Dismissed as an ED sufferer because of my chronic illness…
I’ve always had an extremely hard time validating myself, feeling like I “deserve” a diagnosis, any diagnoses, because I’m probably “just faking.” I’ve gotten way better in my last few years of treatment for anxiety/depression/CPTSD. But my struggles with validating my eating disorder (OSFED, closely resembling Atypical Anorexia), has been a major issue. Despite the fact that I haven’t had a period in many years and I have extreme fatigue all the time, have a panic attack when I try to eat anything new, hide my body and cry when I have to be seen in public in what I view as a “grotesque” physique, restrict at every opportunity, and that I frequently attempt purging, I can’t get over the fact that I haven’t lost tons of weight. It feels embarrassing, and like I don’t deserve help because I’m “not that bad.”
I finally got a therapist who perfectly matches what I need. To help us get a full picture of what I’ve got going on, my new therapist asked if I would consider getting a full psych eval with one of the people in her office, which I agreed to.
His conclusion was that, because I have a chronic illness (a tethered spinal cord from birth), I don’t have an eating disorder, it’s just that “it’s harder for me to eat because it makes my stomach upset.” Which it does not. I have almost no dietary restrictions. He also told me “if you don’t want to eat for half the day, go for it!” Sir, I am in ED recovery.
I’m very devastated, I feel like no one in the ED care community will take my case seriously. Thankfully, my therapist is very much on my side and said that she completely disagrees. But it’s left me with so much more anxiety about what others will think of me. How ridiculous I am to put myself in the same category of people with “real issues.”
Anyway, this is my first time posting, so hopefully this wasn’t too much. Thank you for listening