I was born in pain. Or so they tell me. I cried when I came home from school, I hugged my legs at night willing them to stop hurting. As I grew I was told the pain would go away. It never did.
At 24 I developed an rsi. This turned to Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.
At 37 I developed IIH Intercranial Hypertension. Risking my eyesight and setting off opcitical and trigeminal neuralgia.
Age 39 now. I can get through a few days ok. In pain but ok. But most days I'm in agony, my legs, back, arms, neck, face all hurt constantly. My eyes hurt and my vision is often bleary. I get a migraine ever day or two.
I've been waiting for over a year for injections that should help the head pain but due to covid all my appointments have been cancelled.
I'm not going to so anything about it, I like living. I like my friends, my pets, my hobbies.
But if I didnt wake up tomorrow everything would be ok. To not be in pain anymore. To not know that Every day I have to assess if I can get out of bed, if I'm safe to drive. If I have the strength to push through the agony and do anything even remotely normal.
I dont want to live like this any more. But I have to because There is no other option for me.
What plays on my mind the most, is if I was a beloved pet, a faithful dog or loved cat the vets would advise I was put down. It would be cruel to put me through this for the rest I'd my life. I'm only gonna get worse and the pain is making me miserable. I wouldn't put a dog through this suffering. Why am I expected to suffer. #SuicidalThoughts #PainAcceptance #passivelysucidial #fibromyalga #IIH #Inpainfrombirth