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Things haven’t got better

I wish I could say things had got better, but they’ve gotten worse. We aren’t on talking terms (despite my numerous attempts), and I’ve had my eyes opened to the fact that he’s never once asked how I was and that his parents are more invested in me than he is.

I’ve got to live with this dude. I wish I was joking. At the time it didn’t seem like a bad idea, but with the way he’s treated me after the breakup I don’t see it as something that’s mentally going to do me any favours. I’m going to see him next week and may use it as an opportunity to confront him. My friend says he’ll just gaslight me though, so I’m not sure.

I don’t know if it’s the stress, but I’ve gone through a flare up with postnasal drip and dysgeusia (the latter being as a result of long COVID). It’s horrible. Everything tastes of petrol, and I’m constantly having stuff run down my throat. Also had a bad attack of pain the other day where voltarol didn’t want to work.

In other news, I’ve started packing for my move and have registered at a new GP surgery. There was a lot to fill in in the form and I forgot some stuff so I had to call and then email them with the stuff I missed. I’m concerned about my prescriptions, I hope they’ll just transfer over.

#longcovid #COVID19 #mentalabuse #gaslight #moving #Stress #breakup #dread #Anxiety #Pain #ChronicPain #relocating

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Rush of emotions

These past two days have been pretty rough for me... Just three days ago I was packing all my things, getting ready to move across the country and start fresh...

Earlier this week, I went to my last therapy session with my recent therapist and explained to her how I couldn’t wait to finally relocate and begin this new chapter of my life. I also explained how everyone I know was rooting for me and showering me with love and positivity.

But then Thursday came around and I found out that my new employer wouldn’t be able to give me an exact start date just yet and it could be about a month before I can begin working (and that’s not even including when I would finally get my first pay check). I was also told that I would be taking a severe pay cut.. which I had no idea about since I was told I would be getting paid the same as I do now.

Hearing those things made me feel discouraged. It made me wonder if God was giving me a sign to not go, to not put myself in that position... already knowing that me and my significant other were on a rocky road did not make me feel any better... I started to get a very unsettling feeling about the move.

Throughout all of this, I received news about my childhood best friend passing away. The news really hurt me, especially considering the fact that I knew there were times that he felt more rainstorms than sunshine.

I expressed my feelings about everything in a complete meltdown to my boyfriend and he said that he would talk about everything that night and that he fully supports whatever decision I make; whether I make the move now and figure it out from there -or- wait it out until I get a better and more stable job offer... that was something I really needed to hear and I was grateful for that response... but later that night things went south with him and I felt as if that was the icing on the cake...

Could it be that, that last argument between us both was all I needed to finally open my eyes about relocating? That timing really is everything?

Today I contacted my boss and let them know my situation with the potential new employer and luckily enough my job welcomed me back with open hands... and requested I resubmitted my resume for a raise...

God... I don’t know what your plan is... but I will not doubt you anymore...

#relocating #Anxiety #Depression #Work #Lucky #Relationships #startingover #hurt #Grief #Childhood #Love