on earbuds seems dangerous but i felt so much calmer. Is there a way to make it safer?

Driving thoughts: I hope that we don't dim or shrink or fold into spaces far too tight.

And like the trees teach us that it's okay to lose our leaves as seasons change and then come back to life, I hope that nature teaches us to look at ourselves and be kind like mother earth and her oceans are not afraid of their size, and the sun is not concerned if someone has to squint their eyes because it shines.

I hope today you remember that the sky is not humiliated by its vastness and the mountains remain unashamed of their height.

Yes, today I hope you look at yourself and you are kind.

As I mentioned earlier, I met with a new doctor today. I really liked my previous one but life changes made him choose between his practice and family. I'm thrilled he decided on family. More respect.

Anyway, my anxiety hit the roof when my new doc walked in and the first words out of his mouth were, "What do I need to say to you that all of this (gesturing to my file) is all in your head? I think you like playing the victim and I don't have time for victims." I actually made myself proud that I didn't get so angry to cause physical harm. I didn't say a word, gathered my things and walked out of the room. I heard him say, "well there goes another one." Not sure what he meant and I don't want to dive too deep into it. I stopped at the front desk and requested my files. Told them I would wait and I prayed he didn't come around the corner. He didn't so I'm not in jail. Just back to the drawing board. Why is it so hard for the medical field to believe that fibro is real?

No sleep for me tonight...

Well this afternoon I have an appointment with a new doctor. Mine retired. I hate this! The having to explain everything again. To see the doubt in their eyes and wondering if I'm just crazy and they need to send me to the looney bin. The "I can't believe you are in that much pain. I know I couldn't deal with it let alone try to function." Well, I do and I have too. I am mentally sound despite depression and anxiety, and I'm here so you can help me. I feel like I've taken a dozen steps back instead of forward. Ugh!