Prostate Cancer

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    Overwhelmed with thoughts of death

    Hi. I’m new here and am having issues like everyone else. I have ADHD, OCD, depression and anxiety. Everything is very overwhelming in my life right now and I’m having trouble coping.
    My Mom is in a nursing home receiving skilled care. She won’t leave her room unless my husband and I take her. She’s getting weaker by the day. I’m her Power of Attorney.
    My Mom’s sister went into assisted living last fall in another state. She caught Covid-19 and went to the hospital. She had a choice of going to rehab or hospice because of many health issues. She chose hospice and died at the end of September. I’m the Executor of her estate.
    My husband has prostate cancer and had a prostatectomy in December. We don’t know what will happen next.
    All I can think of is death. What is the point of doing anything when we’re just going to die?
    I am afraid to go to sleep at night and end up sleeping from dawn until early afternoon. I have no energy nor any desire to get any. Does anyone have any experience with this?

    10 reactions 1 comment

    Trials and tribulations of life

    I am 66 years young and have never really liked discussing the many health issues I have been dealing with over the past 40 plus years. A lot of that has to do with those in my family at times seem to not be able to relate to what is going on with me. I have been through 16 surgeries and have two bad knees that need replacement. I worked as a heavy equipment mechanic, tire store manager and Instructor at an Automotive and diesel college. These jobs have taken a heavy toll on my body along with two bad falls that started my back issues. I had two thyroid cancer surgeries in my early twenties and have no thyroid gland. I have had 5 lower back surgeries and still having problems even after multiple nerve ablations in lower back and neck. Most recently I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had the prostate removed in late November 2022. This put off having my left knee replaced for the second time and I will also need the right one replaced as well at some point in the future. Due to these problems and the fibromyalgia I find myself in constant pain everyday for many years. My pleas for relief are pretty much ignored by Doctors that do not understand or believe that I am having all these problems and won’t provide me with medication that can help me deal with the pain and sleep problems that come with chronic pain issues. Quality of life is also ignored due to the war on opioids that have helped a lot in the past, but now I think they believe I’m just looking for drugs to get high on. I refuse to use alcohol to help because it just leads to using more and more to find relief. I have not used any for 13 years and don’t want to go down that path again. To say that I am becoming overwhelmed by all of this would be a gross understatement. So I have come here to maybe connect with others with similar problems in the hope that It will help me or you in some way. There are other problems not mentioned because it would be a longer story than already stated. I have come to the conclusion that this is what it is and will live out my days in pain and fighting with my PCP Doctor over my thyroid medication. I feel better on higher dose but they insist that my numbers are normal. I have been on Disability since 2009. I know there are many of you that know what it’s like living on a fixed income and needing a lot of medical care. I like to exercise but find it to be very difficult when your body is hurting everywhere. And hurts so much more when you do. In spite of all of these issues I have never contemplated causing injury or worse to myself. I have much to live for with my children and grandchildren and hopefully someday great grandchildren. The bright parts of my life is I don’t have to deal with depression. I have a lot of faith in God and would appreciate prayers if you are so inclined. Thank you for bearing with me as I have rambled on about all of this. But it has made my life a little brighter just being able to talk about this. Any ideas or thoughts you may have to suggest that may have helped you deal with similar problems would be appreciated. Thanks for listening and have a great day.

    5 reactions 2 comments

    I’m new here!

    Hi, my name is npottle. I'm here because I’ve recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer and I’m hoping to find knowledge, comfort, and support here.


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    “Gift” of learning to live with a #narcissiticspouse /abuse.

    My journey has given me amazing steps in learning to be me; a trajectory upward in not being afraid to due-dilligently be me, no matter come what may; I fully trust myself—one of many things to remind myself of, when my #emotionallyabusivespouse aims to remind me that “he’s the smart one.” (I chuckle at that. He is going through daily radiation treament for prostate cancer. He’s experiencing/processing fear, stress,in his own way—I cannot be his emotional support; as a nature I am nurturer but I have no desire to give what I can’t get back. No time limit on these things. I’m grateful and fortunate to have minutes/moments when I feel content, pleased with myself. I worked darn hard, for decades! I digress! Now that I’ve shared that, I wish you a blessed day. We are worth it.



    About a week and a half ago I changed psychiatrists. On the day I had my first telehealth appointment with her I had run out of my Pristiq and I asked her if she could put in a new script for me which she did. However, for some reason my insurance has decided that it needs a prior authorization even though I have been on the med for months if not a year or slightly longer. That's the fun thing about the trial and error of meds, you go on and off so many you lose track of what you've tried and how long you've been on one particular med at least thats the case for me.

