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Behind the Smile hides a Sea of Secrets

#imagine your #Life as a #different person. Imagine that you do not have a #MentalHealth condition that affects your everyday life. Think about it. Would you really be #happier by being Not You? I do not think so.

#everybody has #Problems , this is a phrase we hear a lot. It seems to minimize your own issues and make it seem as though someone else's means more #severe than your own concerns.

We are #luckier than most but not as lucky as some. That's another phrase an ex boyfriend once told me. I believe it. I may be #struggling to make #sense of things, but it will not make me #stop #Trying to do the right thing.

What are your #Thoughts ?

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Not a dating site

I just had to state this..I thought this was a safe site? I’ve had a couple of men trying to contact me on here and it’s with a initial “hello,” want to chat or whatever..One asked to be my counselor/therapist. I have a therapist I’m quite happy with. She’s my true self-help, and my guide, at this current time in my life.

I’m leery of men contacting me. It could be because I have this radar that says: they’re trying trying to “get” with me? Is that an unfair assesment,maybe, but it’s happened to me many times in life. It could be because of my past trauma.? It could be because they think I’m weak or vulnerable? I’m not..I’ve survived a lot in life; I’ve been on the planet quite awhile.

I’ve been happily married to the same man for over 40 years! We’re great! I don’t need another relationship!

If your intentions had some underlying motive or aim, here isn’t the place to sow that. Please, go to a dating site or somewhere else and do that..#stop #Abuse #lonely

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I once spent an entire summer cutting my front lawn with only scissors. The grass was knee high when my dad and I moved in, and we didn’t have a mower. People who came over to visit would make jokes or comments about how our house would look really nice if only we would cut the grass. I would get upset and embarrassed because with no mower and no money to buy one I felt my hands were tied and their remarks unhelpful. After a few of these visits and dwelling on them constantly because that’s what I do, l overthink everything, self loathing, berating myself, becoming so anxious, I become paranoid. Anyway, I found a pair of metal scissors and I went out and sat in the grass and started in one corner of the yard and by weeks end I had finally cut down all the tall grass, but the grass where I started was already beginning to grow tall again, so I would get up early the next morning and begin again. Everyday I did that for an entire summer. I also worked as a cleaner for a realtor who bought old homes and rehabilitated them for resale. I finally saved up enough money to buy a push mower. But as crazy as people found it and me to have cut my grass with scissors (none of them ever thought about helping me by coming over once a week to with cut my lawn or let me use their mower), I found something out about myself. I’m a problem solver. Regardless of what obstacles are in my path, or how crazy I can, and most likely will, make myself, I will solve the problem, eventually. #overthinker #OCD #Paranoia #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #stop !

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#Night terrors

I’m suffering! I’m avoiding going to sleep, or taking a lot of sleeping meds with muscle relaxers. I’m not an addic but I’m afraid I will get addicted. It runs in my family big time. What do you do to combat? Thinking I can win or rewriting the story isn’t working. I have all kinds of sensory things to comfort me. The trauma terrors still rage! #stop night terrors #Night terror #nightterrors

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#Night terrors

I’m suffering! I’m avoiding going to sleep, or taking a lot of sleeping meds with muscle relaxers. I’m not an addic but I’m afraid I will get addicted. It runs in my family big time. What do you do to combat? Thinking I can win or rewriting the story isn’t working. I have all kinds of sensory things to comfort me. The trauma terrors still rage! #stop night terrors #Night terror #nightterrors

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I GIVE UP-(for now) "A LESSON IN PATIENCE & TRUST" #stop #Waiting #rest #bestill

When every door slams in your face, long enough enough times in a row, maybe God is trying to tell you to be still. ( & rest.) When your search seems all in vain, maybe the answer is on its way.......to you.

Anyway, I have tried all options available to me to get some support for my knee. (it went out Friday before last) Over a week has gone by & all effort in vain. Even the assessment appt. set for tomorrow, with the new Home Care Company has been postponed cuz of the coming snowstorm ..... All I know is I'm tired, exhausted, & drained. & I need to rest. I'VE HAD IT.

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Does anyone have any ideas #help

Does anyone suddenly spiral out of control fly off the handle and feel like they can’t control it?
Do you know how many ideas of how to get yourself to #stop doing that??

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I don’t give a fudge! # depression#tired #takingcare #Care #worthy #stop #bed #choosing

Since two or three days, I don’t feel so good. Is it my fibromyalgia, my BPD or simply the fact that my children chose to be estranged to their father and me?

I can’t say for sure but I decided to go on strike and say to the rest of the world: “fudge you, you are nothing to me!” Which of course is not true as my heart is full of hurt from the loss of my parents when I was young and the “loss” of my children by their choice of life.

So strike it is, with my husband of 23 years, who knows me very well, taking care of my physical needs and emotional ones, as much as he can.

I decided to stay in bed. Not to lay and cry although I gave myself permission too, but to lick my wounds, take care of myself with lot of sleep, reading, funny movies, tele series, animal documentaries, biographies, light food ( junk food does not appeal to me)and coffee.

It’s been 3 days now and I am recovering from that dark hole that was trying to swallow me.
I kept contact with my sisters and best friends but did not talk about what I was going through: they heard me retell the same ole story over and over. I try to give them a break and also be there for them. And I am a good friend. One good point for me!

Oh! And I was not alone: beside God who is always with me, He made sure that my dog and at least one of my cats staying with me in bed, close to me. So I am in good company.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here and it doesn’t matter: I’m getting better by doing what I’m doing right now.

Will it work if it happens in the future again? I don’t know as I live a day at a time.
Why? I can’t do nothing about the past but learn from it and I have no power over the future neither. All I can do is CARPE DIEM.

DORA