fathers

This is the 1st time I have posted to The Mighty.

I need to forgive my father. He is 84 and though healthy, I don’t know how many years he has left. I know that forgiving him is important for my health: as this situation contributes to my struggles with autoimmune issues, fibromyalgia and treatment resistant and depression. But I don’t know if I can.

After I found out that my husband of 20 years, had an affair, my world turned upside down. I asked my dad to support me. (Not financially.) I begged him to let my husband know, that he, my dad, was disappointed in my husband. My dad would not. I told my Dad that I needed his support, so I could feel the stability, that was taken away. I wanted my dad to help me figure out what to do. I asked for his reassurance that my kids and I would be ok. I needed him to literally stand next to me.

But instead, he said he couldn’t do any of those things, bc it was crossing his boundary. Apparently, ‘entering’ into my personal life was against his principles.

Idk why I didn’t leave instead of listening to his tongue lashing that followed. He lectured me on what was ‘right’ and what was wrong’, and how my asking for his support was against his ‘principles’. When he was done scolding me, I felt like I had been run over.

My husband’s betrayal, and my dad’s willful abandonment added to the depression I was already in, was too much for me to handle; I no longer wanted to live. I checked myself into an inpatient facility.

How can I forgive my Dad for making everything(!) in my life more difficult? For deserting me and for his role in my pain?

In the past 5 years, I, have not seen or spoken with him. Though I have supported and encouraged my children to continue their relationship with their grandparents, they felt conflicted doing so. Effectively, sticking to his principles, cost my father his only daughter and 2 of his grandchildren.

Even if he believes that choosing his principles was right, he has not apologized for the hurt that it caused me.

How do I get past this hurt and anger?

All the therapy, all the years past, all the frightening events, were never enough to forget the memories you placed in my mind. They left for a few years but they came back in a furry. All the times I tried to protect my sister and myself were never enough. I didn't lose a father when you left. I lost a monster sneaking in our bedroom at night, I lost a villan in my life. I will never cease to try my damnedest to break this terrible cycle you threw my family into. It is never enough to talk about it. I have to sing, scream and freaking fight about it. I know you will never admit what you did in the dark, she will never come to terms with the damage you caused. My mother was broken when you met, broken from another man, my bio father, I was the hateful product of her previous marriage, we were prime suspects for you psychological torture. I was to blame for everything for your lack of employment, for you lack of status in the church, for you rage sessions, I was to blame when the sitter saw you chocking me against the wall holding me off the ground threatening my life again. I was to blame for the bruises and the belt marks on my body. I remember it would hurt you more than it hurt me, I new a lie before five. I remember the ocean when you held me under. I will never stop breaking that worthless cycle you tied me to, no child deserves what you put us through. I hurt at the thought that your other children have been exposed to that monster in you. I can only hope that you have been helped, but your presence in the morman church tells me different. Happy Fathers Day I hope you can heal someday.

so I been really struggling with not having my real dad around he sadly committed suicide when I was a baby (2 years) . I am now just about to turn 15 when I started high school I got Into a toxic friendship with this girl and her dad was mates with mine me and she feel out with me and she went round telling everyone but me in my class that my dad killed him self (I want aweare at this time of how he died ) this caused a lot of stress on me and my mommas relationship cause I was angry sad and confused . i was them to find out that my dad cheated on my mom and had another child ... I them realised can’t blame my mom for not telling me she was a single mom low payed job and 3 baby’s and a whole lot of heart break and gref . what I don’t get is why I feel so much pain now about him as i was to young to remember anything and it’s been 13 years .. #Fathers #gref

My father and I never had a good relationship and it was clear that he never wanted kids. we were fine with the occasional call and texting each other on holidays. But now that he's remarried, his wife tells me I need to call my father more even though he doesn't do the same and is barely there when we do talk. he's gone so far as to calm me a disappointment and he expects more from me.

Do I just cut my losses and ignore their messages or do I try to put effort in again knowing it will never be enough. #phonetime #Fathers #Stepmom #feelinunwanted