faith

Sometimes bad things happen to us and we think God is to blame. Sometimes Gods ways are bewildering to us. The longer I live the more I realise that I am perfectly capable of messy things up myself.

Tomorrow my Wife fly out of Australia for a 7 week holiday in Europe. It’s been a year in the planning and I have been very careful to ensure I am healthy before the trip. Our last two big holidays were complicated by me having a fall and fracturing three vertebrae and then the last one was after I had a triple heart bypass.

5 days I was cutting up some tree branches and the chainsaw kicked back and ripped into my hand. The hand is all stitched up and fortunately missed vital nerves. It is rather painful and uncomfortable. Was God to blame?

Nope. I was not paying attention and was a bit careless. The trip will still happen but I suspect my Wife might give my chainsaw away. Probably a good idea.

This might seem a strange post but please stay with me. I have been a Pastor for 35 years but I have never taken a salary as I have chosen to earn my own money and let the church use the money for other projects. 33 years ago I started a business and it was extremely difficult. Some fortnights my income was huge, other fortnights the nature of the business meant I could get negative income and so I would have to tell my Wife it was essential spending only and sometimes, not even that.

One night I was still awake at 3am, stressed out of my tree about the business and had resolved to go to my manager in the morning and resign. I would get a regular job with guaranteed income. Seeing I couldn’t sleep I went into my home office to pray. God spoke to me, almost audibly. He said, “Well, have you had enough trying to run things on your own?” I gave an emphatic YES. God asked, “Would you like Me to run the business?” I replied, “Yes, I have tried but can’t do it”.

So I quit running the business and installed God as the CEO. I even typed up a contract to that effect. I promised to work hard, be honest, but leave the results to God. God managed it very well. In my last 10 years of business (I sold it 12 years ago), I was consistently in the top 100 advisors in Australia.

What do you need to give up, to surrender today? God has very safe hands. He loves you with reckless love.

He has this.

What is a pack? A hierarchy of the same group of animals. One in charge above all.

What is a family? A line of the same sort. There’s always one in charge while the others follow around.

What happens when a wounded pup is found? An abandoned animal? Neglect, passing by, nature shows us a multitude of things.

Typically it’s the mothering type that bring them in, clean them off, nurture and love them.

How often is it the father?

What it becomes in theory is a ‘family’.

A pack.

Big and little.

A family by all accounts, something positive and good. Strong in faith and loyalty, ties.

What becomes of the unit when it’s fractured though?

Pieces displaced by history and time.

The family I speak of, the family I remember, it started all with a little Mexican woman with a cooler of beers in the kitchen, dancing at the stove with whoever was in her reach. Her fingers twisted at awkward angles but if you took the spatula from her, god help you.

Through this woman the love passed on in her line, even to the stray pup that was brought inside.

Somewhere along the years of memories and grief, it broke. The new speaker tried to over rule who was who; get rid of the memories of the pup all together.

With his pups along side him.

The three who mourned her passing too.

And the line? Oh, an ode to the line- he may be yours but by law and justice, in the eyes of God almighty we belong to him too.

In a world so cruel and harsh it would push out a child, deny him, starve him, neglect him- to be placed directly in the path of the alpha, hand delivered by God himself.

/Remember his word. You’re not here because of spirituality, HE called you here./

How could you be so cruel to ostracize him while the man who brought him in, ordered by God, is lying in a hospital stuck in the state he is.

’Like arrows in the hand of the warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.’

He may be yours by blood but he is our by teaching, by love, and the legacy of sacrifice.

Years before our own pack was formed, before he added the ones currently in his life-

’Little’ was the first one there.

‘Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me and whoever receives me, receives not me but he who sent me.’

I don’t deny your lineage.

I don’t deny the history that was built between you- them- him.

So don’t deny our lives.

One of the reasons we’re here today.

He gave him that piece first.

He gave him your last name.

That pup, now grown, an alpha on his own, he passed it to us.

He is just as much ours as he is yours.

I see you praying in the hallway.

I hear you praying over him.

Bile rises in my throat at the waves of hypocrisy that roll off of you.

We are here today because of God and the decisions, the choices he laid directly in the path of the son who’s mother had the crooked hands.

I mean no disrespect towards the line but whether YOU like it or not, we’re apart of it.

I want to remind you, STAR, it started with them. It started with us. I may not be given the official title but I hold it proudly in my heart.

The first grandchild.

