Outbursts

I'm just not a good person. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #anger #Outbursts #snap

There is this guy I'm in love with, and he loves me back. He broke up with his girlfriend recently but he didn't tell her that I'm in the picture. I am considering him as my boyfriend to prevent detachment as usually this is my pattern. I know he considers me as his girlfriend but his behavior doesn’t underpin this.

Now here is the thing. He still lives in the same household with his ex and waiting for her to move out. This would probably happen only in October. This bothers me a lot.

Now it came out that he and his ex had a reservation for a vacation and his ex-girlfriend didn't make the cancellation. Today they went on the vacation together so they wouldn't lose the money. This really hit me, and also the fact that they went to a place that I really wanted to visit.

Now I'm doing my best to control/regulate myself and not to have an outburst/episode, as recently I'm having one every other day, and I can get very angry over everything. Sometimes I ask myself if the level of anger seems to be more intense than it is warranted by the situation or event that triggered it.

Also I didn’t make plans for this weekend as I was hoping we would spend some time together but that’s not gonna happen as he is on a vacation with his ex...

It also upsets me that he didn’t say this to me in advance, but only when they arrived to the place .

I’m so tired of this.

I needed to mute his messages on my phone to avoid further triggers and to prevent myself telling him to f*ck off or lashing out.

Please don't judge me because of the situation. I just need to vent as my next therapy session is on Tuesday. I'm lonely and there is noone around, and I need to spend the three day long weekend alone.

I just can't believe he has done this to me, I'm hurting so much.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selfregulation #hypersensitivity #Outbursts #Loneliness #Anxiety

My poor husband. He is getting abused by my doing. I’ve had the worst two weeks. I feel a mess. My anxiety is high and my moods have been like a yo yo. Up and down constantly these past two weeks. I feel sick at how I have acted toward my husband. I’ve screamed at him countless times. I apologize but the outburst have been over the top. Help!