In therapy for anxiety and panic, they tell me, "Focus on what is in your control. Let go of what is not in your control."
Focus on what I control.
I control my breath.
I control my actions during each moment.
I control my speech and how I interact with others.
I control whether I make and attend my doctors appointment.
I control whether I ask for everything that I need from the doctor.
I control whether I send that information to the social worker on time.
I control myself.
Let go of what I do not control.
I do not control my illnesses.
I do not control the fact that I am disabled.
I do not control whether or not they believe that I am disabled.
I do not control how much money they believe I need.
I do not control when that money will get to me.
I do not control my ability to consistently meet my most basic needs.
I do not control myself.
Before telling me how to cope with anxiety and panic, I am going to need any therapist coaching me to have experienced the threat of not being in control of meeting your most basic needs.
Because there is some value to focusing on what I do control and setting aside what I cannot control. However, when what is out of my control are aspects of my own humanity that should never be allowed to be controlled by others, I am going to need that injustice acknowledged and validated. I am going to need my feelings of rage and despair to be given the space to exist and be processed appropriately.
Yes, I will let it go.
No, I will not do it without expressing emotional distress and processing my trauma through a variety of different therapies.
#ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Therapy #Autonomy