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I am stronger than #Suicide


So here I am
Around people
And I can’t breathe

Hundreds around me
And I’m alone

Isn’t it funny
That you always feel
The most isolated
When you are around others

So here I am

As others around me breathe
I too, ask
Why cant I swim

But I can swim
Just your words drag me down
My injuries sting
Like weights on my skin yearning for the inky depths

As the voices in my head get stronger
And stronger

But I’m too scared to drown so I keep fighting

Created 21/9/2018
#Depression  #Anxiety #Suicide #MightyPoets #MentalHealth #Selfharm#fighter  #SuicidalThoughts #Poetry #Drownoutthevoices

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Celebrating Victories— Big and Small #CelebrateTheSmallWins #Drownoutthevoices #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #Depression #Anxiety #PhoneAnxiety #ABlessedmother #Drivingagain #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #chronicpainsufferer #Cavedweller #Quiltdiver #fearful #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicFatigue #Focusonthepositive

I’ve overcome some major hurdles lately. I’m coping better and slowly emerging from “my cave” to engage with the world again. It’s still a HUGE struggle, but I’m having a few more victories.

Yesterday, my son took the day off work to help me leave the house, God bless him. I had to really push through the pain, fatigue, fear, anxiety, distractions and tears, but I finally got outside the front door, even if it was technically just before midnight (11:52pm)!!!! I was able to drive my car for the first time in nearly a year and go grocery shopping at the supermarket.

Earlier, I made urgent calls to my bank, and several others, to sort out a mix up — a huge thing for someone with phone anxiety!!!

These are all good things, right?

So why is it that in the back of my head, I have this “voice” saying... “Wait for it, your bubble is going to burst... This won’t last. You’re going to crash and burn, just wait and see.” 👺👹

Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

Please help me drown out this voice. I want to focus on, and celebrate, my victories — big and small. Having good days doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days in the future. It doesn’t mean I won’t lose a battle here and there. But I don’t want to waste me time and precious energy worrying about those negatives and miss out on today’s positives.