emotionalinstability

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Overwhelming emotion-thought whirlwinds

The emotional intensity of these just hands my ass too me. All of a sudden everything feels wrong I am angry, sad, scared with such intensity that I’m bombarded with intrusive thoughts of ending things, between floods of tears or flashes of rage depending on the tone of the snap, I sit crying with intrusive thoughts of self-harm and suicide that I just have to fight not to act on.

The emotions are so intense they control my mind, I get caught in thought loops, “make them break up with you so you can die without hurting anyone” - I am AWARE that these emotions are too intense, and I’m aware my thoughts are irrational but the emotional intensity and mental scrambling is at such intensity I can’t pull myself out of it. Unless I self-harm, which I don’t do. So it lasts, 4,5,6 - 9 hours.

I watch it and slowly try to pick my emotions apart. Draw them write them, call a helpline and talk. Try to get to the core of this tangled knot of emotional bullshit. I feel shame for the thoughts and feelings I have in that state which are hard to recover from. And the intensity of the experience is such that I _feel_like_ I did the things I only thought and felt.

Too other people it looks like I go from normal to a broken mess in half a day, they don’t understand because I can’t explain. I can’t explain because of the shame, because I’m aware how crazy the experience is. So I just keep it inside, try to forgive myself and keep being a good person to the people around me. Xx #TriggerWarnings #emotionalinstability #Selfharm #quietbpd #SuicidalIdeation

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Treat yourself

Yesterday I got my booster shot and I haaaaate needles 💉 🙈 So afterwards instead if rushing back to work , Ingot myself a bubble waffle with icecream, fruits and whipped cream😋. Something I always wanted to try. So sitting in the sun and enjoying the waffle, a feeling of pride hit me - i treated myself to sth I always wanted to try and enjoyed every bite of it.
So treat yourself to the little things that give you joy. You deserve them. Some coffee or tea, a five minute break (in the sun), whatever you can to make your live good. One of your most important jobs. You deserve it. 🧡 #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #emotionalinstability #Treatyourself

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We all need a friend

…and it can be a stuffed animal, a four-legged friend(looooooover her so much), or a two-legged friend. Or actually even an imaginary friend.
Whatwver beings you comfort when you feel lonely. I bought myself a teddy bear during my darkest days to comfort me.
So surround yourself with the soulmates that bring you comfort, no matter what shape the have. Just make sure they are cuddley cause we all need a hug sometimes.
Send a big hug to whoever needs it.
#Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #emotionalinstability #dog #friend

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Much needed break

Sometimes the circumstances (aka the dog) decided that you should take a break. Now.
And she is right🥰
Taking a much needed break. Breathing, listening to my dog snoring. That’s it.
Those are the best breaks.
So take a break if you need one. Now.
Kali says so🥺🐶
#Anxiety #emotionalinstability #Depression #Break #rest #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #dog

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My beloved dog with funny fluff on top of her ears🥰

She is my sunshine and just such a happy, loving dog🥰And her happiness is indeed a little contagious for me.
She doesn’t care that her harness is crooked cause she just scratched herself. And she just scratched away because it itched. To me she is a great reminder to live in the moment and take good care of myself. 🥰
Have a happy start into this week everybody. ☺️ #Depression #Anxiety #emotionalinstability #dog #Happiness #happydog

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Without her I would smile a lot less 🥰

I love my girl sooo much and am so happy that she is in my life. Wouldn’t want to miss her for the world even if she sometimes frustrates me when she has her stubborn moments. My life would be a lot less fun and smiles without her.
Right now I am feeling down and just knowing she will sleep next to me later on, males me feel better already.
So I really hope her picture makes you smile as well.
#Depression
#Anxiety
#dog
#emotionalinstability
#Feelingdown

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Lots of love to all of you

And the first person on that list is YOU!
So be extra loving and kind to yourself today.
You need yourself to love you and to show up for you.
Whatever tiny little step that is today.
You got this.
We got this.

#Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #emotionalinstability
#Love #kidness

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I imagine it to be so nice and calm under water

Just the water making those gargling noise, you feel like you are soaring, all around you the water. Imagine you could hear the whales singing their songs for you. You feel like you are part of this, fearless, free. Your breath is calm and your muscles are relaxed. 🥰🐋
#Anxiety
#Depression
#emotionalinstability
#safeplace
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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When I don’t know where to turn with all my inner tension...

...I turn to painting. And I am so thankful for this way of release. My past self would have gone running. My current self can’t unless I want to deal with excruciating back pain afterwards.
So my little monster and I are wishing you a relaxed Sunday evening 🤗
#Depression
#Anxiety
#emotionalinstability
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#BackPain

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Getting off of medication is such a hard procesa

I am currently getting off of my medication for depression / social anxiety (as agreed with my psychologist) and it feels like everything is falling apart. I just want to quit everything and run away (my job, friendships, my physical therpay for my back, the move...everything). I have been crying at some point every day for the last week and am oversensitive. And we are taking it as slow as possible. This was the reduction to a dose where my body should feel the difference, so below the level of effectiveness.
That I am currently trying to organize a move probably doesn’t make it easier...but still...

What has your process been like when you stopped a certain medication? How long did this phase last? What did you do to make it less harsh?

#Depression
#Anxiety
#emotionalinstability
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#CheckInWithMe
#Medication

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