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Reporting Childhood Ritualistic Abuse #CPTSD #Survivor #Anxiety #MentalHealthHero #MightySurvivors #PanicAttacks #coping #NoExcuseForAbuse

So over the last year I've got back 100's of new memories from 0-8years, of horrific ritualistic abuse I suffered at the hands of a ring of very rich/powerful people.

When I got memories back that involved other children and murders, I went to the police.
They were not willing to give me any protection, so I moved county and changed my name to protect myself (there is a lot more to that story) I won't go into it apart from to say I lost a Lot of faith in the lead investigating officer and it involved months of waiting to be interviewed!

Now in a new place I spoke to the officer I will be interviewed by for the first time today, I meet her for a pre-interview Monday and will go in for the first day of recording my statement a few days after.. (a process that took months under another police force)
It will likely take 2-3 maybe more separate interviews, each lasting 4-5hours.

I waited months and that felt like hell, now it all seems super quick.
I'm worried though I've done all I can to build a new support network in a new city in lockdown, that maybe I haven't done enough?
I'm very aware of the fact my life long friends and few bits of family are 100's if miles away.
That means that No one who is familiar with my mental health or knows what I need at my worst times is going to be in human reach... This worries me.

I live in a hostel so I can't even have anyone in my room, which means I can't invite and old friend to stay.
Whooaa it's just all alot right now!
I keep worrying, down to even the stupid things like I've got nothing smart to wear and this footage will be what the dury sees as my evidence.
I don't want to look shappy. But I only have like 6 bits of clothes here.

I know I shouldn't be the one being judged, I'm not the one on trial.
But humans prejudge without even meaning to.
I know when it comes to court his lawyers will run me over the coals, a rip into me about prior mental episodes.

My only friends down here just went out for a drive with another one of their mates, I was clearly not invited.
Even though both people have said they will be there for me through this.
I feel soo isolated today I could cry, yet I can't seem to form tears..

I can't think of anything I could focus on that would ease my pain in this moment, I just hang on to the truth that this like any other is just a moment in time and thus will pass..
I repeat the mantra 'fear is just a thought and any thought can be changed'
Deep breaths, as I take on the biggest challenge of my lifetime!

I Can and Will speak the horrific truths of my childhood, in hope to safe guard other children in the future!!
Justice is the aim!
I have very little faith in the system but I won't let my lack of belief in the transparency of the criminal justice system deter me from coming forward and saying my piece.

I survived the Most horrific torture, sexual abuse, being a witness to murders.
#speakout #Stronger #warrior



Hello my friends I am one of those few men who has fallen victim to sexual asssault. I have kept it hidden for 12 years and just recently decided that it was time to start sharing my story. I have done just that. I hope to keep going. To keep spreading it. I started sharing the story before this political deal started to come about. I have to say, it made all the difference, but it has also been very isolating. So many people around me do not want to believe the things that I have to say. Some think that I am just pulling their leg, but there is much to my story, and I have remained quiet for so long. Now, I too, am joining you on this journey. Adding my voice with others. These past few weeks have brought sadness and frustration back to the surface all over again. It has been a terrible rollercoaster ride for me, and it is one that I want to get off. This is the first time that I have decided to speak publicly, about what happened. It is hard, and heartbreaking to hear the story of another victim and see the way people treat others. I hope that we can #Love one another, again.


#MightySurvivors are...

#MightySurvivors are our friends, family members, co workers, neighbors, the person driving too slowly in front of us or the person waiting in the crosswalk that we hesitate to slow down for when in a hurry. They are familiar faces and they are strangers. We unite because not one of us are alone. We unite in support of hearing each and every individual voice and story. We unite because we refuse to be silenced. “I believe we’ve been made to be here for each other and/We’ll never fall if we walk hand in hand.” -“Love Wins”- Carrie Underwood


#MightySurvivors I stand WITH survivors.

I honestly couldn't even watch most of the "news" coverage going on lately with the #MeToo Movement and all the politics.

I was lucky to never one of the statistics that 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by the age of 18, at one time that was 1 in 3, I'm not sure which is accurate.
BUT I was a house mother to teenage girls that were! Many took years to come forward and say something. Because they are scared and this was 2003-2009, so I can't imagine being a young woman who has been abused seeing the hate spread across the board for someone that represents to them...
Who they could be...
or what could happen to them if they came forward too.
Just because someone claims to be "a Man of God" does not exclude them from the allegations. Many have been raped under the same premises and it's appalling to me as a WOMAN OF FAITH!
If you need to scream...I'll scream with you!
If you need to cry... I'll cry too!
If you need someone to just say, "You are loved, You are wanted. You did nothing wrong." Over and over until you finally believe it too...I'll keep reminding you. # #CheckInWithMe


A message for sexual assault survivors #MightySurvivors

If you are a sexual assault survivor, there’s a good chance you are hurting today. You’ve probably been hurting for a long time, and today, today feels bad.

As a sexual assault survivor myself, I know how difficult this news cycle has been. I wish I had words that could take away the pain -- past, present and future -- that you have endured. Whoever you are, wherever you are, if you are hurting because someone once took away your agency, know that we stand with you as do millions of other survivors in the U.S. and around the globe.

If there is any good we can take from these past few weeks and the #MeToo movement, it is that it has united our voices and given many of us the strength to reclaim our narratives. This week marked the first time I opened up to friends and family about my assault six years ago. If this news cycle has made you want to come forward, you can post, like I have, using #MightySurvivors .

If this news has been hard for you, know that you are not alone and that support is out there. Reach out to your safe person. Be kind to yourself, and employ whatever self-care tactics you need. Healing is complicated, and reacting to news about sexual assault doesn’t mean you’ve taken a step backward. Whatever you feel right now is OK.

If you need support right now, here are some resources you can turn to:
Reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline by calling 1-800-656-4673.
Text the Crisis Text Line by texting 741741.

We stand with you regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation or age, today and every day. We are #MightyTogether .