Suicidal Thoughts

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I’ve written many posts on this, so I won’t go into detail of each individual thing. I think I hate this city. I feel like not even this city tolerates well to neurodivergent folk/folx like me. No city does. I’ve been threatened, accused, bullied, and misunderstood numerous times (even at a fucking hotel to the point where I had a fucking meltdown), I can no longer trust to go into any hotel now, and I can’t even get fucking disability payment no matter how much I poured my heart out on why I can’t work because the government is too fucking stubborn and ridiculous (and no, I cannot afford a lawyer because I’m not rich). My heart is fucking torn right now just thinking about it. It’s like they want us dead or something. Just for existing.

I hate it here. Am I really just going to be fucking homeless in my future because this damn capitalist society doesn’t give a shit about me? Should I just end it if that’s my future? Because I probably will if I ever have to deal with that shit. I’d rather be dead than sit with the feeling over how this society doesn’t give a fuck about me without a home. There would be no happiness anyway.

(Please refrain from calling me human (I have dysphoria, I’d rather not go into detail right now), please and thank you!)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #neurodivergent #Neurodivergency #Vent #triggerwarning #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

I used to go online and pretend to be other pretty girls to talk to attractive men and when all these men found out who I really was; I got called ugly. There was one guy in particular his name was Mike; he was a white guy with muscles, he called me ugly and fat. I got so much attention from men when I was posing as these pretty girls online when in reality when I am me, no attractive men talk to me or even pay interest in me. I hate the way I look. It sucks. Throughout my whole life men have rejected me. There are so many pretty girls out there that are depressed that I would love to look like. I just feel like I am different that I don’t look pretty like the other girls.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Disability #Selfharm #Anxiety #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #Psychosis #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Suicide #SuicidalThoughts #ChronicIllness #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Autism #AutismSpectrumDisorder