Bipolar 2 Disorder

#Bipolar2 #highfunctioning Trigger warning

Woke up in a real low so put some feelings to paper

Another Middle-aged man,

He’s had enough.

Unable to meet expectations and requirements, constant pressure combined with very human needs.

Expectations to meet and exceed. Unable to earn enough to allow you to live without constant anxiety over where money is coming from to pay the next demand, you aren’t valuable enough.

Constant pushing to become commercially valuable enough to be able to afford to live. Your individual value is directly related to the value of your labor output.

Simple do something you enjoy, that gives you fulfilment, fulfilment doesn’t pay the bills

Robs time your young family so rightly need, you can never give them enough of you, teach them enough, show them enough love.

Basic needs like housing, a rent increase or a mortgage increase, more pressure, crushing, overwhelming.

Struggling to grasp how this is life, how this is society, how this is what there is, all there is.

Medicate yourself so that it doesn’t weigh on you. When it still won’t go away, how about a few electric shocks to the brain, a reset?

You’re not doing very well at this life thing, maybe it just wasn’t meant for you. Surely not everyone is like this. Surely the fact that the status quo is the way it is means everyone else is ok with it.

Society knows some struggle with this, “R you OK?”. Be careful how you respond and whom you respond to, you may get an overly emotional response that doesn’t give answers. Or you may lose your job.

Craving not having to deal with this, to get away from it. You have seen what the world you live in is. You know what you have to offer, and you know you don’t meet expectations. Why continue to disappoint? Nothing is going to change no matter how you feel.

Maybe your absence could create a conversation and if it doesn’t, your presence certainly didn’t.

Less than 2 minutes is all it would take.

#Bipolar2 #highfunctioning Trigger warning

Woke up in a real low so put some feelings to paper

Another Middle-aged man,

He’s had enough.

Unable to meet expectations and requirements, constant pressure combined with very human needs.

Expectations to meet and exceed. Unable to earn enough to allow you to live without constant anxiety over where money is coming from to pay the next demand, you aren’t valuable enough.

Constant pushing to become commercially valuable enough to be able to afford to live. Your individual value is directly related to the value of your labor output.

Simple do something you enjoy, that gives you fulfilment, fulfilment doesn’t pay the bills

Robs time your young family so rightly need, you can never give them enough of you, teach them enough, show them enough love.

Basic needs like housing, a rent increase or a mortgage increase, more pressure, crushing, overwhelming.

Struggling to grasp how this is life, how this is society, how this is what there is, all there is.

Medicate yourself so that it doesn’t weigh on you. When it still won’t go away, how about a few electric shocks to the brain, a reset?

You’re not doing very well at this life thing, maybe it just wasn’t meant for you. Surely not everyone is like this. Surely the fact that the status quo is the way it is means everyone else is ok with it.

Society knows some struggle with this, “R you OK?”. Be careful how you respond and whom you respond to, you may get an overly emotional response that doesn’t give answers. Or you may lose your job.

Craving not having to deal with this, to get away from it. You have seen what the world you live in is. You know what you have to offer, and you know you don’t meet expectations. Why continue to disappoint? Nothing is going to change no matter how you feel.

Maybe your absence could create a conversation and if it doesn’t, your presence certainly didn’t.

Less than 2 minutes is all it would take.

