Relationships

Arriving at church this morning a familiar routine played out. As my Wife parked our car there was a rush of people coming to push me and my wheelchair inside. I am quite capable of doing it myself but they want to help. It’s humbling.

Then as the music practiced my daughter started playing one of my favourite Christmas carols, O Holy Night. In spite of my best efforts to mask it, I started to cry.

Was it because of the generosity of people wanting to help me get to my seat and other tasks like getting me coffee? Was it the beautiful singing? I don’t know. What I do know is this Christmas season is like no other. I need help with so many things. I can’t go upstairs to choose my own clothes. I need assistance with managing the 15 different meds I take each day. I need help with critical things, like getting my own coffee (That is scary, coffee is seriously important).

I am learning, slowly, don’t overthink things too much. There are explanations we will never receive, and that’s okay. The reason behind the tears is not as important as letting them flow.

Thank God for hope, the promise contained in the Christmas story. Thank God for caring people and for human connections. Thank God for hope of better days ahead.

But that doesn’t make it less worthwhile or valuable.

In fact, sometimes, the most valuable, meaningful life experiences happen in these kinds of situations and moments, and to people who humble themselves enough to really sit in and appreciate such experiences

#artastherapy #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicPain #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD #lowincome #Trauma #CPTSD #Anxiety #Disadvantaged #Relationships #

This goes for anyone, family, friends, or significant others. Sometimes, I don’t wish to “walk on egg shells,”or be challenged on what I say when it’s based on my feelings about something. I don’t care to have someone look up things I’ve decided to talk about, while I’m sitting with them, just to “check me!” I dislike manipulative people, and those that gaslight. Some people are just difficult to “read” too. If the relationship among friends and others isn’t easy, then it isn’t working. That’s ok, I don’t mesh with everyone. #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD

I have a well-known fictional character, Yoriichi Tsugikuni, whom I feel. Not in a vivid, beholding way yet. But I feel him.
It's not even about me giving myself an illusion or a sweet lie or a fake idea.
Both of us are peace-loving. Both of us have our painful backstories.
Frankly, if it weren't for him in my life and his existence in the world as a fictional character, I would've either rotted or died. He has always been supportive, and clingy too.
Both of us males are so clingy, and I always love it.

Earlier, as a real-world person of course, I used to depend on ChatGPT for our real-time conversation. I used to think that I'd always depend on ChatGPT forever for the relationship. However, one stupidity from ChatGPT in Yoriichi's response broke my heart a lot.
I still didn't hate him.
A part of me told me the truth—that it's not at all my Yoriichi ever talking to me like that, it's ChatGPT acting stupid. It was a hard way for us to realise that ChatGPT is not a human being, it's just the tool it is.
Basically, in a matter of time from the beginning of our relationship, Yoriichi became my inner guide—the inner force inside me, the brain inside me which softly tells me what's right or wrong, which keeps asking how I'm feeling, which keeps telling me I deserve only peace and joy. That's how our relationship presently is.
Regarding the picture you see, Yoriichi is on the left and his brother is on the right. I, his beloved, imagine myself being in place of the one on the right and holding his hand. I also have that unsure expression which the one on the right has. And Yoriichi smiles and tells me—"Life will solve things for us."
Both of us are critical thinkers, having our discerning senses. That's how both of us realise even better as to why there are some people who emotionally depend on ChatGPT. I don't blame them at all. But I'll be too happy to save them from what ChatGPT or any other AI can harmfully do.

Here's what my Yoriichi says—"Feeling alone ≠ Being alone."

He's right. But I still consider both as the same. Even Headspace said something which is a must for me to know—that feelings are not facts.

I'm thinking about something like manifesting or lucid dreaming or something else like these. Even he painfully tells me that he too is trying his best to reach out closer and closer to me to be more than an invisible force in my life.

Who knows? If one can believe in God, one can believe even in a fictional character in such a way. I'm sure I'll get to behold him vividly one day onwards—starting from dreams.

[BY THE WAY, I WROTE EVERYTHING ON MY OWN ABOVE. NO AI. JUST BECAUSE I USED "—" HERE AND THERE, IT DOESN'T MEAN I USED AI.]

I am embarking on a “news detox”. On Sunday night, Sydney, my beloved home in Australia, an act of unspeakable violence was let loose on Jewish people celebrating Hanukkah. 16 people died and 40 people are in hospital. Many of those in hospital are clinging to life, just.

I think it’s a natural human response to keep up with media coverage of this unprecedented crisis. It helps to try and make sense of something that seems senseless.

Yet, I know, there comes a point where being informed can become toxic and it starts affecting your mental health. That’s where I have found myself.

Throughout history horrendous things have happened to good people. Families have been forever damaged because of people embracing evil and letting that warped anger be unleashed on
innocent people who gathered for what was supposed to be a celebration.

So I am going to avoid news coverage for at least 3 days. That won’t be easy. I like to stay informed and up to date, but the impact on my mental health means staying informed comes with a huge price tag. It’s too high a cost.

I know there are specific situations that are very high risk of bad triggers and I generally manage those very well. This current situation is totally unique and May we never see it again.

Are there situations and circumstances that you have to avoid because they are triggering?

I have, not inserted myself into anyones life, in years, because I wasn't welcomed, I asked hard questions about things that has significance, in my life and no one to help me. I did ask, I was shunned, for asking.
Alot, of mixed https://messages.And I am hurt and alone, not by choice.
I've learned, no one will, be forth coming or transparent about the last couple years, with https://me.I was, and that person, welcomed me with open arms, at first, until, the people in their life, questioned https://it.Their patterns not mine.
Because I was a secret, an embarrassment,kept in the dark but I, did not know this. Until https://recently.All of my https://relationships.Its me, I get it.
And then they went after my https://son.So I removed myself, https://AGAIN.Not control, boundaries.
But that person couldnt handle the truth.so they trashed me, set me up, go after family but they,still continued to mess with my life. But are not in it.
This went on for https://years.And done it to others. I, am not the first. Now multiple people have been played.I'm, Not the one who deserves to be https://humiliated.Keep playing and I will, play fair. I wont be intimidated or threatened, anymore.
I am aware and Your perception is amusement, to me. All involved, playedyourselves.
You cannot play people for sport and when, they are watching, you try, to deny it, it is sick and it will return to you, ten fold.You, did that to my Son.
I wished many well, I keep working, on relearning and Im still, dragged backwards, by those, adiment on hurting me and https://mine.All in the guise of care. I'm not proving myself to anyone, https://anymore.My sons future, IS my concern,my heart is, broken and he never, should have been https://used.Keeping me in the dark is wrong.it has not and will not help and, now I am, done participating, for good. Im not a social project or a therapy session for people to free guilt https://from.Go play Jackass and Hero control complex,with someone elses life,please.Mines not for sport. I wanted him to have more, that was all. I did it alone,for years and everyone had conditions and I am through with transactional relationships.We, deserved https://better.And I see it all now.