ear infection

My mental health has been better. There’s times when I struggle, but I’m trying my best to stay upbeat. Doctors have finally decreased my meds after I took it into my own hands and decreased it myself.

One thing I forgot to mention here was that I had a torn tendon 2 months back. I’m fully recovered now, which naturally means I’m getting tendon pain in the other foot and felt it trying to tear itself/ it would have if I didn’t have such a short distance to walk on that day.

I had bad news at my second post-op appointment. I was told I had an ear infection. It’s thankfully cleared up now, but it meant another two weeks of 3x a day drops, which didn’t really work with my lifestyle. Now it’s just the anxious wait to find out if it’s caused my op to fail, as they were worried.

The sinus issues have been bad. I wasn’t symptomatic last week, so I stupidly didn’t take it when I should have and I’ve paid for it this week where nothing is getting the migraines under control.

To be honest, I’ve been getting tired of taking medication. I’ve been taking them every day for almost 10 years now. I don’t remember a life without them. All my teenage and adult years, I was taking them. I hate that I can’t just simply go to sleep when I’m exhausted, I have to take my medication and make sure it’s the right amount of tablets for the right medications. And I’ve had 3 new medications added in the last few weeks, so it is getting tiring. But I simply can’t exist without them, I’ve seen what I’m like without them.

My chronic pain has been worse. And with my refusal to take painkillers unless absolutely necessary, worsened by the whole medication issue, I’ve been struggling.

#ChronicPain #EarInfection #Infection #Pain #Medication #Medicine #MentalHealth #sinusitis #Migraines #Postop #Recovery

Apparently I had a panic attack today. I say apparently because I wasn’t panicking.

I started getting breathless with my mask at work again. I kept it on because I know it’s generally psychological for people and I get breathless all the time with it. But for some reason, at some point after I noticed I was getting breathless I felt the need to check my heart rate.

It was over 150bpm. I tried the breathing thing for anxiety but it wasn’t working. I took the mask off (not supposed to) and while the breathlessness wasn’t so bad, my heart rate wouldn’t go down and my chest was hurting.

Ended up sitting down and got it down to 120bpm after about 15 minutes so I got back to work (though without the mask on). Went home half an hour early too.

Not sure what exactly set off the “panic attack” as I have 0 issue with wearing a mask, and the breathlessness wasn’t concerning me.

The doctors finally got to me about my medication today (had to send them a reminder) and it’s been doubled and said to try and take it in the morning. So I guess I’ll wait it out a few weeks to see if it makes a difference or not.

Ear has been hurting a bit today but not enough to make me want to take painkillers so I just waited it out as well.

Hakuna matata anyway!

#ChestPain #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #breathlessness #EarInfection

Man I love when you type something and then the app crashes so you have to type it all again.

Ear infection is getting better :D no more discharge, just hearings gone but I’ve got 2 days on the antibiotics and I’ve looked up how long it can take for it to come back and it’s up to 4 weeks apparently. A helpful warning so that I don’t get frustrated after only one week. Oh for a few days I did have extreme lightheadedness but this was at the start of the ear infection snd it’s worn off now so I believe that was another part of it.

Back has been in pain. Leg wanted to start up too but thankfully the sensation that I get when the pain is starting up didn’t stick around.

Chest pain but not sure if it’s actual chest pain or skin irritation pain as I was wearing a new T-shirt for a few days which has been a bit of a sensory attack at points (it’s got glittery thread in some of the logo, which is a no-no for me in socks but never had with a T-shirt before so gave it a try). Rubbed sudocrem in it and the T-shirt is in the wash now so hopefully will find out if it was irritation or not.

The narc came back into my life. I wasn’t perfect with them and I apologised to them after my past few Bible plan readings making me feel the need to apologise, and long story short they apologised and still wanted to be friends and I agreed because they phrased it as so I didn’t have to avoid our friends if they were with him.

I can’t tell if they’re actually a narc or not. They have all the signs but they apologised about their behaviour and like to own being narcissistic, both of these things narcs don’t tend to do. However our friend said that they were a narc and they deal with one every day and have done for their whole life, whereas I only whenever I hung out with the previous narc and only for two years.

Anyways, they’ve been kept at arms length until today. They initiated a conversation and it ended up like being the old times. It was nice, but afterwards I looked back after absentmindedly noting some red signs in my head of his previous behaviour (when they came up in conversation, I tried to get them to pass as quickly as possible by not engaging in talking about it, and I also tried to remind him what we had agreed on when we first started talking again, but he didn’t seem to care which I guess makes sense when he’s not the one that would hurt).

As a result, I’m not sure if it was him genuinely wanting a conversation or if he had other intentions. I’m leaning towards the latter though, and it sucks. I’ve been told I’m too nice before so it just opens myself to hurt. How he acts the next time I talk to him will tell me whether he had good intentions or not I guess and I can go from there.

#NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #narcissism #Friendship #ChestPain #Infection #EarInfection #Hearing #BackPain #ChronicPain