This is the 1st time I have posted to The Mighty.
I need to forgive my father. He is 84 and though healthy, I don’t know how many years he has left. I know that forgiving him is important for my health: as this situation contributes to my struggles with autoimmune issues, fibromyalgia and treatment resistant and depression. But I don’t know if I can.
After I found out that my husband of 20 years, had an affair, my world turned upside down. I asked my dad to support me. (Not financially.) I begged him to let my husband know, that he, my dad, was disappointed in my husband. My dad would not. I told my Dad that I needed his support, so I could feel the stability, that was taken away. I wanted my dad to help me figure out what to do. I asked for his reassurance that my kids and I would be ok. I needed him to literally stand next to me.
But instead, he said he couldn’t do any of those things, bc it was crossing his boundary. Apparently, ‘entering’ into my personal life was against his principles.
Idk why I didn’t leave instead of listening to his tongue lashing that followed. He lectured me on what was ‘right’ and what was wrong’, and how my asking for his support was against his ‘principles’. When he was done scolding me, I felt like I had been run over.
My husband’s betrayal, and my dad’s willful abandonment added to the depression I was already in, was too much for me to handle; I no longer wanted to live. I checked myself into an inpatient facility.
How can I forgive my Dad for making everything(!) in my life more difficult? For deserting me and for his role in my pain?
In the past 5 years, I, have not seen or spoken with him. Though I have supported and encouraged my children to continue their relationship with their grandparents, they felt conflicted doing so. Effectively, sticking to his principles, cost my father his only daughter and 2 of his grandchildren.
Even if he believes that choosing his principles was right, he has not apologized for the hurt that it caused me.
How do I get past this hurt and anger?