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    I am Proud of Myself

    I am proud of myself. I made it through in my opinion the coldest, darkest and longest month of the year. January! It was a rough holiday season as usual for me. I counted the days in dread not like an eager youngster for Christmas to come and GO! It did but my expectations for a new start, a fresh January never came.

    The depression never left as January progressed. I had to adjust meds and sleeping habits. But I just couldn't find a purpose to stay out of bed or some days even get out of bed.

    Then on January 30th my wife and I acknowledged with pride our first date anniversary. Eighteen years ago, in 2005.

    Now she looks me in the eyes everyday and says, “I love you” and “You’re going to be fine” You're not going to kill yourself or die tonight"

    My purpose to me often seems unclear. But a major part of why I am here on this earth is to share many happy moments with my wife and goldendoodle. I don’t need a career to define me as a person.

    I am proud of myself for standing up to my illness today. I took a shower, made a nice lunch for myself, walked the dog, journaled, surfed the web and did all the laundry.

    I am proud of myself for fighting the negative thoughts that are trying to pull me to the rumination hell of my bed.

    So with January gone and the picture attached to this article posted in my work space area I am ready to say “I am proud of myself” every day.

    Okay today was a great start.

    Share any proud moments or just give it a like.

    Thanks for reading.

    Be Well! #MentalHealth #Depression #selfcare #Men

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    Why So Lonely?

    I’m writing this after reading several articles on how to combat loneliness.

    Often the first one is to reach out to close friends.

    There are several reasons this is not working for me. First, I don’t have any close friends I lost them or push them away due to my mental illness. Second, in the past year many of my immediate family have been put on the do not contact toxic list. So reaching for the phone is not helpful.

    How can you be lonely if you’re married? My wife works and goes into the office several times per week. I am home and have been for almost 4 years with a complex mental disabilities. Most of it, in the past three years anyway there’s been a balance of her working from home and going into the office.

    In order for her to be productive and mentally fit we agreed I won’t bother or distract her while she is quote “working”. Her location of being home or in the office does not play a factor in the agreement to let her do her job.

    Another popular suggestion is to join social media or in person clubs or meetings. Due to my severe social anxiety I feel I would never be able to speak up with enough confidence to participate in clubs. (Getting hooked on social media as a distraction also not an option)

    For example, “a Mets fan club” I still would not enjoy myself as I would think I’d likely not make friends anyway and feel inferior. No reason to join a club and become a wallflower. Knowing myself a all the buildup and anxiety before and after meetings would not be worth it.

    The challenge is therefore left to me to fill my day with activities and constant distractions to fight the negative self-talk that pulls me to darkness. It tells me why bother, you have no purpose there’s no reason to get out of bed.#MentalHealth #Men #Depression

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    Lonely Start

    I’m writing this after reading several articles on how to combat loneliness.

    Often the first one is to reach out to close friends.

    There are several reasons this is not working for me. First, I don’t have any close friends I lost them or push them away due to my mental illness. Second, in the past year many of my immediate family have been put on the do not contact toxic list. So reaching for the phone is not helpful.

    How can you be lonely if you’re married? My wife works and goes into the office several times per week. I am home and have been for almost 4 years with a complex mental disabilities. Most of it, in the past three years anyway there’s been a balance of her working from home and going into the office.

    In order for her to be productive and mentally fit we agreed I won’t bother or distract her while she is quote “working”. Her location of being home or in the office does not play a factor in the agreement to let her do her job.

    Another popular suggestion is to join social media or in person clubs or meetings. Due to my severe social anxiety I feel I would never be able to speak up with enough confidence to participate in clubs. (Getting hooked on social media as a distraction also not an option)

    For example, “a Mets fan club” I still would not enjoy myself as I would think I’d likely not make friends anyway and feel inferior. No reason to join a club and become a wallflower. Knowing myself a all the buildup and anxiety before and after meetings would not be worth it.

    The challenge is therefore left to me to fill my day with activities and constant distractions to fight the negative self-talk that pulls me to darkness. It tells me why bother, you have no purpose there’s no reason to get out of bed.

    Anyone else has similar stories suggestions to share please feel free to comment below. Be Well!

    #MentalHealth #Men #Depresssion

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    Toxic Mom

    Adapted from:

    The Mental Health Impact of Cutting a Toxic Parent Out of Your Life

    Monika Sudakov _______________________________________

    My Toxic Mother

    Going no-contact with someone is a really difficult and painful decision. Going no contact with a parent comes with even more grief and challenges.

    Society has a built in stigma against children who cut parents out of their lives.

    A toxic relationship is defined as one that is in any way hurtful or that negatively impacts your life. Often the toxic individual doesn’t realize they are toxic, and they may in fact suffer from mental illness.

    If they still are unwilling or unable to change their own behavior, the only choice one has is to remove that person from their life.

    Codependency and favoritism have made it very difficult to make that cut. I was a momma’s boy and often referred to as “the prince.” We are getting a hot meal the prince is here.” Plus, all my outbursts and hospitalizations caused my brothers to distant themselves instead of ask questions to understand my illness. Still 30 years later, it is still hard to built a solid relationship with them.

    In my case after repeated attempts at establishing boundaries have failed because even after being informed of the ways in which she may trigger me, she still does. She hits me with zingers.

