#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #sza #Schizophrenia #Autism #Autistic #AutisticAdults #Aspergers #neurodiverse #Neurodiversity #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #MentalHealth #SchizophreniaQuestions #Depression #Disability #Hope #Christianity
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in high school, currently I’m being treated for autism disorder and schizoaffective disorder.
I never really thought that I’d struggled with schizoaffective disorder until I received the diagnosis. It was terrifying for me. I was going through completing a Master’s and gradually I started feeling like I was losing my sense of self. I was thinking things that I don’t normally do, one example and I’m glad that I have it but I can look back to Spotify Top 100 playlists of the year. And I can see that my thinking was not doing great the years that I got my diagnosis and was recovering.
I can remember thinking unusual thoughts like I was a God or doing things on the level of a god. I used to spend most of my time focused on trying to influence the weather or in trying to find secret meaning in posts and news articles, trying to collect research articles on weather or other conspiracies. I wasn’t in a good place. I also drank a lot of alcohol which I know isn’t a great idea, but at the time I thought that it would exacerbate the symptoms of the weather having unusual events (which was some proof for me that I was a God or doing things on that level).
While I’m glad that I had the support of family, I don’t currently get along great with my father - he terrifies me. I feel like he has the perspective mental health isn’t really a thing nor is being on the autism spectrum (which is the other major diagnosis that I have). I can see that he wants me to be as independent and successful as I can. But he has such a menacing aura, I struggle talking with him and try to stay clear as much as I can.
My last major episode was a couple of months back in August/September 2022, I thought that people from major corporations like Amazon were controlling me like using stomach sounds like a clicker/trigger to try to create entertainment or media which I didn’t like. I feel like my symptoms weren’t as bad as I can look through playlists and realize that mostly my thinking was OK. But there were still residual I wasn’t doing OK. I think doing talk therapy and my Dad getting a prescription for abilify had helped and I feel like mostly since then I’ve been managing normally.
I’m currently working a job as a dishwasher which I know isn’t a lifelong or hopefully I’d work towards a job that would be a closer fit. To be honest I had a lot of anxiety when I was starting, as I had difficult experiences with the last job that I’d worked at, as a graduate assistant during my Master’s program. I have had a good experience the past week and I’m hoping to build my confidence and references so that I can apply for better positions. One benefit is that having a job will allow me to earn the income so that I can seek housing through an autism waiver and move out. Something that my father and I both want.
I feel like the abilify and talk therapy have helped, I realize that my conditions are lifelong but they help to make things more manageable. I’m grateful for the community on The Mighty and getting to share my story with you guys.