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One (RANT) DAY at a TIME

I’ll have #Gooddays & I’ll have bad, though I’m still constantly struggling with my #innerself daily. There are a lot of things I know I have to do, but either my #Anxiety gets worked up, or I’ll try to get it done, or I tell and/or give myself reminders & still somehow end up forgetting about it or I’ve become distracted.

I’ve noticed that my train of thought can now go all over the place. Which is why I now have a lot of notebooks that I could use if I needed to let it out.

When it comes to phone calls I need to make, or appointments to schedule… I spend hours worrying about the #Start - #during - & #End of the whole thing. Before I know it, I can’t call because they’re now closed. Of course now I’ve become #Irritated & #angry at myself.

It never used to be this hard. I know I need to find a job, even IF the job I had #terminated me in part of my #MentalIllness . I feel stuck with no #Positivity in site. & It doesn’t help that even with or without my anxiety ramping up, my #Pride will not let me ask for help.

•I give myself a ‘thumbs up’ daily for getting out of bed.
• I cheer when I have motivation to shower.
• I pat myself on the back, in my mind of course… when I do laundry & put them away.

I still struggle with driving anywhere if I’m alone. Hunter, who is my furbaby soulmate, but also my #esa is always by my side, & either one of my sons or sometimes both would join me so I’m not freaking out while driving on the road.

I feel #Guilt that I’m not being the mom that they need me to be. I feel bad every single time I ask them for help (when I’m getting #overwhelmed trying to tidy up the house). I am mad that my #breakdown caused me to fail in my performance at work & that I #Struggled to do the things they asked of me (because I was never informed from the start that there was info that they could show me & help me with #FMLA ‘cause it would’ve been easy back then to get things in order than it was a couple of months ago). I felt #invisible . I felt my #Voice didn’t matter. I tried… all by myself… in the end, the company I loved working at didn’t give a … about me.

I’m sorry for ranting about nonsense. :(

8 reactions 1 comment

I am so annoyed right now. I kept getting calls from my doctor saying I needed to schedule my appointment so I called them to verify why I kept getting called. They told me I was on the schedule for today 08/25/2022. I waste my time and money getting to the doctor to find out that I’m actually not in the schedule for today. The person I spoke with weeks prior misread todays date for last year’s. My doctor wasn’t even in the office today. So there was no point in trying to fight to be seen today anyway. Now I have to wait till October 🙃 I am beyond irritated. Doesn’t help that this migraine I have is literally hurting so badly. Today can suck it. #Irritated #Annoyed #doctorapointments #Migraine


Autism Rant #Caregiver #Parent #ASD #speech challenge #frustrated #Irritated #triggeralert

I feel like I live in an alternate dimension reading about all these “surprise autism diagnoses “ as adults all these temple grandins who are business people in relationships acting etc.. let me tell you about my experience. My son is six. He uses a hone version of a soma bed because he has zero safety awareness. He sleeps naked cause he can’t deal with Pjs god only knows we try . He owes in his bed almost every night (usually in his balled up pjs after he takes them off) he speaks minimally . He frustrates painfully- he has so much inside him that he can’t get out. He can’t tolerate a toothbrush. He needs outrageous amounts of visual stimuli think two iPads at all times with competing YouTube clips. His behavior is challenging on a good day - forget a mask I can’t often get him to wear a seatbelt. So either I’m the worst mother ever, my kid is the sickest out there, no one is honest or autism is over diagnosed I’m so frustrated by tbe dilution of services for the I/dd population by kids in mainstream environments.
Apologies if I hurt someone feelings
#rant #nojudgement #trigger #ASD #specialed #I /dd


I passed 6/8 courses despite being on chemo last year, yet the university hates me

Apparently I need to motivate to the university why I failed two courses and why I should be allowed to register this year to finish my degree. Apparently being on chemo isn't a good enough reason to feel insurmountably ill and fail two courses. I'm so annoyed. #University #Irritated #Annoyed


#Irritated #Parenting #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

My kid will be 6 this month. I love her unconditionally, and shes great but GOD she is all UP ON ME ALL THE TIME! I can't do ANYTHING without her in my personal space! This includes using the bathroom and sleeping....i can't make a phone call or answer a text message in peace. Since we live in my moms home, I am judged and criticized for anything I do or dont do...I'm looking for a job to get my own place, but this is challenging due to the fact that concentrating is only possible after shes asleep, and my mom says I stay up too late. I'm so over my flippin family!


#unsettled #Irritated

absolutely nothing is happening. things are “supposedly” calm. no one has to be anywhere, it’s an over all lazy day. so why do I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin and can’t settle. I feel irrationally angry for no real reason. I hate feeling this way.