Prostate Cancer

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Prostate Cancer
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    “Gift” of learning to live with a #narcissiticspouse /abuse.

    My journey has given me amazing steps in learning to be me; a trajectory upward in not being afraid to due-dilligently be me, no matter come what may; I fully trust myself—one of many things to remind myself of, when my #emotionallyabusivespouse aims to remind me that “he’s the smart one.” (I chuckle at that. He is going through daily radiation treament for prostate cancer. He’s experiencing/processing fear, stress,in his own way—I cannot be his emotional support; as a nature I am nurturer but I have no desire to give what I can’t get back. No time limit on these things. I’m grateful and fortunate to have minutes/moments when I feel content, pleased with myself. I worked darn hard, for decades! I digress! Now that I’ve shared that, I wish you a blessed day. We are worth it.

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    Frustrated

    About a week and a half ago I changed psychiatrists. On the day I had my first telehealth appointment with her I had run out of my Pristiq and I asked her if she could put in a new script for me which she did. However, for some reason my insurance has decided that it needs a prior authorization even though I have been on the med for months if not a year or slightly longer. That's the fun thing about the trial and error of meds, you go on and off so many you lose track of what you've tried and how long you've been on one particular med at least thats the case for me.

    I did get a call the middle of last week from the psych office in response to a call I put in at the end of the week before about the meds issue. I explained what was going on and that I wasn't able to get the prescription. I stopped by my pharmacy last Friday as a follow-up and the script was still waiting for the pre authorization.

    This was a script that I was hoping to wean off of as part of the process to determine what meds were actually doing something for me and which were not. I don't want to be taking a handful of meds if there is no reason too.

    On Saturday I had someone over that I care a great deal for that spent most of the day and evening with me cuddling and talking. At one point I was talking about the sudden loss of my mother in 2010, that I was the one to find her and the process of cleaning out the house.

    My mother passed exactly a month to the day after my step-father passed from advanced prostate cancer. While it was very difficult to discuss for months after her passing I began to accept it and move on with my life.

    However, Saturday night while I was preparing dinner for the two of us is when the discussion came up and while talking about it I just broke down and cried a bit. The only thing I can attribute the breakdown to is having to go cold turkey from the med due to both my insurance and psychiatrist failing me.

    At this point I feel as though I need to find a new psych which is extremely difficult due to the insurance I have and I really don't want to have to go through the "meet and greet" once again, it gets very tiring having to tell your whole life story over and over again. This is why I have avoided the mental health institutions for most of my life but since my attempt in 2017 I haven't had much of a choice. However, I am considering going back to the way I was before my attempt which means closing myself off to people, relationships and meds.

    I grew up dealing with this bullshit on my own so I might as well go back to what I know best.

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    Cancer I already have

    My age is 78. Prostate cancer was detected a few weeks ago. In a few days I will have surgery for both prostate and testicles.

    #Cancer

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    What was innocent to you is surreal to me.

    I just come here to say things I can’t say anywhere else. On New Years Eve, my wife says “thank you for being here, can I get another year?” Beats the shit out of me. Stage IV brain met…I just live in the moment. Had radiation to my brain in November. I now feel different in a way I can’t describe. Friend sends an invite on FB to a men’s retreat titled “One Year to Live”. It’s for middle age guys with a future. If he only knew. I have dreams foreshadowing my death. No time line. Oncologist won’t say “stage IV” even though the brain met is prostate cancer. Psychiatrist suggesting increase in med she previously wanted to get me off of because of “long term side effects”. Not a concern anymore? Radiation oncologist gave me a packet about living wills and medical power of attorney (that’s a first) But “everything is going well”. The only certainty I’ve been provided with by multiple oncologists is that the cancer is incurable. So I am left to my imagination. I could live another six months or five years. Or Omicron could get me in a few weeks. Not looking for helpful input, this is just a little vignette about how surreal the cancer journey can be. I’ll shake this all off (or maybe just carry it) and try to stay in the moment. Statistically, I’ve made it pretty far to the right of the bell curve, so there’s that. I’m rambling. It happens when it happens. Peace to all of you.
    #Cancer

    Question

    Anyone ever had an “inappropriate” emotional response to cancer progression.