So I am diagnosed with alcoholism and substance abuse, bipolar 2, PTSD ofc, BPD and has had a bout of psychosis. I visited the mental hospital for maybe a total of a month at three different locations over the span of a year.
I find myself sometimes trying to tackle each disease.. (which I normally don’t call it that) at once.
For some reason I think I’ll wake up and be cured and feel different, every second I’m expecting something to feel different or to simply get validation that I’m doing better and when I don’t receive it because well people can’t read my mind, I find myself going to sleep angry every night because I just want them to acknowledge me? My family at least. They talk to me, but they don’t want to hear my feelings about anything which is also very tough because I just got into an altercation with a supposed friend of mine I was staying with a few days ago.
She asked me to leave, I didn’t say no I was just trying to get my bearings before leaving and she charged at me and attacked me. Punched me, spit on me and held me down with all her weight (a good 200 pounds more than me) for 15 minutes while I called out to Siri on my iPad to call my mom to call the police and while I was doing so she called her friend to drive over and come stomp me in my face and beat me up some more before the police finally showed up.
I decided that day I was going to be done with liquor because it gives you total loss of capacity to defend yourself. While I did the best I could I was going in and out of consciousness and it could have been way worse than it was and I already told my parents I was trying not to drink. The girl had ulterior motives for sure, but for my own life I don’t want to drink anymore.
I got SA’d or taken advantage of the same day as well. A guy gave me a bottle of liquor, a pill and recorded us having sexual relations on my phone and the next day when I heard it, you couldn’t make out a single word I was saying and my eyes were closed pretty much the whole time. I remembered none of it and he continued to keep going and was obviously much more sober than I.
I desperately want to talk to my parents about it but the first time I ever got SA’d I was told it was my fault. Not by my parents, but they also never asked or were curious so I don’t have any emotional support from them. I know this post is all over the place, but I’m trying to tackle family issues, substance issues, cope with being SA’d again and being beaten and receiving no sympathy. I’m only 29 so I’m glad I’m getting it together now, but it’s extremely tough realizing you absolutely have no one in this life to trust but you and God & u have to want it for yourself and no one else and put all faith in him.
I started my 12 step program today and I’m determined to get back to me and really restart the right way.
That’s the true beauty of being at rock bottom. You can start completely over and do it all again and the only way you can go is up. I know it won’t be as easy road. After speaking with some of my sisters in my AA class, but I’m so glad I found some type of community and women who can understand me and maybe even help me be a better woman.
My mom tries her best but she’s simply not emotionally available for me at all and she doesn’t do her best to protect me and never has. I can no longer fault her for that though. I need to start cultivating my own life and moving on and getting past childhood and even current traumas. I can’t keep dwelling, I have to want help, seek help and do the work and know that it doesn’t happen overnight but it absolutely will happen.
I’m never giving a person the opportunity to treat me like that again. #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #PTSD #MentalHealth #Bipolar2

So I am diagnosed with alcoholism and substance abuse, bipolar 2, PTSD ofc, BPD and has had a bout of psychosis. I visited the mental hospital for maybe a total of a month at three different locations over the span of a year.
I find myself sometimes trying to tackle each disease.. (which I normally don’t call it that) at once.
For some reason I think I’ll wake up and be cured and feel different, every second I’m expecting something to feel different or to simply get validation that I’m doing better and when I don’t receive it because well people can’t read my mind, I find myself going to sleep angry every night because I just want them to acknowledge me? My family at least. They talk to me, but they don’t want to hear my feelings about anything which is also very tough because I just got into an altercation with a supposed friend of mine I was staying with a few days ago.
She asked me to leave, I didn’t say no I was just trying to get my bearings before leaving and she charged at me and attacked me. Punched me, spit on me and held me down with all her weight (a good 200 pounds more than me) for 15 minutes while I called out to Siri on my iPad to call my mom to call the police and while I was doing so she called her friend to drive over and come stomp me in my face and beat me up some more before the police finally showed up.
I decided that day I was going to be done with liquor because it gives you total loss of capacity to defend yourself. While I did the best I could I was going in and out of consciousness and it could have been way worse than it was and I already told my parents I was trying not to drink. The girl had ulterior motives for sure, but for my own life I don’t want to drink anymore.
I got SA’d or taken advantage of the same day as well. A guy gave me a bottle of liquor, a pill and recorded us having sexual relations on my phone and the next day when I heard it, you couldn’t make out a single word I was saying and my eyes were closed pretty much the whole time. I remembered none of it and he continued to keep going and was obviously much more sober than I.
I desperately want to talk to my parents about it but the first time I ever got SA’d I was told it was my fault. Not by my parents, but they also never asked or were curious so I don’t have any emotional support from them. I know this post is all over the place, but I’m trying to tackle family issues, substance issues, cope with being SA’d again and being beaten and receiving no sympathy. I’m only 29 so I’m glad I’m getting it together now, but it’s extremely tough realizing you absolutely have no one in this life to trust but you and God & u have to want it for yourself and no one else and put all faith in him.
I started my 12 step program today and I’m determined to get back to me and really restart the right way.
That’s the true beauty of being at rock bottom. You can start completely over and do it all again and the only way you can go is up. I know it won’t be as easy road. After speaking with some of my sisters in my AA class, but I’m so glad I found some type of community and women who can understand me and maybe even help me be a better woman.
My mom tries her best but she’s simply not emotionally available for me at all and she doesn’t do her best to protect me and never has. I can no longer fault her for that though. I need to start cultivating my own life and moving on and getting past childhood and even current traumas. I can’t keep dwelling, I have to want help, seek help and do the work and know that it doesn’t happen overnight but it absolutely will happen.
I’m never giving a person the opportunity to treat me like that again. #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #PTSD #MentalHealth #Bipolar2

