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    Not cleaning my apartment is keeping me alive #SuicidalIdeation

    A few weeks ago, I shared with my therapist that I was feeling a lot of shame about the state of my apartment. If I'm doing well, I clean the bathroom once a month. I am usually somewhat tidy in the kitchen. The rest of the apartment is a mess. My landlords don't provide recycling facilities and I can't bring myself to put my recycling items in the garbage so they just pile up. I have bags of non-perishable groceries sitting in the middle of the entryway from three weeks ago because I just haven't cared to put them away.
    So as I cried about how ashamed I was about my apartment in my therapist's office, she asked if having a messy apartment was helping me in any way. Frankly, I thought that was a stupid question and told her that of course it wasn't.
    However, I had the realization a few days ago that it is actually something that a part of me is doing to keep me from ending my life. I would feel so terrible for someone to have to clean up my apartment after I was gone. By keeping it dirty and messy, I am also keeping myself alive.
    I definitely have a significant battle between the part of me that feels ashamed in the present and the protective part of me that is stopping me from cleaning up, but it is really good to know that it might actually be a good thing to have a dirty apartment.

    #tenant #apartment #home #Cleaning #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Therapy #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Shame


    I'm dealing with a lot

    I'm dealing with a lot my brother won't let anything go he's most of the time in bad mood. I'm caregiver and taking care of my mom who's every sick but getting better. We're currently living in 1 rm hotel rm and that has seen better days. Can't get apartment until we fix the problem w previous landlord who posted unfair charges on fr previous tenant that they had. Just to practice my coding and deal w my mental health and learning disabilities while working any help or advice anyone can offer I need. #ChronicFatigueSyndromeampME #apartment #landlord #MentalHealth #Dyslexia


    Bedroom Makeover Ideas

    So I'm in self-isolation for the next week due to contact with a confirmed positive case of you-know-what. I don't have any symptoms at all. Fortunately, my boss has accommodated me to do some work from home, but I don't have much to do.

    While I'm sitting here, I'm thinking about my bedroom. I don't really like it. It's bigger than I would prefer. The bed is not so comfortable and is a queen size whereas I would prefer a twin/single size. The window has blinds but no curtains. I'm renting, and also don't have much of a decorating budget.

    Does anyone have any good ideas to make a bedroom feel more cozy, inviting, and peaceful?

    #creativity #interiordecorating #apartment #COVID19 #MentalHealth