Panic Attacks

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For whatever reason I was unable to reply to the conversation about panic attacks. I have several different types, as well. We have been building a house that is wheelchair accessible (I'm the one in the wheelchair), and the stressors of that have been more than I anticipated, particularly since it was supposed to be finished at the end of January and it still isn't finished. Between the month-to-month rent at our apartment, the storage facility rent and interest on a construction loan (higher rate because it is supposed to be short-term), we're hemorrhaging money. Thank goodness my anxiety causes me to hoard money like a squirrel hoards acorns.

One day in June we found out that our little 14 year-old dog's front leg was so badly fractured that it required amputation (she fell off the stairs to our bed at an angle). On that same day, my husband found out that his company was undergoing "restructuring" and that he was being replaced by a kid 1/2 his age without the qualifications necessary to replace him in this position. He was told that the kid was fresh out of the navy and had been hired for one position, but that they were "switching positions". He was told it was basically a done deal and did he have a problem with it. This demotion includes that now he will be unable for the promotion for which, during his initial interview 3 1/2 years ago, he was told he would eventually be replacing his previous immediate superior who is retiring. Because that position required travel, it is the reason that we are custom building said house above, because it would be safe for me to stay by myself. Two weeks after filing an Alternative Dispute Resolution with his company, he was given a list of his responsibilities. Essentially it's the bulk of his previous responsibilities (because the new guy doesn't know how) and his new position's responsibilities as well. He would work 16 hour days and not complete everything. He's being set up to fail. It's blatant age discrimination, but proving it is "next to impossible" according to one attorney. The fact that we're up to our necks with the house based upon the interview and the reassurance last fall that he would be replacing his previous supervisor this September, evidently this is not considered anything that would be stressful for my husband.

My anxiety has been so unrelenting that it has turned from the elephant sitting on your chest, can't breathe, dizzy, nauseous feeling into numbness. I'm not depressed. I've had depression before, and I know what it feels like. I just don't feel anything. No high, no low, no excitement about the house, nothing. I don't feel sad. I don't feel hopeless. I just don't feel anything. There are things for which I should be very happy, and there are things for which I should be sad and shedding tears like I normally would. I think I may feel anger unknowingly because during a dream I punched the guy who did all of that at his place of employment in the stomach. With the exception of waking up at night in a full-out panic attack, I feel nothing. What is worse, while I should be packing and preparing to move, I am stuck. I do only what is absolutely necessary (pay a bill, etc.) I don't leave the house -- I don't leave the bed now for weeks. I feel like I'm in the middle of a block of ice. I sought out a therapist who does telehealth and is covered by my insurance. She said that it is a type of detachment, and because of my social anxiety and my reluctance to leave the apartment I should have in-person therapy. We live in the boondocks. There ARE no therapists here.

Has anyone else experienced this unbelievably weird phenomenon? #Anxiety

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Here is a pic of me as a senior in high school, I was 17.

This was the first time I had really smiled since losing my best friend to suicide the year before.

It was hard to keep pressing forward when my whole world changed so so drastically.

My family and my faith that everything happens for a reason kept me holding on tight with all I had, putting one step in front of the other.
7 years later my brother was driving to school when an elderly man who was blind in one eye and almost blind in the other was driving when he should never have been. He slammed into my brother going 60mph.

We know my brother was protected by angels. He should never have survived but he did with only his wrist being broken and one of his lungs collapsing. But an officer had been driving behind him and saw the whole thing. He was able to call an ambulance right away and my brother had his lungs reinflated during surgery.

For the first time since my best friend died I KNEW that I could help Rylan, my brother, in a way I wished someone had been able to help and relate to me when Danny killed himself when I refused to date him.

Inadvertently, Rylan and I played parts in the death of a person.
It took me 10yrs to grieve and heal from Danny's death. I knew my purpose was to help Rylan in the way and with the words I needed so many years ago.

Later Rylan told me that my words helped him change his thinking of "why did this have to happen to me, my life was going great before this" to "everything happens for a reason and God has a purpose in all things, this trial is meant to be for my good somehow." Use that frustration to propell you forward as you learn why God chose you to be the one that man drove into."

Yes, bad things happen to good people but not to bring us down, to help us rise, overcome, and better ourselves in ways we never would have done on our own.

Within one hour of the accident, my trials and lessons from Danny's death was already changing and helping my brother for the better.

I worked hard to help him heal even when he wanted to pretend it never happened. But I knew and was guided by God to help Rylan each time. It was the first time in all those years I felt truly that I was meant to be right there.
Helping Rylan vet past the denial, the depression, and anger, bargaining, and finally to acceptance.

