Today it just hit me again. I am extremely lonely 😞. I have been lonely most of my life, and sometimes I can push it aside. Today though it’s one of those days where I am feeling hopeless despite the truth.
I don’t want to live my whole life with literally only a few friends that I rarely or barely speak to. I need more Christian friends near my age. I’m not against having old and young friends, but I need some around my age.
I’m 32 years old I have OCD, ADHD, Aspergers which is light Autism and mild Tourette’s. I’m so tired of having virtually no friends! I’m in a state of feeling despair of ever being able to function as an adult as well.
My anxiety drains me and leaves me less functional especially in the evening. I have trouble sleeping. I’ve been rejected by fellow brothers and sisters who couldn’t or wouldn’t understand me. (Not that I should blame them too much, I would have avoided me too.) Still the cliques really hurt me. I still struggle with anger from old wounds.
I feel like a child trapped in a man’s body. Trapped in a vortex of struggles that I fear I will never overcome in this life. I have hope for after this life and I should not box God in saying that I can’t overcome these diseases I suffer from. For all of my inadequacies He is strong 💪! He is my strength! I don’t feel these truths or any of the truths that are in God’s Word. I know that I can’t rely on feelings; they are too fickle. I’m not sure I am surrendered enough to God. I know I am a work in progress. I’m just so tired and overwhelmed and despite the truth I still have never ending anxiety!
I don’t want this anymore! I want to be free from this!
Still all of this will be used by God in my life. If he leaves me with my thorn or removes it, to Him the glory will go🙂
Thank you for listening and letting me vent. I have to talk about these things sometimes.