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A slow come back #MentalHealth #PTSD #ECT #EDNOS

Since October 2021 my life has been radically different. October 2021 I couldn’t stop the stress induced hallucinations of ending my life and dissociating constantly. I put my hands up at life and said mercy.

I was admitted to a psychiatric unit, which wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time I was given a chance to have a life again…or so I was told.

I was offered ECT on a silver platter that was made to look so beautiful and enticing. I was told this would be my life saving treatment. I was not told however, about the side effects that became very real and apparent in my life after discharge.

Fast forward to April 2022, I was admitted to a different hospitals program. This program is at an old hospital I had been to before, and my previous experience was horrifying.

This time around it’s teaching me that change is actually possible…I know it’s weird I’m actually saying that! When I say this hospital changed it’s protocol ENTIRELY, I mean it. Every day I’m still blown away that this is the same hospital as before. Im so grateful it’s crazy!

I had a good day today which scares me because I don’t want this feeling to be ripped away, I don’t experience the good days often.

Im taking control of it though and doing my best to keep my head up. A BHS (behavioral health staff/therapist) started one of the groups closer to the end of our programming day. This group topic was a hard one, self compassion. I start listening like normal and then there were certain words I heard that felt like they hit my soul.

I felt seen and immediately all of my attention was focused. It was a moment where things I struggle with everyday but don’t get to go into, had been brought into the topic.

I struggle severely with dissociation as I have been doing it my whole life without knowing there was a term for it. I didn’t know that not everyone has complete other worlds in their heads. Not everyone had to learn the trick of being dead and alive at the same time for survival, when they were just a very young child.

A later diagnosis of DID made so much sense. DID though isn’t as common as the anxiety/depression part that’s mainly talked about as we have to keep things vague. So I have certain issues that don’t get much attention and that’s okay because there are other areas where I haven’t gotten help, that are getting help now.

But DAMN is it like a splash of cool water on your face when dissociation and dissociative defense mechanisms are brought up in a lesson!

I got pulled from the group by my case manager/therapist so I missed the rest of group but was able to quickly ask if I could further speak about this topic at a later time with this BHS. They said of course and that made my heart…happy? I think that’s what that is. Otherwise I would say it just filled me with such gratitude.

One person can make such a big impact. This person hearing me and seeing me where I’m at, made my day a good day. And for some reason I felt like writing again. I even sang on my drive home.

It may start off slow and frustrating when you’re navigating your recovery from square one again, but slow and steady has always won the race.

Taking it one day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time, it’s all we can do.

Trust the process and lean in.


Just wanted to check on how much detail I can post about #EDNOS thoughts/behaviours/etc

Hi 👋 so I don’t have a diagnosed #eatingdisorder but I know that I do have one (I’ve known a long time but I’ve not had any support from professional people, long story) a diagnosis isn’t exactly necessary (but would help with things like hashtags!) and because I am literally trying to do it all on my own, I still need to ask about some things that would be ‘triggering’ to others. And I don’t want to upset anyone, ever. So what are the limits, how much detail am I able to go into, in a post here? I’m not ‘asking for tips’ on how to make my #EDNOS worse (I’m using that tag as I have no other) I am not ‘pro’ anything, but maybe if I can ask some questions (like, does anyone else think this way, is ‘x’ a form of purging, advice on how to start helping myself etc) I can gain some more clarity and maybe then go back to my doctor and readdress the issue, or at the very least, understand myself more.
Any advice would be hugely welcomed
Thank you ❤️

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YES! Nothing angers me more than someone saying another person doesn't "look" like they have an eating disorder 😡

As someone who struggles with multiple eating disorders and lives in a body that has changed sizes numerous times, I 100% agree with this statement. Let's get rid of the notion that anyone has to "look" a certain way to have an eating disorder. Eating disorders are primarily mental illnesses which can affect the body physically, and there is no such thing as needing to be "sick enough" to get treatment for an eating disorder. Your struggle is valid, I see you, and I'm here for you 💖 YOU'RE BODY'S APPEARANCE DOES NOT DICTATE YOUR QUALIFICATION FOR TREATMENT AND AWARENESS! #BulimiaNervosa #AnorexiaNervosa #OSFED #AtypicalAnorexia #EDNOS #BingeEatingDisorder #Avoidant /RestrictiveFoodIntakeDisorder

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Going With The Flow Today By Changing My Mindset

