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Just need someone to hear me and understand

I am sitting in my chair at the house with my loving loyal dogs with tears streaming down my face. I don’t think I even can explain all the emotions I am feelingrifht now. I am just home from another doctor appointment who was very pleased with themselves when they told me (one of so many) how healthy I am and how fortunate I am because all of their tests and questions lead to finding nothing. I am happy yet also furious. No one wants to help me figure out what’s going on with me. Just tell me to exercise more and things would be oh so much better. I have had the same basic symptoms come and go for 10+ years with the last 2 years getting so bad I have had to give up teaching and wasn’t even able to do it part time or anything else I trieed. Physically and mentally, I guess I just feel broken. The symptoms get worse and new ones add on. And I am so emotionally exhausted from the pain and the fact that I can’t do the things I want to that I am constantly angry at the people around me and feel worthless. I am seeing a therapist but haven’t found one who’s been able to help me cope with this part of my depression. My family loves me and provides the only support they k ow how. But I can’t take another well that’s wonderful they didn’t find anything wrong. I am screaming silently with frustration and pain and the agony of people’s expectations of me because everything’s “ok” me you look great this is the first time I posted and This is probably rambling but I just needed to get some of this out of me. Thanks for listening to my rant.
#Not understood

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I just want to b worthy #CheckInWithMe

Just say I love u to me so I don’t always say it first
Say goodbye bye to me when u leave don’t just leave
Say I’m pretty
Say I done a good job
Say ur proud of me
He’ll say thank you sometimes would b nice also !!!

I miss the one who mad me feel like the most priceless diamond even thought I wasn’t the only #CheckInWithMe #Broken #alonebutnotalone


recovering... again

Despite being on medication I still struggle can have severe manic episodes.... and of course when I'm done with the mania - a soul crushing low. I lost 8 pounds this week, had to miss work and now that I'm finally coming out of the emotional rollercoaster hell - I'm left humiliated for my manic behaviors, apologizing to anybody and everybody for just about anything. it's like a different person tool over my like for a week and now I have to pick up the pieces and restore the damage... again. it sucks and every time it happens I'm left more scared, more withdrawn and felling utterly defeated. I really hope I can get my meds to work for me soon.... and I hope I'm not alone #BipolarDepression #Medication #alonebutnotalone


I think I've found "my place" ♥️

The past couple days I've been searching for a forum that I feel is right. (everything I do, literally, has to FEEL right). I've welled up a few times in this last hour just rereading other's posts.
I've been struggling a lot the last few months. Got back on my meds today. I need to move upward. That downward spiral is a slippery slope I'm not willing to go through again.
I truly feel alone without anyone to talk to about my kids with BPD, my relationship and about my own issues. No one "gets" it. My mom passed away a few months ago. My siblings are all fighting with one another. My fiance is extremely negative. Even my very best friend doesn't understand .
I have hope I'll find someone on here who "gets it" the exact same way that I feel it.

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When your #Hypomania keeps you up until 5:00am and no one can understand why. You sit alone with you’re thoughts, half finished projects, slips of random pieces of paper and endless to do lists that seemed so vibrant, doable and full of life an hour ago. Now I sit in the dead of night, #alone , in a house full of people. They think I can #getsomerest or #takeyourmeds and go sleep. Like that will make a difference. All I want to do is finish one thing, just one so that I can say I was productive. #nooneunderstands How could they? Only I can hear the voice of #Mania roaring through my head at night. When I’m all alone with these bright pieces of paper and my pens. Now I’m #depressed because I have nothing to show of my #hypomanicepidode .