igiveup

I’m a newlywed and all I do is cry … it’s coming up about a month since my wedding day. I feel like my depression is back all I do is cry. I hate it I’m not happy at all, sad it’s over. The fairytales lied. I HATE living such an emotional life. I’m so sick of it. #Depression #igiveup #exhausted #dispointed #Agoraphobia

For the past few hours I’ve been going in circles about things in my life have fallen apart. For a while, I was ok with how things were going, but yesterday, my mind wandered into a dark alley. Yesterday, my mom’s husband gave her roses after finding out that her aunt passed away, and he hasn’t uttered a word to me in over a year. I rationalized it to the fact that all of these years are asking him to spend time with me and my brother only to get breadcrumbs and go back to square one (which is no interaction), I began to realize that 1) I do have people outside of my home who care about me. 2) I won’t beg for acknowledgment where it won’t be given. Later on, my mind wandered into the area of relationships that have failed because I was leaving myself open to the other person while they were to busy giving their time to others. All of this is beginning to be to much for me again and today I decided to to give up. I’m giving up on hope itself. I’m giving up on “perfect circumstances”. I give up on the idea of finding love and acceptance at home. Today, I GIVE UP ON IT ALL! #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #igiveup

It feels like it's taking every last ounce of energy I have to brush my teeth and take off my makeup just so I can go to bed. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling any more and I can't manage to fake it anymore. I'm trying to tell myself that after I finally get to sleep, I will wake up in the morning and everything will feel okay again, but the truth is every morning it gets harder and harder to get out of bed. #Depression #Anxiety #igiveup #MentalHealth

#Depression #Anxiety #Divorce #igiveup

#COVID19

Ugh, sometimes I think the stereotypes aren't out there as much anymore but then I have a day like today, where I feel judged and discriminated against just for trying to advocate for myself.

I have to plan my life around when my body cooperates and as such, today ended up being the first day in over a week that my pain wasn't an 8 or higher, so I finally figured I could maybe handle grocery shopping which I tend to put off a lot because it is SO HARD!

I did everything right to 'prepare' myself--rested for the morning, took my pain meds, used my cane and wore my earplugs. I also usually go to the same store because Im used to it.

Today that turned out to be a horrible mistake and the whole experience kinda crushed me. First of all, the store was WAY busier than normal, I had to park further away and walk further. Aisles were crowded and noises and my symptoms did a big jump right when I first arrived--if I was smart I wouldve taken this as a clue and just left but I tried to stay an tough it out.

My brain and my body shut down though and I was barely still standing when it came time to check out. This is where everything fell apart. I went to choose a line and they told me I would have to go to the back of a long singular line and wait to be directed. I felt like passing out and was already close to a breakdown so I asked if I could just wait near the tils until my turn-I was promptly told absolutely not because everyone had to wait. I made it to the end of the line but had to sit on the floor because I couldnt stand any longer. I was just so done and overwhelmed and hurt by the fact that I was treated as an inconvenience and no effort was made to accommodate me--because I "look too young" to need a cane.

When will people learn that looks do not determine pain or illness and age does not define how someone feels.

I might be overreacting but I feel more should be done to assist someone who is so clearly struggling.

#ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #groceryshopping #Cane #Fibro #Migraine #dizzy #Discrimination #everyonedeservesdignity #igiveup