My name given to me by my parents, my middle name inspired by him.

Maria, forever tying me to my Mexican roots.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, only God does.

His eyes may open, he could turn us away, but too many visitors we were NOT.

“The evil tongue is a flattering tongue that will speak fair to one’s face but will defame- ‘He that hateth dissembleth with his lips.’

You can say what you want but his name is on that paper, his hand signed it. That can’t be undone.

History and pain aside, the stories, you can’t change any of it.

The foundation of our family was laid on the god given words woven into their lives which in turn, attached our square to yours.

‘Big’

‘Little’

You can’t erase it.

No matter what is said, what is done, that’s what they’re known by.

Loyalty isn’t just standing at his side and praying to the God that brought us here, the one you’re willing to ignore.

Loyalty is being there through it all and standing by his side praying, the nails of their monsters having grown over their shoulders, asking for him to come back and open his eyes to say

“I love you” just one last time.

#Family #Familydrama #Faith #healingthroughwriting #lettertotheline #loyalty #Love #hegaveushisname

I had a fall at home this week. I was doing some gardening and tripped on some branches and landed on a branch. I knew straight away something was wrong as a huge lump instantly appeared below my knee.

Having experienced a few years ago, acute spontaneous compartment syndrome in my other leg I knew I had to get to the doctors to check out my injury.

The doctor did a thorough examination and said it was a pool of blood that would resolve itself but I needed to use ice, rest and use compression bandages.

Last night I was in a lot of pain as I tried to sleep so I prayed, “Jesus hold me”. The pain meds were not helping and I couldn’t sleep so I just wanted to be held. I instantly knew that Jesus was holding me. No judgement, no platitudes. Just a beautiful awareness that I was loved by God who knows me and loves me anyway.

He loves you too.

#Identity #Faith #Bible

Truths about forgiveness.

God designed our bodies to best function on grace not grudges.

Forgiveness heals you from the inside out.

Freedom never asks you to walk back into harm - ever. Boundaries are imperative and right.

Forgiveness is releasing the right to retaliate.

We don’t forgive because they deserve it.

Forgiving and forgetting is not reality.

Bitterness is drinking poison hoping the other person will die.

Sometimes all we can pray is “God I don’t want to forgive, I am angry and bitter, please help me to want to forgive”.

Forgiveness may not be a one time decision. Sometimes it’s layered and revisiting the pain will be many occasions.

Blessing the person is often the last step. It’s not about feeling but obedience.

No one is immune from pain, sorrow and hurt. Feelings will often lag behind our decision making. It’s normal. Choosing to forgive is an act of faith.

Is forgiving easy? Rarely. It’s a gesture of grace. Yet, it’s wonderfully liberating.

Self loathing is not holy. Shame has no place in Christianity. We need to forgive ourselves. We need to let go of inner criticism. Conviction addresses a specific sin. Self Condemnation says we are a failure, asks us to live in paralysis and shame.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins from us.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103‬:‭12‬ ‭GNT‬‬

youtu.be/fdsz3ou9wa4

amp.abc.net.au/article/13106662

I don’t know about you but I need constant reminding of this.

Sometimes I surprise myself at how I can be blind to obvious solutions. For too long I have endured a load of stress trying to navigate Sydney traffic trying to get to appointments on time.

Traffic can be upended so easily if there is an accident or other interruption so we use a live traffic gps program all the time to avoid getting stuck in a jam. Even then though it can be unpredictable and frustrating.

For too long I have found myself getting very stressed trying to be on time. This morning driving to Tai Chi the traffic was challenging, then the obvious dawned on me.

I could turn this problem into a procedure by simply planning to arrive ten minutes early. If I am early I have some time up my sleeve. If I am delayed then I will still be on time without stress.

So simple, so promising.

My son Isaiah was born at 23 weeks and 2 days he was born on 2/27/25. It was scary when my water broke I was telling myself my son is too small still and he can't come out yet. I was crying and praying that he will be okay he is fighting more each day to stay alive. He will be in the NICU until he is 40 weeks old. It's hard to see him everyday because I have my 2 year old son and I don't drive and I don't have anyone close to me to help take care of him for a bit so I can go see his little brother at the NICU. I wait until his dad gets home from work and we go see him at night time and make sure we let him know that we love him and that everyone is praying for him. It's hard especially all of us that are going through it having to see our baby in the NICU not able to hold them yet or to touch them because they are too small. #NICU #strong #Faith