whatsnext

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I can’t even breathe some days, I made a career choice that I know is for me but hiding my emotions which I’m so good at till I explode I’m just exhausted. I try each day to be perfect and I can’t be I fail all the time I’m one person but I do the best I can. I don’t know what’s next or how to move forward. I’m working on healing and working o building my skill to cope with my PTSD my depression and my anxiety but I feel so far from it and yet I still need to function in the professional world as a professional and no one can know #ExhaustedAlways #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #whatsnext

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what do I do next? TN treatment Failure #TrigeminalNeuralgia

I am so frustrated and to be honest, angry too. I have lived with Trigeminal Neuralgia - types 1 and 2 - for nearly 14 years now. From the start I didn’t respond well to the medications used to treat TN - the tegretol and other anti-seizure meds turned me into zombies and didn’t impact my pain. I was 26 when I was diagnosed and all I wanted to do was keep working at the job I loved and find a way to banish this mind-numbing pain. with little pharmaceutical help to be had, I soon signed up for my first Microvascular Devompression surgery with Dr. Peter Jannetta. the surgery was successful for 7 days and we operated again one month later. that surgery lasted 4 four days. I went home frustrated, but determined to find other things to help me. I explored acupuncture, massage, changes in diet, new exercises and different medications. I tried Botox, a glycerin Rhyzotomy, nerve blocks and more. nothing worked. I returned to Dr. Jannetta for one more MVD In August of 2008. this surgery didn’t work at all. I gave up for a while and tried to learn to live with it, but things began getting worse the last few years and I decided to try a radio frequency ablation in November 2018. the procedure stopped my attacks for six months. my constant pain remained, but I was overjoyed. this was the first marked improvement I had seen since the onset of this disease. however, when the attacks returned, they were worse than before. So, I decided to try my luck and underwent the ablation a second time last week.
I entered the OR having attacks and left the OR having attacks. there was never any reprieve. My pain is excruciating. the attacks are nearly constant and with the numbness left from the procedure I am having a hard time eating, drinking and talking.
As I am slowly sharing this latest disappointment with my family and friends, their question is always what will you do now. that’s my question to all of you — if you were in my shoes, what would you do next? Where would you turn? I appreciate your ideas and input. I am feeling so lost right now.
#ChronicPain #Depression #whatsnext

4 comments
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The goal post got moved on me #FibromyalgiaDiagnosis #whatsnext #ChronicPain

I was diagnosed on Monday with fibromyalgia. It only hit me about 10 minutes ago that this is my life. There’s not going to be an easy fix.

I’ve been through all kinds of tests over the last 12 years and never really expected it to be something simple and easy to treat. But a small part of me held on to the possibility, and now that’s gone.

I waited so long to finally get a diagnosis that it was a relief. Albeit a short lived one. Now I just need to figure out where I go from here.

But first I think I need to give myself time to grieve the loss of that possibility, or I may get stuck in the “if only...” #StayPositive

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Last Day on the Job

The door is finally closed.

No encores, no swan song.

I had seen it coming for a while,

Now it’s been and gone.

There’s emotion and there’s grief

I’m guessing that it’s quite normal

After more than a decade in a chosen field

I’m allowed to feel informal.

I can now look back with joy

On all the things I have done

But I’m not to dwell on the “good ol’ days”

Making a home in the past is dumb.

Onwards and upwards and all that jazz

Seems just like empty clichés

When what I need now more than anything else

Is to know what my Father says.

So I pulled the car over and safely parked

I exclaimed “it’s the end!” as you do

When I then heard a familiar whisper

“Now you’ll see what I can do!”

Oh, may I be willing and courageous

When the time comes, may I be ready

May my time now be laying foundations

So that the next steps I take are steady.

Renew, restore, heal and breathe

Slow down and smell the roses

Trust in the One who’ll guide and lead

‘Cos He knows exactly what the go is.

So behold, He’s doing a new thing

Don’t dwell on the past anymore.

He’ll make the impossible possible,

And I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

(c) Mark Bryant 2018

#MightyPoets
#Anxiety
#Depression
#MentalHealth
#overcome
#journey
#chapter
#Job
#god
#whatsnext

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Birthday feelings

It’s almost my birthday and can’t help to feel this disgusting emptiness of why this pain never seems to end , I’ve been in rehab for a year and a half , I went out in July but my delusions , fears obsessions , paranoia and depression never go away . Wonder if I ever get to be genuinely happy . Another year , another year to keep fighting ... #BPD #birthdaysadness #Bipolar #tiredoffighting #whatsnext #inperu #Emptiness #strong

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How do you maintain a good balance with your mental health?

I'm not sure if the question is worded correctly. Essentially fighting to understand and accept your mental health struggles is one part of the battle, coping with it is another, but there's a third part not often discussed, what is life like once you've maintained that balance, and how do you try and keep that balance going. I, for one, have reached a place with my depression in which I no longer go to counselling, however I am having difficulty navigating my anxiety in this next phase. #Anxiety #coping #whatsnext #Depression #copingmechanisms

4 comments