Suicidal Thoughts

some people can ask: “a victim of suicide?” cause they will automatically think that i’m not the victim, my mom was… probably, they will say that i’m crazy for saying this, but i’m not. I’M A VICTIM. my mom sentenced me. i have to deal with the emotional scars created by her decision for the rest of my life, and there no way to run of this.

I’M A VICTIM. this words and the change in perspective they brought regarding my mom’s suicide have changed my entire outlook on life. this can sound silly but i really don’t care. and before people go thinking that i view myself as nothing but a victim, playing the “poor me” card any chance i get — they’re wrong.

those words simply reinforced to me that what i had felt, and will continue to feel about the loss of my mommy is OK. not only is it OK, but it’s expected. accepted, even.

those words gave me a title, with them i could finally felt without shame. those words gave my emotions, my pain, my hurt, my anger, my sadness, my years of depression…they gave it all a title. i’ll explain: you know how people that are chronically sick without a diagnosis feel relief when a doctor is finally able to identify the disease attacking their body? they can finally explain the symptoms, they can finally get treatment, get better, hope returns to theirs lives. i can only guess i felt the same way.

i’m kamila. i’m a woman. i’m a daughter. i’m a sister. i’m a wife. i’m a friend. i’m a professional. i’m a fighter.
i’m a victim of suicide too. i’m so sorry for your lost.

#MentalHealth #Grief #SuicidalThoughts #BipolarDepression #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD