Cannot relax, cannot stay still,
Swallowing another fucking pill.
Waiting for change, getting lost in time,
Realizing there’s no finish line.
Release my mind, let me be,
Why won’t you just set me free?
Follow me until the end,
But you are not my friend.
The finish line you think you see,
Is invisible to me.......
Thoughts destroy my mind
Just as pain destroys my body.
I want the thoughts to stop
But without them
other things occupy my mind.
Things that are worse.
Things that I never want to see again.
And The pain in my body
Stretches from the top of my head
Right down to my toes.
It twists and squeezes and stabs
Bones and muscle and skin.
I want it all to stop.
Just to have peace for a second.
I can't remember what it's like to be peaceful.
#mysymptons #MightyPoets #Fibromyalgia #MySymptoms #Anxiety #Depression #MentalIllness
I often dream of engaging in my eating disorder behaviours and when my body was at a very low weight. I remember what it feels like in my dreams. I wake up missing the feeling, I wake up and the dreams haunt me, and become a trigger that replays throughout the day. Can anyone else relate? #EatingDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #anorexiarecovery #MightyTogether #mysymptons #CheckInWithMe
even though each milestone
felt like mountains
and the pessimist in me wouldn’t look up from the bottom
i have breathed the fresh air
felt the sweet sunshine
touched every cloud
the pinnacle isn’t at the peak
it’s looking back and seeing how far you’ve come
knowing you can climb even higher
#MightyPoets #mysymptons #Depression #Recovery
3:51 AM
Sleep you’re such a tease
Bed offers comforting warmth
to a body cold and sore
I no longer dream at night
Instead conveyed through hallucination
as my mind depersonalizes
until I no longer recognize its rhythm
The rhythm that should be familiar
The sweet disorder I remember
but everything lies awake and still
SCREAMING A CLOSED MOUTHED
SCREAM DEAFENING ON REPEAT
Hums gently during the day
shivering the skin so I don’t forget
what it’s claimed
Leaving me with nothing
Except the ticking
when I should be sleeping
Awake
Again tonight
Staring at the ceiling
Starring at my phone
Scrolling through photos I’ve already seen
All in hopes of falling asleep
Same tricks every night
Counting sheep
Closing my eyes
It never works
The thoughts move fast
My familiar Black hole
Latches on and twists me in
At the bottom I find what ifs
The should haves
Mistakes made
Mistakes I might make
I stare at him
The man that sleeps so well
I envy his calm breathing
In
Out
While My heart pounds
Beats faster than a drum
I count the hours
7 hours of sleep if I can just sleep now
6 hours
5 hours
4
My tired eyes shut
Finally peace
Just for a moment
Morning comes
Alarms ring
And ring
Snooze
5 more minutes
Too tired to move
Late to work
No one would understand the truth
How long can I hide behind “I’m just tired”
I am by no means a poet. I wrote this at 3 am one night and I think the honesty of it could not be messed with to follow poetry layouts. It’s raw and it’s #mysymptons
I'm broken
I'm shattered
the pain crushes me
inside I
am screaming
I long to be free
I'm strong
I'm a fighter
I'm all I can be
there's more
to my life than
the smile that you see
x-Tien
Sure, today was tough
Being beaten, battered,
Bested from inside my own head.
Becoming lost in between thoughts
Stuck in static
Not knowing a way to get out.
Seeming to be frozen in negativity.
Trapped in a downward spiral.
Spiral
Spiraling out of my own control.
My own ideas, pushing against me.
Bouncing off of each corner of my brain
Whirling around, clanging back and forth
And back and forth and-
And that’s all for now folks
Stay tuned for another anxious episode
But that’s enough for today
Please tell me that’s enough for today.
I’m so tired of beating myself up
A pinnacle of pointlessness
A piece of panic and pain
Drilling myself to stop
stop..
Stop…
Stop…
Beginning to drift into a stressful slumber
Too fearful to let my mind wander
Too fretful to ever have another dream
Too scared to ever set another goal
But i know i will
I know i canSet those goals
Dream those dreams
And wander and wonder all
But maybe,just maybe,
not today.
#mysymptons
Impotence
Mr Ed the horse, Was never helpless
Frustrated and Dysphoric
Looking on with no power
Hepless and again distant
People hurting, empathy
Feeling selfish and soppy
Don't be soft lad. You would say
Haiku
Ed the horse,
Frustrated,Dysphoric, soft lad cares, empathetic fool
“Fighting frequent storms
Of pain and looking
For my future.
Looking past the stains
Tears leave behind.
I have cried an ocean of tears
That tells my story.
Yet I live and bask
In all of God’s glory.
No longer suffering In silence.
I write to find my way back to me.”
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