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Sadness and gratitude
That woman looks so different from the one 4 years ago. There is a light in her eyes that wasn't there before. She's gained 40 pounds with the help of MANY care team members and a boatload of support. She got off medications and although the diagnosis was treacherous, she persisted until she was well enough to not talk to a dietician. She lifted, walked, loved and got outside in the sun nearly every day. She dreamed. She cried, laughed, loved and failed a lot. She is not done. She is still being made.
That woman is me. I look at my photos and some days I cannot believe who I see looking back at me. I weep with gratitude for pushing myself so much and weep for the losses that it took for me to find her.
I lost normalcy when I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and gained new insights and acceptance with mental health issues.
I lost my lifelong dream of being a mother with melanoma and a overtly small cervix but gained an entire family of friends by starting an in home daycare.
Somewhere I lost the ability to digest foods and gained an appreciation for yoga, gardening and knowledge of natural foods to heal the body.
I lost foods when I was diagnosed with MCAS and food allergens and I gained a purpose in life, a drive to mentor and educate and I've gained 40 pounds in 4 years. My BMI was 12.9, I fought hard to recover and now I fight hard to educate others on the importance of nutrition.
... I lost a husband and gained freedom, personal commitment and deep love if self...
For every loss, there is a win. I may not always SEE the wins, may get stuck in the brain foggy histamine storms yet always there comes the win. Some come at a cost that still brings me to my knees with soul wrenching cries heretofore I know happened for reasons that may not have unfolded to me.
To all those suffering from loss and with unbearable chronic conditions, in my moments of clarity, let me remind you life brings sadness and gratitude.
#ChronicIllness #Malnutrition #MentalHealth #Bipolar2Disorder