Rylan used the things he learned to then help others. We found he was really good at taking the info a psychologist gave him and using it to help others.

They had to do an investigation to make sure it wasn't Rylan's fault. Rylan's lawyer said I shouldn't have posted on Facebook to our friends and family before i went to the hospital but when Danny died I wished more than anything that someone posted about me and him so others knew I was involved. I never have regretted posting about it because Rylan got all the support I always wished I had. He had people to stand up for him instead of having to stand up to them all on his own, like I did.

Rylan's accident gave me purpose to put all my experiences to good use. Of course they found the man who was almost completely blind at fault. My family and Rylan did a farewell to the guy. His name was Charlie. He made a bad decision driving without a license when he couldn't see anything out of his right eye. It almost too Rylan's life along with him. All of us were glad it was Rylan who was protected by angels and that neither of them had anyone in their vehicles with them.

Rylan and I played a part both unwittingly, in the death of someone. It is a horrible club to be in but for me, it gave me purpose to help Ry just as I wished someone helped me in all the ways a death exacts.

After that I KNEW with confidence and no doubt, that everything happens for a reason and God never would make us suffer for no reason.

Everything has a reason and a purpose.

And I am so very blessed that some of my loss and suffering was able to help my little brother so much. And able to change his whole attitude and outlook.

What a gift!

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #AnkylosingSpondylitis #bedbound #BoneSplints #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #RareDisease #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #CheerMeOn #Upallnight #IfYouFeelHopeless #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Grief #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Insomnia #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #Headache #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #Lymphedema #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Migraine #MemoryLoss #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #plantarfasciitis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #Psychosis #RheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #Scoliosis #sciatica #ShinSplints #musclespasms #MultipleAutoimmuneSyndrome #Eczema

34 reactions 4 comments
Post
See full photo

Here is a pic of me as a senior in high school, I was 17.

This was the first time I had really smiled since losing my best friend to suicide the year before.

It was hard to keep pressing forward when my whole world changed so so drastically.

My family and my faith that everything happens for a reason kept me holding on tight with all I had, putting one step in front of the other.
7 years later my brother was driving to school when an elderly man who was blind in one eye and almost blind in the other was driving when he should never have been. He slammed into my brother going 60mph.

We know my brother was protected by angels. He should never have survived but he did with only his wrist being broken and one of his lungs collapsing. But an officer had been driving behind him and saw the whole thing. He was able to call an ambulance right away and my brother had his lungs reinflated during surgery.

For the first time since my best friend died I KNEW that I could help Rylan, my brother, in a way I wished someone had been able to help and relate to me when Danny killed himself when I refused to date him.

Inadvertently, Rylan and I played parts in the death of a person.
It took me 10yrs to grieve and heal from Danny's death. I knew my purpose was to help Rylan in the way and with the words I needed so many years ago.

Later Rylan told me that my words helped him change his thinking of "why did this have to happen to me, my life was going great before this" to "everything happens for a reason and God has a purpose in all things, this trial is meant to be for my good somehow." Use that frustration to propell you forward as you learn why God chose you to be the one that man drove into."

Yes, bad things happen to good people but not to bring us down, to help us rise, overcome, and better ourselves in ways we never would have done on our own.

Within one hour of the accident, my trials and lessons from Danny's death was already changing and helping my brother for the better.

I worked hard to help him heal even when he wanted to pretend it never happened. But I knew and was guided by God to help Rylan each time. It was the first time in all those years I felt truly that I was meant to be right there.
Helping Rylan vet past the denial, the depression, and anger, bargaining, and finally to acceptance.

Rylan used the things he learned to then help others. We found he was really good at taking the info a psychologist gave him and using it to help others.

They had to do an investigation to make sure it wasn't Rylan's fault. Rylan's lawyer said I shouldn't have posted on Facebook to our friends and family before i went to the hospital but when Danny died I wished more than anything that someone posted about me and him so others knew I was involved. I never have regretted posting about it because Rylan got all the support I always wished I had. He had people to stand up for him instead of having to stand up to them all on his own, like I did.

Rylan's accident gave me purpose to put all my experiences to good use. Of course they found the man who was almost completely blind at fault. My family and Rylan did a farewell to the guy. His name was Charlie. He made a bad decision driving without a license when he couldn't see anything out of his right eye. It almost too Rylan's life along with him. All of us were glad it was Rylan who was protected by angels and that neither of them had anyone in their vehicles with them.

Rylan and I played a part both unwittingly, in the death of someone. It is a horrible club to be in but for me, it gave me purpose to help Ry just as I wished someone helped me in all the ways a death exacts.

