I can identify two specific thoughts weighing me down this morning-
1- the professionals who I need to help me get out of this situation have given up on my case and are not currently working on it
(Note: this is mostly true and I have a plan moving forward to take action on this. I just haven’t had the spoons to do so.)
2- people saying “I would never let someone control me” / “______ doesn’t scare me.”
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder isn’t really being scared. Usually I feel more worried than scared. I am worried about my ex becoming more… toxic is how I will describe it right now. He has shown signs of intimidation and so it would be incredibly naive for me not to be worried about that. Most of “feeling scared” is mostly in regards to housing insecurity. Which, again, would be incredibly naive to not feel scared. That’s a very real fear that anyone would feel in this situation.
#DomesticAbuseSurvivors #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks
Mistakes are a part of life. For some us, mistakes always had severe consequences. I still have panic attacks today when I make a mistake. I am frustrated that a simple mistake overwhelms me. I am grateful that I can share my thoughts here.
Remembering to take your anxiety medication can be difficult, but there are things you can do to reduce the burden.
Maybe you keep your medication in a daily or weekly pill container, or perhaps you track your medication and side effects in a journal or app that you share with your health care team.
However you remember to take your medication, share your experiences in the comments below (the rest of us might just pick up a few new tips!).
#Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CheckInWithMe
I’ve been given a closer look into why I kept getting denied for my disability case , even though I have years of records. My lawyer called me after my final denial from the original judge on my case as well as the one that presided over my hearing. This judge isn’t from my jurisdiction, come to find out he’s nowhere near my state, so his judgement was based on the resources I’d be able to receive in his area. I’m bothered yet a tad bit relieved from this news, being in this state for so long now has made me feel like every no is a personal attack on me and me alone. Every denial felt like someone was looking me in the face and saying “I don’t believe you , figure it out” and now I see it’s solely based in..ignorance? Stubbornness? Misinformation? The bright side of the situation is My attorney is filing a new case with a judge in my jurisdiction and due to the amount of denials over the last 2 years , my treatment records and now the 3rd downsizing in residence to avoid eviction I have a better chance of being approved. My lawyer also let me know that because of the extreme hardships in finances he’s able to expedite my case to be seen as soon as possible, I am however losing 2 years of backpay they would have owed me if the first judge approved me. But I’m looking on the brighter side ,although I’m afraid to be hopeful, feeling hopeful about this makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve hoped for years now for the relief that I’ve needed to stop the rapid deterioration of my financial state that has worsened my mental state due to the sheer unstableness and now it may be a closer possibility. Yet I feel more fearful than hopeful. I’m terrified of the same outcome, each of the 5 denials I’ve received have been such blows that it almost made me numb to the disappointment and hopelessness of the situation. That being said I have made up my mind to try to be hopeful and try my absolute best to prepare for the worst. I’m just so scared and tired. #ChronicDepression #Agoraphobia #PTSD #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #MentalHealth #PanicDisorder #Hope
When you are having a panic attack/anxiety attack, this is the remedy just find a single seat to sit in like a kitchen table chair or similar. Slouch in your straight chair just a little bit not much though and let your arms dangle by your side not moving a muscle but not controlling your arms at all as if they are not part of your body. 2nd step is to close your eyes and make sure you are in a quiet environment. You can even do this outside if that is more comfortable for you in a lawn chair or something similar. Once your eyes are closed think of a nice relaxing vacations spot, at this point your entering a fantasy world and you are taking yourself away from the negative world around you for a few moments. #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #PanicAttack #emotional #MentalHealth
My “friends” rarely acknowledge the weight of the life threatening situation I’m in. They also ignore me if I talk about my symptoms of #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChronicMigraines #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks
I don’t know if this is because I have tried to mask it for so so so long and I can no longer do that. Or maybe it’s ableism? I don’t know. Maybe it’s me. I keep thinking I’m asking too much but I really try not to even talk about the things I am experiencing. I know I cannot reach out to them in a crisis.
My friends work in education/mental health; they specifically work with people with disabilities.
I have asked a few people this over the years and they have told me I need better friends. Which is easier said than done 🥴
When I lose my debit card I panic, When I lose my credit card I panic, When I lose my car keys I panic, When I lose my door key I panic, when leave the cashier without picking up my purchase I panic, When I forget to double check me to go order I panic.