    I was recently diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer when a tumor was found on the base of my skull. Now the weird part. When I was initially told this, I felt an intense sense of relief. After six years of treatment, surgery, radiation, ADT, I went into an unexpectedly long 18 month remission, but was still told by multiple oncologists the cancer was incurable. So I’ve just been waiting for the other shoe to drop while struggling with permanent and dibilitating side effects of prior treatment. So when this tumor was found I thought” finally, I can get on with this and get this over with”. After the tumor was found, I had immediate Stereotactic Body Radiation Therapy, which only takes three blasts over a weeks time. Three weeks later, my PSA had dropped significantly, a sign the radiation was working. When I first heard that, I was profoundly disappointed. Again the thought was, I don’t want to keep prolonging this, I want it to be over. I have no thoughts of suicide…I’m just so weary after eight years. This is my confessional space. Who else can I tell and not sound absolutely crazy? The good news is I’ve been working really hard on an attitude adjustment. Remembering and re-examining things to be grateful for, for people and things that make my life meaningful and want to keep going. So I’m mostly over the emotional responses I had that were shocking to me when I experienced them. Maybe others have been in the same emotional spaces. If you have been, you are not alone, just know it’s possible to climb out.

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    I'm sick of being sick and tired.

    I'm 80 YO and see no point of being alive anymore. I have diabetes and prostate cancer. I'm at the point that Jesus is nothing but Caesar's Messiah and just there to keep us stupid people in line. Hopefully I will not live much longer.

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    #ProstateCancer #leapoffaith #emotional /#psychologicalspouselabuse #Knowledgeispower #retrainyourbrain

    My emotionally/psychologically abusive husband, of 30 plus years has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I’ve been blessed: without any plan or struggle I innately reframed my decades of thinking. He needs me. My mantra is “make the best of this very moment”. I somehow created allegorical stories, totally void of any judgement or negativity, that told how anyone (him) can reflect, tweak their approach to life, and discover strengths they have can use for a greater good.
    His doc says the cancer is totally treatable.
    They say these situations show what you’re made of.
    Our house is now amazingly peaceful. HE HAS EXPRESSED GRATITUDE FOR HELPING HIM TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIMSELF.
    Our dynamic has changed, without any struggle. I will not tolerate abuse but I will stand by him, be his foundation, for as long as he shows respect and appreciation.
    Life can teach us amazing things!

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    Another TV show that I love that I want to shine the light on the illnesses they took their lives #bewitched

    #raisingawareness and #shiningthespotlight on
    #agnesmoorehead-#uterinecancer
    #dicksargent-#prostatecancer
    #dickyork-#emphysema
    #elizabethmontgomery-#coloncancer

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    Rare chronic disease awareness

    Every week and month, sometimes daily, I read about a rare or chronic disease awareness day (week, or month). As someone who has been diagnosed with such a illness and helps to run a national patient group for those who have this disease, I wonder how we can now stand out in a crowd of a hundred autoimmune diseases and over 7,000 rare diseases according to NORD. Then consider the common diseases that overshadow us.

    We all have a central message: "We have ________and need effective treatments and cures." With such a universal endpoint as our goal, how can all of us be heard above the din?

    There are broader based groups such as The American Cancer Society, American Lung Association, American Heart Association and many, many more. These groups tend to focus on patient education and advocacy/policy efforts at a national level. And yet the "little guys", often patient founded and volunteer run groups and organizations need to be heard as they are often those "in the trenches", experiencing the daily burden of their disease.

    Pediatric diseases and disorders make up about 90% of all rare diseases, without a treatment according to Global Genes) , and too many without any research efforts ongoing at all. This is dismal and doesn't represent our country's health care objectives. The same is true for adults.

    While we willingly treat heart disease and its consequences without shaming the patient, liver disease has an enormous stigma about lifestyle choices which can cause liver disease (alcohol abuse, illicit drug use, unsafe sex practices), most of the liver hundred liver diseases known are not caused by lifestyle choices.

    According to www.pinmart.com, these are some (edited for space) of the other awareness days in September:

    September 21st: World Alzheimer's Day (Purple)
    September 29th: World Heart Day
    September 5-11: Suicide Prevention Week (Teal-Purple)
    Childhood Cancer Awareness Month (Gold)
    Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month (Teal)
    Leukemia Awareness Month (Orange)
    Lymphoma Awareness Month (Lime Green)
    Sickle Cell Awareness Month (Burgundy)
    Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month (Teal)
    Prostate Cancer Awareness Month (Light Blue)
    National Alopecia Awareness Month (Blue)
    Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month (Pink-Teal-Purple)

    Then there are awareness colors. Our organization has a medium bright green for our Awareness Ribbon but over the years, others have chosen this color as well.

    September is PBC Awareness Month. This is the disease awareness effort I most relate to. Thank you to The Mighty for allowing me to add my day to the ever-growing list to be aware of. #Pbc #pbcers