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I’m hurting so much #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

There is this guy I'm in love with, and he loves me back. He broke up with his girlfriend recently but he didn't tell her that I'm in the picture. I am considering him as my boyfriend to prevent detachment as usually this is my pattern. I know he considers me as his girlfriend but his behavior doesn’t underpin this.

Now here is the thing. He still lives in the same household with his ex and waiting for her to move out. This would probably happen only in October. This bothers me a lot.

Now it came out that he and his ex had a reservation for a vacation and his ex-girlfriend didn't make the cancellation. Today they went on the vacation together so they wouldn't lose the money. This really hit me, and also the fact that they went to a place that I really wanted to visit.

Now I'm doing my best to control/regulate myself and not to have an outburst/episode, as recently I'm having one every other day, and I can get very angry over everything. Sometimes I ask myself if the level of anger seems to be more intense than it is warranted by the situation or event that triggered it.

Also I didn’t make plans for this weekend as I was hoping we would spend some time together but that’s not gonna happen as he is on a vacation with his ex...

It also upsets me that he didn’t say this to me in advance, but only when they arrived to the place .

I’m so tired of this.

I needed to mute his messages on my phone to avoid further triggers and to prevent myself telling him to f*ck off or lashing out.

Please don't judge me because of the situation. I just need to vent as my next therapy session is on Tuesday. I'm lonely and there is noone around, and I need to spend the three day long weekend alone.

I just can't believe he has done this to me, I'm hurting so much.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selfregulation #hypersensitivity #Outbursts #Loneliness #Anxiety


Anyone relate Vocal outbursts? #Autism #AspergersSyndrome #MentalHealth

Anyone relate My Vocal Outbursts - I could be sitting in the living room with family and just have to shout for an example “ Roar”. If I don’t just hurt inside physical and mentally. #Outbursts
Other one is just laugh out of no where, like again if don’t it make uncomfortable till I do it. Just laugh in the middle of drinking a cup of water and it spills everywhere on the table and in my brothers eye.
Anyone relate - #MentalHealth #AspergersSyndrome #Autism

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I’m a terrible wife #angryanxiety #abusivebehavior #BipolarDisorder #Outbursts #Anxiety - #Marriage

My poor husband. He is getting abused by my doing. I’ve had the worst two weeks. I feel a mess. My anxiety is high and my moods have been like a yo yo. Up and down constantly these past two weeks. I feel sick at how I have acted toward my husband. I’ve screamed at him countless times. I apologize but the outburst have been over the top. Help!

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I did a thing without my anxiety controlling me #CheerMeOn

While in Jamaica for vacation with my husband, he wanted to do some excursions. Excursions make me nervous because of leaving the “safety” of the controlled environment of the resort. I’ve seen tourists get in car accidents and such, and when in Mexico, even saw a dead body in the middle of the street while on the way to swim with dolphins. Still haven’t been able to shake that image and it’s been 2 years.

Anyway, we talked about going to Dunn’s River Falls, which is a huge attraction for the island. This is a 900 ft waterfall, and you start from the bottom and climb your way up the falls, water rushing down to you, massive dips all throughout, and slippery rocks to scale!

It took us and our tour group an hr to do it. It was wet and crazy and a little insane, but we finished.

That night, my husband was telling me how proud he was of me for doing it, and he noticed I didn’t have any anxiety during. He noticed I stayed calm, stayed present, and just took the experience head on. It was nice to hear that he noticed that, especially considering how the weeks before the trips had been a lot of panic attacks, meltdowns, and rage outbursts. I was a huge victory for me all things considered. #Anxiety #Depression #Outbursts #SocialAnxiety


Genuinely would like to know...

I ran yesterday and today I have been a M.E.S.S. Crying, arguing, feeling lost, feeling spiteful, feeling exceptionally ‘in my own world’, nearly randomly outbursted at a person in the street and a few in a bookshop. Anyone got any experience/theories about BPD and exercise? I find HIIT doesn’t mess me up this way. Think the psycho sexual scale is relevant if anyone is familiar. #BPD #Exercise #BadDay #fragile #Outbursts #Psychiatry #psychology #Physiology