After leaving my relationship last week, and moved in with my best friend, I decided I would start a whole new routine. I know I’ve had tendencies,in the past, that I’d end up sitting in front of the tv, depressed. Disassociated, and consumed with why it didn’t work out. I cannot say that I don’t love the man I’ve lived with for the past three years. I do! It’s been so stressful, due to my mental health crisis’s this past year, that I had two failed suicide attempts. Making that four total. I realize I’ve been doing everything so wrong, and was so stuck in a deep depression. This past year, whenever I was having mania or depression, the waves were so high and so very low. I brought the toxicity that I wasn’t able to get out of. So this last time we had an argument, I didn’t panic like usual. I didn’t have that deep heartache, and low self worth that makes me feel worthless. I did what I said I’d do, if we had a fight over drinking. I should tell you that he had said I couldn’t go two weeks without drinking. He said if I did, then I’d have to leave willfully. So I was at 12 days, and we had just came up the mountain with our grocery run. It had been a long day, and I was putting away the food. A beer was open, and in the fridge. I didn’t even think, and took a couple sips. Well, that was another blow to him. I just started to packing my bags, having this routine being the constant ritual in every fight. So this time, he didn’t have to kick me out. I left. This time it’s different. I know he’s not able to understand what I’m dealing with, because it’s so difficult to explain. I have #CPTSD #Bipolar 1, #EDNOS , #Anxiety , #Depression #mental Health
Anyway, I have known that I cannot continue on this path, since I’m the one that’s been struggling for years, and brought this into our relationship. So I made the change. I am doing something good for myself today. I slept so good for the first time, and have had a couple days to adjust to my new place. Thank goodness I have the most amazing best friend, and that she understands me. She’s the only person who knows what I’m trying to achieve, yet when I’m misunderstood, I panic. My #panic leads to a full blown #CPTSDinrelationships attack, and he is witnessing what I’ve already experienced. I’m finally doing something about it. It’s not fair for him that I have these attacks. He just wanted it to stop. He wants a future, and he does so much for me. He can’t help me get out of whatever is happening, and sometimes I think it’s #Psychosis . It was happening way to often. Even my hikes alone wouldn’t be enough to calm me down. So, now I’m here a few days. Finally slept through the night. I’m not hurting or in pain. I got that all out a couple nights ago, on the phone with him. I just let out all my pain. I shared how hard it is to be falling apart in front of someone, and they couldn’t see it. He just didn’t understand how his responses would #trigger me. So I’m taking time for myself. For Us. Yoga IS Next!

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What personal internalized beliefs have you challenged? #mymightylife

I’ve struggled with severe body dysmorphia for over ten years and various eating disorders for the past six or seven. This year in the midst of the pandemic, I hit not one but two major recovery goals. Last night I looked in the mirror at my bare self, and not only saw what was there but I also loved what I saw. I could have cried because that’s such a monumental step and I once didn’t think it was possible. It’s making me challenge everything else that I thought wasn’t possible at one point-- goals, dreams and personal belief systems.

What personal internalized beliefs have you challenged? #mymightylife #EatingDisorders #EDNOS


Hard time accepting

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #PTSD #EDNOS #ADHD
I’ve been told I have DID but parts of me don’t believe it. Has anyone else run into this? It’s like I don’t want it to be true. I know my parts were created to protect me but it’s all just ...weird I guess.


Support Resource #EDNOS #EatingDisorders #BingeEatingDisorder #BulimiaNervosa #AnorexiaNervosa

There is meal and general support from professionals for those struggling with EDs on Instagram at @covid19eatingsupport


#EatingDisorders #Anxiety

Is anyone else having problems with their eating disorder flaring up with all this chaos we are having in the world rt now? I was somewhat recovering from mine until I started to feel so chaotic. #EDNOS #


When Better Is A Jouney, Not A Destination

Somehow, after successfully completely two different treatment programs, attending years of consistent therapy, finding a helpful combination of meds, and being incredibly open about my story and diagnoses, I somehow began to operate under this unspoken pressure to be “better.”

With the holiday season and now the arrival of the long awaited “2020” year, I noticed something. By advocating for therapy and the freedom to feel and express emotions, I started to place this barrier between . I often talk about how finishing treatment and taking my meds doesn’t mean I never struggle - it just means I now have more tools to handle bad days. Yet, for some reason, when bad days come, I feel this weight of condemnation. I catch myself saying “This should not be happening.” When I am symptomatic, I hate myself for having an illness. With the new release of my debut single as an artist, of my hopeful anthem “This Is It” and the almost completion of my EP Brave Enough, I have become aware of an intensifying need to be “better.” Better in this use of the word doesn’t mean “improvement” - it means “cured” and “perfect” and “beyond that whole ‘mental illness thing’.

One of my favorite things I learned in treatment was the existence of dialectics, a world in which two distinct things need not be mutually exclusive. Sometimes I don’t treat myself like I can live in that world, while simultaneously giving everyone else the grace to live there. Lately, I’ve been treating myself like I can’t be encouraging and inspirational and also struggle, like I can’t be better and still in the process of healing, and like I can’t sing life into hopeless places and sometimes have doubt myself. So, to combat this, I decided to connect with others who know this plight. I decided to not isolate myself from people with minds and heart ssimilar to mine. It’s somewhat intimidating... AND I can be hesitant and still be brave. I’d love to build connections with others who might feel like this too. I know I’m not the only one. Today, I join the community. #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CyclothymicDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #MoodStabilizers #AnorexiaNervosa #AtypicalAnorexia #BulimiaNervosa #EDNOS #OSFED #progressnotperfection #ResidentialTreatment #Inpatient #IntensiveOutpatientProgram #PartialHospitalizationProgram #Selfharm #stability #Isolation #Music #MightyPoets #MightyMusic