    I did get a call the middle of last week from the psych office in response to a call I put in at the end of the week before about the meds issue. I explained what was going on and that I wasn't able to get the prescription. I stopped by my pharmacy last Friday as a follow-up and the script was still waiting for the pre authorization.

    This was a script that I was hoping to wean off of as part of the process to determine what meds were actually doing something for me and which were not. I don't want to be taking a handful of meds if there is no reason too.

    On Saturday I had someone over that I care a great deal for that spent most of the day and evening with me cuddling and talking. At one point I was talking about the sudden loss of my mother in 2010, that I was the one to find her and the process of cleaning out the house.

    My mother passed exactly a month to the day after my step-father passed from advanced prostate cancer. While it was very difficult to discuss for months after her passing I began to accept it and move on with my life.

    However, Saturday night while I was preparing dinner for the two of us is when the discussion came up and while talking about it I just broke down and cried a bit. The only thing I can attribute the breakdown to is having to go cold turkey from the med due to both my insurance and psychiatrist failing me.

    At this point I feel as though I need to find a new psych which is extremely difficult due to the insurance I have and I really don't want to have to go through the "meet and greet" once again, it gets very tiring having to tell your whole life story over and over again. This is why I have avoided the mental health institutions for most of my life but since my attempt in 2017 I haven't had much of a choice. However, I am considering going back to the way I was before my attempt which means closing myself off to people, relationships and meds.

    I grew up dealing with this bullshit on my own so I might as well go back to what I know best.


    Cancer I already have

    My age is 78. Prostate cancer was detected a few weeks ago. In a few days I will have surgery for both prostate and testicles.



    What was innocent to you is surreal to me.

    I just come here to say things I can’t say anywhere else. On New Years Eve, my wife says “thank you for being here, can I get another year?” Beats the shit out of me. Stage IV brain met…I just live in the moment. Had radiation to my brain in November. I now feel different in a way I can’t describe. Friend sends an invite on FB to a men’s retreat titled “One Year to Live”. It’s for middle age guys with a future. If he only knew. I have dreams foreshadowing my death. No time line. Oncologist won’t say “stage IV” even though the brain met is prostate cancer. Psychiatrist suggesting increase in med she previously wanted to get me off of because of “long term side effects”. Not a concern anymore? Radiation oncologist gave me a packet about living wills and medical power of attorney (that’s a first) But “everything is going well”. The only certainty I’ve been provided with by multiple oncologists is that the cancer is incurable. So I am left to my imagination. I could live another six months or five years. Or Omicron could get me in a few weeks. Not looking for helpful input, this is just a little vignette about how surreal the cancer journey can be. I’ll shake this all off (or maybe just carry it) and try to stay in the moment. Statistically, I’ve made it pretty far to the right of the bell curve, so there’s that. I’m rambling. It happens when it happens. Peace to all of you.

    1 comment

    Anyone ever had an “inappropriate” emotional response to cancer progression.

    I was recently diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer when a tumor was found on the base of my skull. Now the weird part. When I was initially told this, I felt an intense sense of relief. After six years of treatment, surgery, radiation, ADT, I went into an unexpectedly long 18 month remission, but was still told by multiple oncologists the cancer was incurable. So I’ve just been waiting for the other shoe to drop while struggling with permanent and dibilitating side effects of prior treatment. So when this tumor was found I thought” finally, I can get on with this and get this over with”. After the tumor was found, I had immediate Stereotactic Body Radiation Therapy, which only takes three blasts over a weeks time. Three weeks later, my PSA had dropped significantly, a sign the radiation was working. When I first heard that, I was profoundly disappointed. Again the thought was, I don’t want to keep prolonging this, I want it to be over. I have no thoughts of suicide…I’m just so weary after eight years. This is my confessional space. Who else can I tell and not sound absolutely crazy? The good news is I’ve been working really hard on an attitude adjustment. Remembering and re-examining things to be grateful for, for people and things that make my life meaningful and want to keep going. So I’m mostly over the emotional responses I had that were shocking to me when I experienced them. Maybe others have been in the same emotional spaces. If you have been, you are not alone, just know it’s possible to climb out.

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    I'm sick of being sick and tired.

    I'm 80 YO and see no point of being alive anymore. I have diabetes and prostate cancer. I'm at the point that Jesus is nothing but Caesar's Messiah and just there to keep us stupid people in line. Hopefully I will not live much longer.