When I'm stuck on the expressway with the gas hand on "E" I panic, when my car breaks down, I panic, When I can't find my cellphone I panic, when they cut off my lights at home I panic, When I forget to eat or oversleep, I panic.#PanicAttack
Hi, my name is Hugs4uSunshineSkies. I'm here because I struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and other things. I want to seek supports, ask questions, read posts and just be able to not feel alone in my struggles, while trying to be more positive and seek recovery. Thanks everyone for this beautiful community :-) means a lot as a resource. Look forward to using it, and wishing everyone the best. Hope we can be one little family and community supporting each other.
It has been…
I don’t even have the words here.
I’m struggling. I’m suffering.
I rarely eat. I rarely sleep. I am dissociating and catatonic much of the day.
I still dream of moving my body and doing crafts and socializing and laughing and playing with my fidgets and going adventuring.
I have no security at all. In a month- I could literally be trying to sleep in my car during winter.
I have #ChronicMigraines and need ice packs to manage them so I don’t have to go to the ER as often. I have #Agoraphobia so doing much of anything outside of a “safe place” is extremely taxing. And I have no true safe place at the moment. I have safer places. But most of my day is spent trying to meet my basic physical needs to just move. I have #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder which is completely debilitating. #PanicAttacks happen so often I have lost count of how many I have. I cannot prevent them. Trying to stay in my car is going to be… well again I don’t have the words.
I am always experiencing debilitating symptoms of several treatment resistant disorders.
I am supposed to be receiving services through an agency but my case manager is out as usual and they haven’t even been checking in with me- let alone doing anything substantial to help. If I go somewhere else- I’ll have to wait a really long time to likely deal with the same problems during post-pandemic crisis where everyone is trying to get help. Also- my diagnoses make it unlikely to get the help I need. I “only” have #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder and #Anxiety so I don’t seem like I would need case management. But I do. I got one after fighting for months. This was prior to COVID and the influx of needs/shortages of resources that resulted from the pandemic.
I’m tired of begging for my life. And I don’t even know what I’m fighting for anymore
Everyone says to be optimistic and hope for things to get better. But I did- for seven years. It has only gotten worse.
I know I need to file a grievance and advocate for myself. But I’ve been doing it for so long and no one is listening anymore. It doesn’t feel like anything will be solved. There truly are some problems that don’t get solved. Not only that- fighting is really hard when you spend hours just trying will your body to move.
And the brain fog/sensory overload/executive dysfunction/short term memory problems completely take away my ability to plan or think or problem solve.
Christmas is a huge trigger for me during the best of times. I went to the store for groceries and dissociated and cried for four hours while in there. By myself. With no one to text or to call or to ask for help. I have tried crisis lines (and the like) but the problems are too tangled, nuanced, and overwhelming that I usually get told that they cannot help me.
Other than my therapist, I talk to no one who has known me more than a few months. My social support has abandoned me or I realized they were too unhealthy. I feel left behind and forgotten. I cannot connect with humans anymore. No one can relate to the things I have experienced and that I am currently experiencing. People minimize my experiences. Even when they have seen how much I struggle and how much I try.
This weekend I have been fighting intrusive thoughts relating to foreshortened future. Every morning- the first thing I do is check on my dog to make sure she is still alive. That very specific thought pops into my head immediately. If it is a day someone actually talks to me- after the exchange I have the intrusive thought that I’ll never be able to talk to them again because of how bad my symptomatology is getting and how much time passes between even just text exchanges- let alone seeing people IRL.
It makes me feel more paralyzed. I feel trapped.
I don’t have ways of self soothing or comforting myself that work.
I don’t feel human.
The people I tell this to- if I can explain it clearly- are shocked by the reality. Or I literally get told I’m not in a crisis (I think this is because I’m almost always relatively calm and rational. I may be emotional, but I’m not aggressive or even really that irritable… I mask well)
There is so much more. I don’t know why I’m trying to explain this anymore. I just need it in a place where I can find it and I can’t really remember where I put it. So it’s safe here. I think I’m going to see if I can watch the Truman Show.
But I’m fine- how are you?