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    Intrusive thoughts which infect the mind

    I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

    When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

    The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

    It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

    I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

    This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

    I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

    EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

    #Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

    10 reactions 6 comments
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    I don’t have many friends and I’m really lonely I used to message my partner all the time and I guess became codependent would anyone be my friend?

    Hi sorry I’m going through a tough time everything in life is wrong right now and I’m just trying to survive and start from zero again. Would anyone be ok being friends or checking in on each other from time to time ? DM Chat or comments ? Thank you if you don’t mind, I’m really struggling and need to reach out for help,

    Gonna do my best to check out counselling if free or something I could afford as I’m unemployed and struggle to keep a job. Thank you for any kind words or anyone who doesn’t mind checking on each other everyone now and then. It would mean a lot during this hard time. Thank you everyone, and any help really means so much. #Selflove #Trying #Pain #inpain #Crisis #Tryinghard #hurt #anger #disappoinent #Unexpected #breakup #notcopingwell #ThankYou #lonely #friend #praying #hopeallworksout #ThankYou #reminders #Anxiety #Trying #future #Fear #Pain #Depression #help #self -help #needtobestrong #counselling #reachout #cheerup #DistractMe #needafriend

    19 reactions 10 comments
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    Thanksgiving Week

    Hello Everyone! It's #Thanksgiving week. I wanted to wish you a happy holiday. Whether you are spending it with #Family or a #friend or a #Furbaby you are never #alone . I think sometimes this time of year is a kick off for some of the most difficult things to face. This means #lonely for some #Grief for others and many more #Emotions .

    I want to let you know that whatever you're facing... You're not #alone .

    I am here for you.

    13 reactions 6 comments
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    Getting really frustrated and hurt

    I have a friend, my bestie. The last several months she's cancelled on me nearly every time we are supposed to get together. It's really beginning to hurt. I've told her how this feels numerous times. She has borderline personality disorder. At what point do I pull the plug on this? What would you ? #friend

    5 comments
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    Well that's it. I am on the path to self sabotage

    I've stayed home for the past 3 days

    I lashed out at my therapist today and was real nasty. She even got frustrated herself. But I caused that

    My friend got frustrated as they're trying to help me, but I just refuse to let them in

    Trauma processing lead me down a bad path of realizations that I refuse to "heal"

    I'm done with this fucking painful ass journey

    And so with that I have failed

    I have officially became an abuser

    My hope is that this path of self sabotage, damage, and pain will lead me to taking my life

    I'd rather be dead than to face this stupid journey

    #Suicide #Abuse #control #friend

    3 comments
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    ABSOLUTE TRUST #Trust #Cat #Love #SafeSpace #friend

    My cat is not God who sees all things and understands all things. However in her perfection as “Cat” she constantly reminds me that in her eyes I am a safe haven. Lindt was a rescue cat. Left behind with her kittens when her human family moved. Today she is precious in My eyes and a good reminder that I am precious in Gods eyes. We are Loved!!!

    10 comments
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    Trauma and friend issues

    Got a bit of a heavy issue.. I've endured some heavy traumatic stuff especially over the past couple years.. And when times get tough, I retreat into my shell.. I don't talk to anybody, possibly for fear of rejection or being a burden.
    Well with a couple of recent traumas when reaching out to a particular friend, I wasn't greeted with such a warm welcome. He is also a friend of one of the people I was in a traumatic situation with. I feel he didn't believe/want to understand the situation, as a result wasn't supportive. I then went through an S-assault about a year later, and didn't really get any emotional supportive response through that either.
    So for a good while I decided to not keep contact.
    Fast forward to recent months I've gotten back in contact with him, and still not so warm welcoming.
    I try to explain that I turn into a hermit when things get tough and it's nothing personal on us as friends..
    But his response was basically that I've been a shit friend and i need to step it up.

    There's been no understanding from my perspective of post traumatic stress, depression, reliance on substance..
    I know I've been a shit friend to a few people.. But my other friends have been pretty understanding when I apologise and explain.

    This situation has also been rewinding my brain to some horrible experiences meanwhile too..

    I'd just like to see if anyone has been through something similar and how they've approached it..

    Much love xoxo
    #Trauma #traumatic #Depression #PTSD #Friendship #friend

    8 comments
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    Am I being gaslighted? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalHealth #friend

    So my friend let me use her Netflix account. She said 1 screen. I didn't realize my boyfriend wad watching 1 screen and I was using the other (we were in 2 different rooms) and she messages me sort of flipping out on me, saying it's boy okay that in using 2 screens and that it's boy okay be ause if he mon was to sign on and her mon can't watch anything it's just not okay. So I said okay I'll just log off then. Well apparently that wasn't a good answer. She told me to stop acting like a teenager and that I should go have a tantrum on someone else, blah blah blah. She is a treatment counselor and works with people diagnosed with bpd. So I left her alone for a week because I was hurt. She messages asking if I'm over whatever that was. And that she understands me saying I'll just log off was a quick response and I just can't help them due to my bpd.
    I've already cut her off, but I just want to clarify that she is definitely gaslighting me right? I'm still new to bpd, only been diagnosed for a year but it makes sense, and I'm still waiting on therapy and dbt treatment.

    3 comments
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    We all need a friend

    …and it can be a stuffed animal, a four-legged friend(looooooover her so much), or a two-legged friend. Or actually even an imaginary friend.
    Whatwver beings you comfort when you feel lonely. I bought myself a teddy bear during my darkest days to comfort me.
    So surround yourself with the soulmates that bring you comfort, no matter what shape the have. Just make sure they are cuddley cause we all need a hug sometimes.
    Send a big hug to whoever needs it.
    #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #emotionalinstability #dog #friend

    12 comments
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    The difficult first post - an introduction

    Hi, all.

    I thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Casey, and I'm a writer/workshop leader and poet living in the UK.

    About ten weeks ago, I found out that my friend Steve took his own life. The more time passes, the more irritable I feel.

    I have extensive experience with losses due to terminal illness, but this is really different. Steve was a mental health advocate as well as dealing with his own demons. His online courses and articles really helped me, and I'm struggling deeply with the fact that he gave so much to others, and could not keep up the fight himself.

    Compounding this is the fact that I received an email newsletter from another source, which inadvertently gave me insight into how Steve ended his life. I don't know what to do with that.

    Good to be here, anyway.

    #Grief #Suicide #friend

    3 comments