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    So surgery postponed ugh...

    So it was all set to have surgery on my ear for a keloid scar. Hopsital rang and cancelled it this afternoon. I have been anxious all week for this and now the wait has to be extended. Its being done under local anaesthetic and I'm going to be awake for it too. Ugh. Really. #worrier
    #Anxiety #overthinker #whenwillitbedone . Been waiting since Dec 2021 for this operation

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    What ya thinking about?

    Always multiple tabs open and I can’t find where the music is playing #Art #Insomnia #overthinker


    When things don't make sense

    Lately there have been so many times I find myself overthinking a lot. Nothing specific, usually trivial things like why do I do things the way I do? Is it because that's how my parents would do it? Does it even make sense to do things that way? What's the logic behind my thoughts right now? Why do I even care about these thoughts? What is it that really bothers me? ...and the spiral continues from there, yet I rarely consider the fact that it really doesn't matter, and there starts another spiral of what is happening? What was I doing to begin with that started these random thoughts?

    I feel trapped inside my head.

    I would love to know if you can relate, and let me know how you deal with it. I find that because of this, I struggle to focus. #Anxiety #Depression #overthinker


    My burdens

    How do you reach out and talk about something when what you are talking about sounds like you're judging the person(s) you are being affected by? Sometimes I think I'm doing too much and searching for disappointments. I just hurt myself with my expectations of others. That thought of I'm not like that with you so why are you like that with me. I would never cause you this hurt like you continue to do me. And when you question it or address it, somehow you've done wrong to them. I can't talk to whom I need to fix the problems with because it creates a different problem. I can't lean on others that are of the opposite sex because I am married and it could pose a problem. I can't lean on women because instead of being a supportive person they judge or say things about that person or make it seem like you're bashing the other person. How do you talk to anyone? #burdens #myburdens #overthinker


    I once spent an entire summer cutting my front lawn with only scissors. The grass was knee high when my dad and I moved in, and we didn’t have a mower. People who came over to visit would make jokes or comments about how our house would look really nice if only we would cut the grass. I would get upset and embarrassed because with no mower and no money to buy one I felt my hands were tied and their remarks unhelpful. After a few of these visits and dwelling on them constantly because that’s what I do, l overthink everything, self loathing, berating myself, becoming so anxious, I become paranoid. Anyway, I found a pair of metal scissors and I went out and sat in the grass and started in one corner of the yard and by weeks end I had finally cut down all the tall grass, but the grass where I started was already beginning to grow tall again, so I would get up early the next morning and begin again. Everyday I did that for an entire summer. I also worked as a cleaner for a realtor who bought old homes and rehabilitated them for resale. I finally saved up enough money to buy a push mower. But as crazy as people found it and me to have cut my grass with scissors (none of them ever thought about helping me by coming over once a week to with cut my lawn or let me use their mower), I found something out about myself. I’m a problem solver. Regardless of what obstacles are in my path, or how crazy I can, and most likely will, make myself, I will solve the problem, eventually. #overthinker #OCD #Paranoia #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #stop !


    Self Validation

    What do you do when you find yourself looking for outside validation?

    Why do I feel the need to “impress” the opposite sex with my looks?

    Accepting is the first step, right!!!

    #workinprogress #self -help #overthinker

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    Are you an over thinker?

    Yep! Hit it right on the Head! Everything described here is what I struggle with day in & day out. When I decided to research information about my BPD, now I know why my brain works the way it does & why I think & feel & act the way I do.

    #overthinker #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #HowMyBrainWorks


    Freaking out a little. #ChronicMigraines #overthinker

    So I wasn't freaking out about my sinus surgery in 9 days, but, I'm not allowed to take any kind of pain med including otc except for tylenol. My head hurts CONSTANTLY. The headache can flip the migraine switch at any time and it's starting. I don't know if I can go ten days on only tylenol and they ate going in through my nose and into thre back of my head and I'm getting scared and nervous.


    Does anyone ever over think or over analyze just about everything? How much of an impact does it make on your mental health? #OverAnalyze

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Mentalcase #overthinker #hypervigilant #PTSD #Anxiety


    Thoughts about my birthday comming up...

    So my birthday is on Monday. And my family wants to do something for me. Like how we've done for everyone whos had a birthday during covid. But I dont really want to celebrate with them...is that bad? Like for my mom's birthday and my dads birthday my brother whos a drunk (if you havent read my other posts about my family) just gets so drunk he sleeps on the couch throughout the celebration. Which sure we dont have to worry about him being a drunk jerk while awake but he misses out on the memories. And I just honestly dont want to be at my house if my brother is just going to be stupid and drunk. And my family upset. I honestly rather be alone on my birthday and just walk at a nature park. Or be at a church and just pray. #Birthday #Depression #Anxiety #Upset #overthinker