    Zingers: Remarks, comments, and discussion topics that I have told her numerous times to avoid. eg Covid, politics, NEWS, her health drama

    In my own struggle to keep my distance from my toxic mother, I have been met with much angst. Mostly from my brothers. It has been hard enough to try to grieve the lack of a healthy mother-son relationship, but it has been even harder to be met with not just hesitation, but downright anger, unacceptance, and not understanding by my family This is my choice to protect my emotional health and well-being.

    What I want you to know is that nobody has the right to dictate what is right for your mental health. You know how you feel. You know the truth. Nobody else can feel that for you.

    Nobody. I repeat, nobody has the right to tell you why someone shouldn’t be toxic to you. Only you can determine what is right for you, mentally, emotionally and physically.#MentalHealth #Men #selfcare

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    My Toxic Mother

    Adapted from:

    The Mental Health Impact of Cutting a Toxic Parent Out of Your Life

    Monika Sudakov _______________________________________

    My Toxic Mother

    Going no-contact with someone is a really difficult and painful decision. Going no contact with a parent comes with even more grief and challenges.

    Society has a built in stigma against children who cut parents out of their lives.

    A toxic relationship is defined as one that is in any way hurtful or that negatively impacts your life. Often the toxic individual doesn’t realize they are toxic, and they may in fact suffer from mental illness.

    If they still are unwilling or unable to change their own behavior, the only choice one has is to remove that person from their life.

    Codependency and favoritism have made it very difficult to make that cut. I was a momma’s boy and often referred to as “the prince.” We are getting a hot meal the prince is here.” Plus, all my outbursts and hospitalizations caused my brothers to distant themselves instead of ask questions to understand my illness. Still 30 years later, it is still hard to built a solid relationship with them.

    In my case after repeated attempts at establishing boundaries have failed because even after being informed of the ways in which she may trigger me, she still does. She hits me with zingers.

    Zingers: Remarks, comments, and discussion topics that I have told her numerous times to avoid. eg Covid, politics, NEWS, her health drama

    In my own struggle to keep my distance from my toxic mother, I have been met with much angst. Mostly from my brothers. It has been hard enough to try to grieve the lack of a healthy mother-son relationship, but it has been even harder to be met with not just hesitation, but downright anger, unacceptance, and not understanding by my family This is my choice to protect my emotional health and well-being.

    What I want you to know is that nobody has the right to dictate what is right for your mental health. You know how you feel. You know the truth. Nobody else can feel that for you.

    Nobody. I repeat, nobody has the right to tell you why someone shouldn’t be toxic to you. Only you can determine what is right for you, mentally, emotionally and physically.

    #MentalHealth #Men #boundaries #selfcare

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    Men in the closet

    Are we still in the centuries where we believe that men are strong, that they don't cry. Have we accepted that also men can be victims of abuse such that they need help. Have the ancient rules changed or we have to change them. Most men are living inside the closet because they are scared to be laughed at or being looked down upon once they voice out.

    Let's discuss what's you view about men in the closet.
    #Men
    #mental health
    #victimization
    #ancientrules

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    Lost Life

    Hello All, In late September, I had a horrible medication reaction. I was prescribed an antidepressant that when used in low doses was to offer a much needed sleep side effect.

    The side effect never came. Antidepressants and me don't work, I am Bipolar and it always ends in some sort of Manic episode. (like this one)

    My disconnection to reality grew each day. One of the scariest feelings for me was not feeling safe in my own bed. After a dozen sleepless nights, I had no other choice but to go to the hospital for a medication adjustment.

    After about a week I was on a new set of meds and was discharged. The first few days home were shaky. Going from Disconnection to a locked psych ward, finally back to reality took time.

    I am doing better each day. Using grounding, meditation and my mental health toolbox. Hoping the meds will balance out in the upcoming week.

    So if you ever felt lost, disconnected or have assisted someone with the situation comment below or just click the like. Be Well...#Depression #MentalHealth #Men #Medication

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    Lost Myself

    Hello All, I am sorry I have not being active. In late September, I had a horrible medication reaction. I was prescribed an antidepressant that when used in low doses was to offer a much needed sleep side effect.

    The side effect never came. Antidepressants and me don't work, I am Bipolar and it always ends in some sort of Manic episode. (like this one)

    My disconnection to reality grew each day. One of the scariest feelings for me was not feeling safe in my own bed. After a dozen sleepless nights, I had no other choice but to go to the hospital for a medication adjustment.

    After about a week I was on a new set of meds and was discharged. The first few days home were shaky. Going from Disconnection to a locked psych ward, finally back to reality took time.

    I am doing better each day. Using grounding, meditation and my mental health toolbox. Hoping the meds will balance out in the upcoming week.

    So if you ever felt lost, disconnected or have assisted someone with the situation comment below or just click the like. Be Well....

    #Men #MentalHealth #selfcare

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    Welcome All and Welcome Fall (soon)

    Hello, Welcome any new members. It has been a while since I last posted. Early September is a rough time for me having been a former teacher for 15 years, Since spring of 2019 I have been on SS disability This happened after my final mental breakdown and forced resignation from the Public School District I was working for.

    Seeing school buses, children playing are huge triggers for me each September. But through therapy each year has been better, especially with my Goldendoodle Randy.

    Feel Free to share any triggers for you and I will respond with support if I can. Be well, take care of yourself because you are loved and awesome! #MentalHealth #Men #selfcare

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    Okay It's a Pajama Day

    It is okay to have a pajama day. Some days just getting out of bed is a accomplishment in it self. Showering and changing to daytime clothes just seem too much work. So you go through the day in your Pajamas. Share your pajama day/morning story....#Men #Selfcare #Lazy

    2 comments