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Finding Joy

Have you ever just searched the internet and looked for something that can make you smile? I am finding it more difficult these days with all the painful actions taking place.

Like many of you, I am sad about the war in Ukraine. I am also sad about the natural disasters that have occured in the USA and the risk for more things occurring in the Central part of the country with it being tornado season. Life is scary!

I am looking for #Happiness and looking for #Comedy . Sometimes we have to seek things on purpose in order for us to experience #Joy .

Lately, I have had a flair up of my bipolar symptoms, and I have not been able to concentrate. However, positive distractions have #helped me to #feelbetter . #BipolarDisorder really sucks sometimes. But the coupling of BP with other issues like #Anxiety are even more struggling. But, I am going to do whatever I can to keep a smile and find #RoomForJoy .

I hope you enjoy the cat genie meme!



What to do/ say?

I am trying to identify the triggers to my anxiety.. i feel maybe it will help me manage it.. while having a conversation with my husband.. i share with him what i feel is a trigger.. he responds with.. now you know, maybe you can just stop it now.. i told him.. I can’t just “stop” it... but he insists i never listen..

What to do?
What else to say?



The reality of #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

My psychiatrist told me that I am not an anxious person. I am a person who experiences anxiety. He told me that my brain is not broken, my brain is just trying to protect me from harm. From that lens it’s increasingly easier to be gentle with myself on my path of healing. #Anxiety #Healing #Livingwithanxiety

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I hope no one ever has to be alone when they’re experiencing hard feelings. But I know some are. And those are the people I think about all the time.

#living withSleepApnea

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Taking the first steps to get help #Livingwithanxiety #Depression

So I'm 46 and for a long time, have known that I have anxiety. Some of the tools I use include weekly talk therapy, running outside to enjoy nature, reading mysteries, starting my day with my devotionals and prayer, journaling, and leaning on friends and family when it has gotten really bad. Two weeks ago, a new friend got real with me because she recognized herself in my behaviors. She gently confronted me with, "Girl, you're living in fear. And you don't have to feel this way all the time. Talk to your doctor and see if you need pharmacological help. You will feel so much better when this weight is lifted off of you." A lot more was said that turned a few lights on in my head. I spoke to my primary care doctor and she prescribed an anti anxiety medication. And I'm meeting with a psychiatrist that my counselor works with to figure out if I'm juggling anxiety, depression, ADHD and/or anything else, and how to tackle whatever I'm dealing with. I'm a pretty open person but as I've answered the two doctors questions, I've realized how much "stuff" I've shouldered in order to manage through my days. Probably it didn't happen overnight. But man, opening up about how I really feel has been some parts relief and many parts shocking and embarrassing. But you know what, I'm not going to buy into the shame. I used to feel much more light and carefree, like the sun was shining out of my chest. Over time I feel like I've dimmed. My hope is to rediscover the person I am when I feel my load lighten with whatever help I'm able to get in addition to my existing "toolbox." I'm sharing because I'm equal parts hopeful and scared. Sending virtual hugs to everyone on this journey.

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Fanless day

I am a big fan of things that helpe feel better, like meditation and hiking. Except today, I didn't do either. When we got to the end of the day, I still had a bunch of worries and things on my mind.

We had three different reports from family members about CoVId-19 illness. I tried not to panic and was successful until the night got quiet. Then, my mind raced.

My husband talked to me and calm me. But today was not all bad news. I got my daughter enrolled for online public school for fall. My husband survived another round of layoffs. And, we all are home and healthy at this point in the pandemic. Those are all very good things.

Still, I'm not a big of seeing the pandemic creep closer to home. One might say that some of today's news was "fanless." (Hardy-har-har)
#Anxiety #COVID19 #Livingwithanxiety

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Keeping safe and sane

Today has been rough. This is my kid's contribution to trying toake this better for all of us. It was sweet and tasty. (It is cake and icing after all.)
I can't take seeing all the posts and stories about people sick, unconscious, or dead that came up on news stories and Facebook posts for me today. I generally am avoiding a social media (except here) and headlines. I am a scientist. So, I've kept up with research coming out and chatted with some colleagues, but since I am on leave, I've just focused on keeping my family safe and supplied as best I can.
I wouldn't post this anywhere else, but I know that several of you understand anxiety and fear. These are my worst nightmares playing out in the world around us. I am terrified and living in a walking nightmare right now. There is hope coming, but I can only clean and pray that my family and yours are among those here to see it come. One of vaccines is hoping to be ready for healthcare workers come fall, and over the winter/spring for the rest of us. For those of us in vulnerable populations, that feels like a long time. But, treatments are working for some and vaccines research is pushing as fast as is safely possible. Scientists are talking to one another and that makes the science safer and faster for everyone. I am hopeful and afraid at the same time.
My husband and I are vulnerable to this. And, I am terrified that our little girl will see the worst happen either right in front of her eyes or so far away that she can't say goodbye. It tortured me. I just had to get this out. I'm sorry if I bring anyone down. That is the last thing I want. I just needed to speak this and be heard. Dear God, please, let each of our prayers be heard tonight and for years to come.
#anxiety #COVID19 #Livingwithanxiety

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When bad news hit today, this is what helped...

Meditating became important today when someone close to us told me they think they became exposed at work. Then, told me to keep my daughter safe. This is the last person whom I would have ever thought might say something like this. I panicked and spoke with my husband for a little while about the studies we have read on what treatments are starting to have positive effect. Then, I opened my Yoga International app and I listened to a 20-minute meditation designed to calm the mind and ease the body into a state of peace and calm. The guided meditation made a huge difference. #Anxiety #Livingwithanxiety #COVID19

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What I needed to hear today

We are going to be okay. It is going to be okay. Stay home and stay safe. We will get through this. One moment at a time. This too shall pass. #Anxiety #Livingwithanxiety #Depression #Livingwithdepression


Guided meditations helping me hold myself together

My father suggested guided meditation many years ago when I had my first symptoms of sleeplessness. He suggested a particular woman who had recorded some wonder meditations for veterans. At the time, he had them on cassette and I found them on CD. I have since found them on Google Music as well. Recently, I began using Yoga International's website and app to help me maintain my anxiety in a healthy, socially distanced way. I am so grateful for the long list of guided meditations I have found on Google Music and Yoga International's lists. These have been able to ground me even in these intensely anxiety-inducing days. #Livingwithanxiety