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Time to #putonthemask

After going through a medication change and struggling through depression and all kinds of other my husband seems to be depressed. The kids are super needy, my meds are still in transition so I’m more down than usual. But guess what. I’m a mom. There’s no break. I also work from home full time. In a very emotionally draining yet rewarding job. How do I rejuvenate in the 30 mins I get to get myself ready for work? #Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety
#Depression #PTSD #medicationmanagement


Medication management

A lot of people in mental health have problems taking their medication. My problem is that I love taking my medication. With not distinction between the controlled or uncontrolled substances.
For almost half a year now, my pharmacy has been filling my medication into a lockbox. Which has been helping so much. I get my meds, correctly once a day. For $20 a month.
This month, they did not lock it properly. I could of just gone and told them. I should of. But no, I didn't do that.
I mean my first thought was, you don't need to do this and I meant it but I said to myself fuck you... and I have screwed myself.
I can no longer trust the pharmacy.
I just texted my best friend. I told him I messed up again tonight. He has known. I asked for help. I told him I would follow his rules unwavering.
We came up with a framework for a plan.
A 31 day medication planner, 30 minutes a day for me to talk to him about how I feel about sobriety (although it's not quite that, it's more like an OCD tick for any pill) but I suppose sobriety nonetheless and I thought I would start a journal about it. Also, we would get a lockbox, since I stay at his place so often. And the $20 a month, I would put aside. #medicationmanagement #Askingforhelp #Sobriety #Psychmeds #takingmeds #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #SubstanceUseDisorders #SubstanceAbuse #SubstanceMisuse

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Medication Time #Medication #medicationmanagement #BipolarDepression

This is a weekly ritual that I used to loath. Hated it. Was ashamed of it. I’m not anymore. Even though I have been prescribed more medication, I’ve found belief in myself that if I can function with the aid of these little pills, my chemical composition isn’t too far away from being in equilibrium 🤞 These daily dose boxes are a god send too as I was always unsure if I had/hadn’t taken my meds 💊 #MentalIllnessStigma #BipolarDepression #Depakote #Mirtazapine #ramipril

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Charting Again!

I’ve posted a couple of my charts in the past. This one is to help keep record of the medication and supplements that I take. This is for the purpose of my loved ones to be able to properly care for me in times of crisis or lockdown (depression crashes). This will ease the task of filling up my medication container and also help in episodes of brain fog.

I learned about having these important tools around for someone to better assist me when I went through a class called Wellness Recovery Action Program (WRAP) which was developed by Mary Ellen Copeland. It has, by far, been the most applicable and effective tool in managing my mental health.

I made this chart to identify what I regularly take and left blank columns for when there are changes or updates. Luckily I won’t be updating this every day and hopefully it will stay consistent from month to month. But again, if I crash into a deep slump again, I won’t need to explain anything. I can just hand my caregiver this page of my journal. ☺️

Note: I’ve blotted our the names of doctor prescribed Rx’s. The “a/n” in the bottom medication is used “As Needed.”

#BPD #MDD #BulletJournals #WRAP #SupportTools #medicationmanagement #CreativeOutlets #tracking #OnedayAtaTime


#Epilepsy #Depression #medicationmanagement

Lamictol feels like it’s taking a toll on me. I keep getting constant mood swings, depressive episodes, and suicidal feelings. My seizures frequency hasn’t changed or improved at all. I feel like my seizures have gotten worse; honestly.

Positively, I take CBD oil on occasion to relax my body after a seizure. It works wonders on post seizure.


Every mo, 1 bad wk #Anxiety#SocialAnxiety #PanicDisorder

I'm in the midst of a super-anxious-filled week, completely my fault. By now, I am a full-blown masochist who must subliminally enjoy feeling the physical wrath of anxiety coupled with the horrible physical withdrawal from anxiety meds all. the. time.  Every month for the past, idk, 3+ years, I put myself through a living hell for a week or two by mismanaging medication. And I am a full-grown, well-aware adult who knows better and should certainly act more responsibly.  Does anyone else have issues as grown adults (this is so embarrassing) managing medication?

Seems like every month, I go through a few days to up to two full weeks where I have to function sans medication because the first 50% of the month I did not manage my medication properly.  While I do need a new psych to tinker with an SSRI to lower my daily benzo dosage, I also completely admit to being physically dependent on benzos.  I am super ashamed at the fact that I am almost 33 and still cannot help myself from waaaaay over-relying on a benzo during the beginning and middle part of the month, with a full or hefty amount of script at bay, to lessen the blow of terribly bad luck, anxious situations, and simply experiencing life's not-so-great moments.

I am embarrassed how heavily I rely on a pill to get me through an hour, a moment, a situation.  I rely too much to not feel uncomfortable that I run out of meds early almost every month, which is completely unhealthy and totally dangerous.  When will I get my act together?

Being a week away from that next refill, I am going through my normal routine of desperately counting down the days hoping they will fly by, not caring life is just passing me by, like a full blown junkie, while I keep my eye on the prize (med refill!) and hope no issues arise* til I have script-in-hand again.  *You know, the issues like when doctors forget to call in monthly Rx's, delays in getting a new script, a new appointment is now/again needed for a refill, the pharmacy is out of stock, the pharmacy is extremely busy...

Why do I live like this?

Worrying about everything and anything, running on very little sleep, feeling physically sick, feeling extremely anxious -- this is now my "normal" for up to two weeks every month. I need to get some help and make some stark changes. #Medication#Medicationhelp #medicationmanagement #Adulting #epicfails #withdrawal#GAD #SocialAnxiety