Bipolar 2 Disorder

My doctor says I need to lose it. It would mean the absolute world to me if I lost all this unwanted weight and kept it off permanently. Please don’t comment saying it’s okay to be overweight or stupid stuff like that because nobody wants to be fat unless if you are stupid. I just hope I lose all this weight and keep it off permanently

#CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #MightyTogether #Psychosis #Depression #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Trauma #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PTSD #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Schizophrenia #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Selfharm #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Obesity #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders

My doctor says I need to lose it. It would mean the absolute world to me if I lost all this unwanted weight and kept it off permanently. Please don’t comment saying it’s okay to be overweight or stupid stuff like that because nobody wants to be fat unless if you are stupid. I just hope I lose all this weight and keep it off permanently

#CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #MightyTogether #Psychosis #Depression #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Trauma #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PTSD #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Schizophrenia #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Selfharm #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Obesity #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders

So yesterday I dressed up a bit to go to facilitate a peer to peer mental health group. It is a very casual setting and most of the time we are all dressed in jeans and comfy tops, T-shirts and the like. I was feeling good and wanted to look good too. It was a fun change. When I got home I took a picture of myself in my full length bathroom mirror (I didn't have anyone who could take a picture at the time). I liked it. I sent the picture to my daughter and she really liked it. Then I began wondering what the heck I was thinking. As we do, I systematically tore my looks to bits. I've inwardly cringed, thinking about what others must think when they look at me. I'm not one of the beautiful people! Today, I began my day by not wanting to even go outside... I must be hideous! I was embarrassed. But then I realized something: I not only was letting echoes of my Step-Father's voice that told me how ugly I was get to me even after all of these years, but allowing my mental illness to control my own self esteem. I would never talk to a friend the way I was talking to myself! I would point out all of the good qualities in her picture and in life! I would build her up, not tear her down, so what was I doing?! I don't know why we do these terrible things to ourselves. I'm worthy of self love, self appreciation. I restarted my thoughts with realizing I'm not hideous; small children don't laugh at me, dogs don't bark and try to run away when I approach. My looks are fine. My beauty is in my soul... right where it should be. I hope you have a wonderful day and accept yourself as you are.

I have been manic for a long, long while. It all started with me witnessing a suicide 53 days ago. I was on my was to work and when I was about halfway there, I saw someone falling off a bridge just as their body hit the ground. I let out a gasp and my son asked what was wrong. I played it off and told him it was just a bird. I didn't want to alarm him. He laughed it off and agreed. I was shocked and my first instinct was to text my best friend, husband and my team. I was shaking, second-guessing what I saw and driving erratically. When I got to school (I am a kindergarten teacher), I convinced myself that I could work. I tried to keep my emotions in check. I convinced myself I was fine until my best friend came in to check on me, gave me a hug and brought me an energy drink. That's when I felt the first sign of emotion start to leak out. When she left, I could feel the nerves slowly starting to hit me. I continued to try and tell myself everything was going to be okay and that I could make it through the day. But once the bell rang and the kids started to swarm in, my eyes welled up and I immediately knew I was not going to make it. I told my co-teacher I needed to go to the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom and started to lose it. During this time, I texted some close friends and told them I was losing it. My co-teacher called our principal at this time because she worried about me without my knowledge. When I finally thought I calmed down enough, I made my way outside and my principal was outside waiting. She tried to console me but I could not stand the thought of being hugged and dodged her hugs. We eventually made it to the office where one of the office ladies sat with me until husband came. The next two days were a blur. I stayed in bed, slept and watched a lot of scary movies and ate a ton of junk food.

A little before I started Vrylar, I remember my mania started. It started with the impulsive purchases for the house like the expensive fan (over $100), then the air fryer AND microwave at the same. Curtains (that I didn't need) nightlights that I didn't need), curtain rods (that I didn't need), random subscriptions and so much more. This started around mid February, right after witnessing the suicide and has continued to now. The mania started small which is normal for me and when I got on Vraylar on 4/25, it has gotten more extreme. Some extreme things I have done are deciding one morning that I wanted a tattoo and in a matter of a few hours going to get one. Deciding one day that I wanted to color my hair then booking an appointment for the same day (this was in the same week) It has gotten to to the point that I am so erratic, I sometimes don't even know myself anymore and that other people have taken notice. Some people have said I am more hyper than usual and another said that they have noticed that I am stressed. It makes me embarrassed to think that despite me trying to put out a happy and jolly front, people can see right through me. I am worried that I will get admitted soon. My psychiatrist is seeing me every 3 days and has mentioned bringing my husband into my care...

