Flaredup

Still here. Went to my friends house. It was nice to get out but I got sick in the car as per usual. Had a #PanicAttack #Anxiety #depressed my whole world is upside down. I’m probably looking at #Divorce of my 9 year marriage. Don’t think what he broke in our relationship can be fixed, he was my best friend and I really don’t know what my world or future looks like without him in it. I’ve only told a few friends & still no family. I feel like my marriage was the only good thing in my life & now that’s not right & I’m lost. I’m #Disabled dealing with #ChronicPain & the one thing I could depend on is gone. I just keep going over the same things in my head I really don’t know what I’m going to do. For now I’m here. Trying to #TakeItOneDayAtATime I’m trying to breath. Been listening to my sleep/meditation music & sitting here thinking. Can’t game, can’t really do much but lay here. #Flaredup the weather is killing me my #Fibro is raging & my life is a mess. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have my cats though. Crazy cat lady & her trusty kitty side kicks.

I’m #exhausted my #Fibromyalgia is #Flaredup . My injuries from the #Wreck as well as all the surgeries I’ve had has taken its toll on my body. My #Depression & #Anxiety have been through the roof. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything that has happened I just didn’t see any of this happening. I’m sad, alone, broken, have been crying for days. Fighting #Migraine #Headache from all the crying, but today was the first day I’ve gotten a little bit of a break I only cried a little bit. My #Marriage is in the air. Not sure what’s going to happen with my entire life. Never went to my friends because I’m too flared up, but I plan to go tomorrow. So hard to make & keep plans when you’re #chronicallyill I can’t wait to get out of this house but it’s always an ordeal I usually have a #PanicAttack , #PTSD #Flashbacks every single time I leave the house & have to get in a vehicle. I’m so scared about the future. I’ve been so depressed & honestly I have had some #SuicidalThoughts but I’ve been fighting it. I need to get a therapist, that’s going to be my first plan for the new year. I need therapy bad. Sometimes taking it one day at a time is too much like someone on this app said “maybe you should take it one moment at a time”. I think that’s what I need to do. I’m going to figure this out. I deserve love. I deserve peace. I deserve happiness. I have my cats, my babies will see me through this.