After that I KNEW with confidence and no doubt, that everything happens for a reason and God never would make us suffer for no reason.

Everything has a reason and a purpose.

And I am so very blessed that some of my loss and suffering was able to help my little brother so much. And able to change his whole attitude and outlook.

What a gift!

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #AnkylosingSpondylitis #bedbound #BoneSplints #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #RareDisease #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #CheerMeOn #Upallnight #IfYouFeelHopeless #Fibromyalgia #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Grief #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Insomnia #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #Headache #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #Lymphedema #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Migraine #MemoryLoss #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #plantarfasciitis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #Psychosis #RheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #Scoliosis #sciatica #ShinSplints #musclespasms #MultipleAutoimmuneSyndrome #Eczema

34 reactions 4 comments
Post
See full photo

Here is a pic of me as a senior in high school, I was 17.

This was the first time I had really smiled since losing my best friend to suicide the year before.

It was hard to keep pressing forward when my whole world changed so so drastically.

My family and my faith that everything happens for a reason kept me holding on tight with all I had, putting one step in front of the other.
7 years later my brother was driving to school when an elderly man who was blind in one eye and almost blind in the other was driving when he should never have been. He slammed into my brother going 60mph.

We know my brother was protected by angels. He should never have survived but he did with only his wrist being broken and one of his lungs collapsing. But an officer had been driving behind him and saw the whole thing. He was able to call an ambulance right away and my brother had his lungs reinflated during surgery.

For the first time since my best friend died I KNEW that I could help Rylan, my brother, in a way I wished someone had been able to help and relate to me when Danny killed himself when I refused to date him.

Inadvertently, Rylan and I played parts in the death of a person.
It took me 10yrs to grieve and heal from Danny's death. I knew my purpose was to help Rylan in the way and with the words I needed so many years ago.

Later Rylan told me that my words helped him change his thinking of "why did this have to happen to me, my life was going great before this" to "everything happens for a reason and God has a purpose in all things, this trial is meant to be for my good somehow." Use that frustration to propell you forward as you learn why God chose you to be the one that man drove into."

Yes, bad things happen to good people but not to bring us down, to help us rise, overcome, and better ourselves in ways we never would have done on our own.

Within one hour of the accident, my trials and lessons from Danny's death was already changing and helping my brother for the better.

I worked hard to help him heal even when he wanted to pretend it never happened. But I knew and was guided by God to help Rylan each time. It was the first time in all those years I felt truly that I was meant to be right there.
Helping Rylan vet past the denial, the depression, and anger, bargaining, and finally to acceptance.

Rylan used the things he learned to then help others. We found he was really good at taking the info a psychologist gave him and using it to help others.

They had to do an investigation to make sure it wasn't Rylan's fault. Rylan's lawyer said I shouldn't have posted on Facebook to our friends and family before i went to the hospital but when Danny died I wished more than anything that someone posted about me and him so others knew I was involved. I never have regretted posting about it because Rylan got all the support I always wished I had. He had people to stand up for him instead of having to stand up to them all on his own, like I did.

Rylan's accident gave me purpose to put all my experiences to good use. Of course they found the man who was almost completely blind at fault. My family and Rylan did a farewell to the guy. His name was Charlie. He made a bad decision driving without a license when he couldn't see anything out of his right eye. It almost too Rylan's life along with him. All of us were glad it was Rylan who was protected by angels and that neither of them had anyone in their vehicles with them.

Rylan and I played a part both unwittingly, in the death of someone. It is a horrible club to be in but for me, it gave me purpose to help Ry just as I wished someone helped me in all the ways a death exacts.

After that I KNEW with confidence and no doubt, that everything happens for a reason and God never would make us suffer for no reason.

Everything has a reason and a purpose.

And I am so very blessed that some of my loss and suffering was able to help my little brother so much. And able to change his whole attitude and outlook.

What a gift!

#AmplifiedMusculoskeletalPainSyndrome #Arthritis #Asthma #Anxiety #bedbound #AnkylosingSpondylitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Depression #Disability #DistractMe #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Endometriosis #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Grief #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Insomnia #CheerMeOn #Upallnight #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hypersomnia #HighBloodPressure #Headache #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis #Insomnia #Lymphedema #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #PTSD #Psoriasis #PsoriaticArthritis #Psychosis #plantarfasciitis #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #Migraine #MemoryLoss #RareDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #SuicidalThoughts #sciatica #Scoliosis #ShinSplints #BoneSplints

11 reactions 4 comments