StillTrying

Thank you everyone for sharing encouragement and advice for my first appointment with a psychiatrist. I just got off the phone call with him and I am so grateful to say that he was really kind and listened very well. He prescribed a low dose of an SNRI for me. I have previously tried taking three different SSRIs, so this will be new. I am ready to try it and hopeful that it will help. I can't really even imagine my life any differently at this point, but I know change is possible. ❤️

#Psychiatrist #Firsttime #MentalHealth #Medication #Depression #Anxiety #StillTrying

I have gotten myself stuck in a place where I can insulate myself from most triggers because I have withdrawn from most relationships and activities. It feels safe-ish because I have the illusion of control.

I was beating myself up for not trying harder to heal when I realized that a big thing holding me back is just not knowing what might happen. Like, what if I did try playing the guitar or writing a message to that friend or journalling for five minutes or offering to help someone? All these things have resulted in being triggered before, usually not major, but still triggered. So my mind is telling me that if even relatively benign activities like these can be triggering, then I am absolutely doing the right thing by just shutting everything down.

I was starting to make some headway through therapy in the autumn, but then my therapist seriously retraumatized me and now it feels harder than ever. Yesterday, I wrote a post about how I am "still trying" and I guess this post is part of that effort.

How do you move on? How do you get out of being stuck?

Oh yeah, did I mention that any kind of system or routine also feels really unsafe to me?

#StillTrying #trigger #stuck
#Depression #Anxiety #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #theunknownisScary

Tonight, I made myself a fancy dinner and dessert, took a candlelit bubble bath, and finished off with an oat milk lavender latte (no coffee involved).

Even so, I'm lying here wondering what the point is of living another year.

I want to invalidate the positive things I do and am doing for myself because of these feelings, but the fact is that I am still trying. I haven't given up hope yet that maybe something could change or get better.

I don't feel that continuing to try is anything good, but I am writing this to force some positive self talk and maybe to encourage someone else out there who is in the same boat.

It's not over yet. There is still some hope. Will you keep trying with me? Cause I really need the company. ❤️

#NewYear #StillTrying #Selftalk #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma

#CheckInWithMe #StillTrying # Anxious Depression