Firsttime

Hi everyone.
This is the first time I speak about my feelings.
I think it’s about 18 months that I’m struggling with bad thoughts.
Just before pandemic I tried to convince myself that I needed therapy but COVID outbreak stopped all my good purposes.
My best friend saved my life in that period and he was the one who made me love life again…so I owe him my being still here today.
I’m a Med student and I’m also an EMT.
During my shifts as an EMT I witnessed horrible scenes and things and most of them are the cause of my bad thoughts.
The worse was a cardiac arrest who reminded me my father’s death.
I was the only one in my team performing chest compressions on the patient, so when he was pronounced dead I felt all fault on me.
I’m still feeling responsible for his death and although I continually repeat myself that I couldn’t do anything more, there’s a part of me that blame myself for not be able to save him.
So, from that point, a year ago my bad thoughts intensified leading me to argue with my colleagues, to put me in bad situations, to start a toxic relationship and lose almost all my friends.
Now I feel very lonely and I’m taking courage to speak up and express all my feelings with someone that can help me.

Thank you everyone for sharing encouragement and advice for my first appointment with a psychiatrist. I just got off the phone call with him and I am so grateful to say that he was really kind and listened very well. He prescribed a low dose of an SNRI for me. I have previously tried taking three different SSRIs, so this will be new. I am ready to try it and hopeful that it will help. I can't really even imagine my life any differently at this point, but I know change is possible. ❤️

#Psychiatrist #Firsttime #MentalHealth #Medication #Depression #Anxiety #StillTrying

I have my first phone call with the psychiatrist tomorrow.
I've been trying to write out some notes about medication and mood history. Unfortunately, thinking back over the years has made me feel even more anxious because I'm remembering some really difficult times.
I have a lot of "what if" questions running through my mind, which I'm trying to redirect into more helpful positive affirmations. It's hard, though, just not knowing.
It feels like a big moment and I really want it to make a difference in my overall health, but I don't want to put too much pressure on this one call in case it goes badly.
Anyway, that's what's on my mind tonight.

#Psychiatrist #Firsttime #CheckInWithMe #Upallnight #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Medication

A temporary counselor through the public mental health centre has been trying to refer me to a psychiatrist for the past month and she called today to tell me that not only was she able to get an appointment for me, with the psychiatrist she requested, but it is also for five days from now! It was originally projected to be in the third week of April, so this is a very big surprise.

I'm trying really hard to hold it lightly and not let anxiety take over. I want so badly for this to make a difference, but I also feel like the psychiatrist probably won't listen or take me seriously.

So, what do I need to make sure to say or ask about? The counselor suggested that I write some notes to look at during the call, but I don't know what to include besides medication history.

What do I need to know?

#Psychiatrist #Medication #AdviceWelcome #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD

I have been on a wait list for six months for this depression/anxiety therapy group through public health and it is finally starting tomorrow on Zoom. I've been trying not to think about it too much, but the anxiety is starting to build tonight (right when I'm trying to go to bed ...).

I told my personal therapist yesterday that I would be starting this group and he said he sometimes led these groups. In his experience, they focus more on specific tools and strategies to help manage day to day coping rather than actually talking and sharing with each other.

I think I'm also at a point of feeling like a bit of a fraud because my depression and anxiety aren't that bad right now. I feel like I don't deserve to join this group because I'm not suffering enough. I understand that these concerns are not good reasons to avoid the group, but they are running through my head.

If you've ever done group therapy (esp. virtually in 2020), I'd really appreciate some advice and support.

#GroupTherapy #Therapy #Firsttime #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #AdviceWelcome #Upallnight

Since I've been having a crap ton of pain in my back/neck/shoulders lately, I went ahead and made my very first appointment with a Chiro ever. The appointment is for this afternoon. I'm assuming some of you have already been to chiropractors. Can anyone tell me. what to expect on this first visit? My anxiety is starting to spike, due to the fact that it's a new medical thing. #Firsttime #Painrelief #Chiropractor #whatwillhappen #Anxiety

I work 8-10 hours a day/5 days a week. By the time I get home, I can barely walk. Due to the stress of life and my job, I feel like I’m always having a flare. And I have a high pain tolerance so my pain medication don’t work until about the 3rd dose!! Anyone else? Any advice? #Firsttime posting #HashiNoNo !