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Learning who I am

A few months ago I came out to my family as #nonbinary , meaning I used they/them pronouns instead of she/her. Essentially I was somewhere between a girl and a boy. But more recently I've learned that I am in fact not nonbinary, but a Demi-boy. This means that I use both They/Them pronouns along with He/Him pronouns. I also now use the alias Skyler, or Sky for short. After learning this about myself I spent about a week in a state of total panic to tell my family. I have always had a very accepting family...on my mom's side. The problem is my mom's boyfriend's side of the family. They're the kind of #homophobic people that don't realize they're homophobic. It's a (harmful) subconscious bias of cisgender people. I came out to my maternal family a couple of days ago and have gotten endless support and love from them! But I'm scared to tell the other side of the family. My mom is going to help me tell her boyfriend, but then he'll end up outing me to his mom and so on. It's just #scary . I might be #overreacting but I don't know.

#Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Fear #LGBTQ #Advice #help #scared #Parents #teenager


Feeling #Guilty after feeling #overwhelmed

I just had a meeting at a court house for a hearing that I have coming up (nothing criminal just insurance stuff) and whilst I was lodging my documents, the employee there spoke down to me in such a way that I had to run to the bathroom to cry for a good 5 minutes. Then afterwards, and on top of that, I also started crying in the street with my boyfriend on the way out, and then also in the car...I’m afraid I’ve made a scene and now I can’t get the thought out of my head that I’m a really bad person for not being able to control my emotions sometimes.
Does anyone else ever feel so guilty after feeling so overwhelmed?
I sometimes feel so guilty that I’ll “punish” myself in my mind.
I also had to take today off of work at only 1 days notice because of this and my anxiety is bouncing off the walls wondering if my supervisor and colleagues now hate me for not being more organised. #Anxiety #overreacting


Did I over react ?

I have so much resentment towards my parents because their terrible and argumentative relationship ruined my life ...
I accidentally dropped a note that was in my diary with my thoughts and feelings in it. My dad found it outside and idk if he read it ..but then gave it to my mom and she did . Yes i accidentally dropped it ...but i immediately cried and got mad because now they knew my feelings and i didn’t want them to cause i don’t trust them... I apologized for over reacting ..but i couldn’t help it . The people i trust the least are reading my feelings 💔🤦🏽‍♀️ #overreacting


I feel like a fraud

When I see others dealer with greater issues than mine and doing so much better than I've been able to... it makes me feel so ashamed and fake. Like I'm over reacting, or maybe I'm giving up too easily. Obviously my pain and difficulties aren't that bad compared to people I see every day. I'm just a wimp and an attention seeker
#Fibro #Insecure #overreacting #Mobilityissues


All or Nothing... #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

I have a significant other who is really very understanding, we've been through some tough times and managed to keep it together. I keep running into the same issue on my side of things and it's causing a few problems.  My 'All or Nothing' thought process.

An example, we'll be doing fine for awhile and things are good.  Then he starts feeling like he needs some space because that's just the type of person he is, not that I'm clingy or anything he just needs alone time to recharge and I totally get that.  So he'll very carefully say something about needing some time for himself.

Logically, I know this is good. We both need space and time to be with ourselves and I fully support that. But then my illogical brain starts going and suddenly I'm worried he doesn't love me, when I know that is not the case. My brain tells me he is pushing me away and I better leave before he can hurt me by breaking up with me, you can see how quick it spirals out of control.

So I'm struggling with this.  How do I give myself a reality check?  How do I get myself to stop taking everything so personally?  That thought of you are either all in or all out, there isn't in between when I know, in my good moments, that's not the case at all.  He doesn't love me any less because he wants to spend time alone playing a video game.  But my brain starts running away with it and I struggle.  I usually withdraw because part of me knows this is a huge over reaction to the situation.  I support doing whatever a person needs to recharge, for him it's some solo time.
#spirallingthoughts #overreacting #help