Sorry for the long post.... It's just been a really long bout of mania and I feel like absolute crap. I want to get better and I hope that I am coming out of the mania now... #Bipolar2

I have been manic for a long, long while. It all started with me witnessing a suicide 53 days ago. I was on my was to work and when I was about halfway there, I saw someone falling off a bridge just as their body hit the ground. I let out a gasp and my son asked what was wrong. I played it off and told him it was just a bird. I didn't want to alarm him. He laughed it off and agreed. I was shocked and my first instinct was to text my best friend, husband and my team. I was shaking, second-guessing what I saw and driving erratically. When I got to school (I am a kindergarten teacher), I convinced myself that I could work. I tried to keep my emotions in check. I convinced myself I was fine until my best friend came in to check on me, gave me a hug and brought me an energy drink. That's when I felt the first sign of emotion start to leak out. When she left, I could feel the nerves slowly starting to hit me. I continued to try and tell myself everything was going to be okay and that I could make it through the day. But once the bell rang and the kids started to swarm in, my eyes welled up and I immediately knew I was not going to make it. I told my co-teacher I needed to go to the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom and started to lose it. During this time, I texted some close friends and told them I was losing it. My co-teacher called our principal at this time because she worried about me without my knowledge. When I finally thought I calmed down enough, I made my way outside and my principal was outside waiting. She tried to console me but I could not stand the thought of being hugged and dodged her hugs. We eventually made it to the office where one of the office ladies sat with me until husband came. The next two days were a blur. I stayed in bed, slept and watched a lot of scary movies and ate a ton of junk food.

A little before I started Vrylar, I remember my mania started. It started with the impulsive purchases for the house like the expensive fan (over $100), then the air fryer AND microwave at the same. Curtains (that I didn't need) nightlights that I didn't need), curtain rods (that I didn't need), random subscriptions and so much more. This started around mid February, right after witnessing the suicide and has continued to now. The mania started small which is normal for me and when I got on Vraylar on 4/25, it has gotten more extreme. Some extreme things I have done are deciding one morning that I wanted a tattoo and in a matter of a few hours going to get one. Deciding one day that I wanted to color my hair then booking an appointment for the same day (this was in the same week) It has gotten to to the point that I am so erratic, I sometimes don't even know myself anymore and that other people have taken notice. Some people have said I am more hyper than usual and another said that they have noticed that I am stressed. It makes me embarrassed to think that despite me trying to put out a happy and jolly front, people can see right through me. I am worried that I will get admitted soon. My psychiatrist is seeing me every 3 days and has mentioned bringing my husband into my care...

Sorry for the long post.... It's just been a really long bout of mania and I feel like absolute crap. I want to get better and I hope that I am coming out of the mania now... #Bipolar2

I did not know what my title should be since I am having some major issues right now because of all my autoimmune diseases, mental health issues, and a host of other medical problems. I am having a major problem focusing on one task and getting it done. While I am trying to accomplish that task another task surfaces in my brain and I tell myself I should do that one because it will make the first task easier to finish. Before I can get started on any task a whole host of other tasks I need to do. That's when I become so overwhelmed I don't do anything. That is when the anxiety and depression over take me and I just shut my brain down so I can cope. I would like to see a psychiatrist but have been unable to find one who accepts insurance and we cannot afford to cash pay. I also suffer with #Fibromyalgia , #Bipolar2 , #PTSD , #ChronicPain , #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD , #GranulomatosisWithPolyangiitis , Buerger's Disease, #Kidney Transplant, #type 2 Diabetes, #Brain Fog

I did not know what my title should be since I am having some major issues right now because of all my autoimmune diseases, mental health issues, and a host of other medical problems. I am having a major problem focusing on one task and getting it done. While I am trying to accomplish that task another task surfaces in my brain and I tell myself I should do that one because it will make the first task easier to finish. Before I can get started on any task a whole host of other tasks I need to do. That's when I become so overwhelmed I don't do anything. That is when the anxiety and depression over take me and I just shut my brain down so I can cope. I would like to see a psychiatrist but have been unable to find one who accepts insurance and we cannot afford to cash pay. I also suffer with #Fibromyalgia , #Bipolar2 , #PTSD , #ChronicPain , #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD , #GranulomatosisWithPolyangiitis , Buerger's Disease, #Kidney Transplant, #type 2 Diabetes, #Brain Fog