Before I got sick I was a straight A student with hopes to go to a great university and then when I was hospitalised I thought I could bounce back and I never did. One abusive marriage and a few chronic illness diagnosis later I’m 25, divorced and unable to work and follow my dreams. the grief has finally hit me that I’ll never be like my old friends I see on Facebook or my best friend who’s pregnant and engaged to the love of her life. it’s devastating. I just want a normal healthy life
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar2

Before I got sick I was a straight A student with hopes to go to a great university and then when I was hospitalised I thought I could bounce back and I never did. One abusive marriage and a few chronic illness diagnosis later I’m 25, divorced and unable to work and follow my dreams. the grief has finally hit me that I’ll never be like my old friends I see on Facebook or my best friend who’s pregnant and engaged to the love of her life. it’s devastating. I just want a normal healthy life
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar2

Struggling being 31, a wife, a mom and feeling like a complete failure. I can’t hold down a full time job to help support my family. I recently tried to go back to work, and have been struggling. All my down time is spent resting because of the fatigue and pain, and my quality of life has dropped drastically since returning to work.

The guilt I feel from not being able to contribute like I want to is so painful. Going on disability at 31 is terrifying. This is not what I imagined my life would look like at this age. So many questions are running through my mind, like what my future looks like. I’ve never known a life not working.

I dropped out of graduate school and quit a job where I was excelling at because of my illness. I’ve slowly declined over the last few years and I’m devastated that I can’t function before this illness. It’s been over a year since I finally got a diagnosis, and I still can’t accept it. I still struggle with denial. The future is so scary and I so badly crave stability and peace.

My identity has been shattered, and putting the pieces back together is excruciatingly painful. I’m so scared.

Struggling being 31, a wife, a mom and feeling like a complete failure. I can’t hold down a full time job to help support my family. I recently tried to go back to work, and have been struggling. All my down time is spent resting because of the fatigue and pain, and my quality of life has dropped drastically since returning to work.

The guilt I feel from not being able to contribute like I want to is so painful. Going on disability at 31 is terrifying. This is not what I imagined my life would look like at this age. So many questions are running through my mind, like what my future looks like. I’ve never known a life not working.

I dropped out of graduate school and quit a job where I was excelling at because of my illness. I’ve slowly declined over the last few years and I’m devastated that I can’t function before this illness. It’s been over a year since I finally got a diagnosis, and I still can’t accept it. I still struggle with denial. The future is so scary and I so badly crave stability and peace.

My identity has been shattered, and putting the pieces back together is excruciatingly painful. I’m so scared.

I’m having a pain and fatigue flare up and it’s so isolating. Paired with beginning touse a wheelchair to get around I’ve had enough. Sick of feeling like this #venting #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar2

I’m having a pain and fatigue flare up and it’s so isolating. Paired with beginning touse a wheelchair to get around I’ve had enough. Sick of feeling like this #venting #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar2